


What If

by fandomtrash2611



Category: Cormoran Strike Series - Robert Galbraith
Genre: AU, Afghanistan, Army, Cormoran in hospital, Cute, Established Relationship, F/M, First Kiss, First Meeting, First Time, Fluffy, Getting to Know Each Other, SiB, Trigger warning Rape, University, alternative universe, anxious Robin, can't think of any more tags rn, cases, dangerous cases, trigger warning sexual abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:53:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 78,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22319683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomtrash2611/pseuds/fandomtrash2611
Summary: What if Cormoran Strike and Robin had met in their youth? He still in the army, she studying.What if she was the one being with him while he went through all the struggles after loosing his leg?Interested? Then this AU is definitely something for you. :)
Relationships: Charlotte Campbell Ross/Cormoran Strike, Ilsa Herbert/Nick Herbert, Matthew Cunliffe/Robin Ellacott, Matthew Cunliffe/Sarah Shadlock, Robin Ellacott/Cormoran Strike
Comments: 154
Kudos: 90





	1. Chapter 1

It was late when the plane arrived in London. Strike was tired and jetlagged from the long flight. Like he had expected, the weather was rainy and cold compared to the boiling heat of Columbia. He had been stationed for a case for two months but was glad to be home. He waited for his bag and made his way to the centre of London where he had a room in  a house of the Army. He needed a permanent place to stay since Charlotte had kicked him out but he wasn’t at home often so he didn’t bother to search for one. While waiting for the tube to arrive, he lit up a cigarette and sat on a bench at the deserted tube station. It felt strange being back after all those months. He hadn't stayed at home for over a year now. He simply hadn’t wanted to. After the break-up with Charlotte he needed some time and distance so he had worked, travelled and solved cases with his comrades. Now he was back. 

Half an hour later he was at the house and, after another cigarette, he got inside. Like he was told, he rang the bell of a small flat downstairs and an old man – probably the concierge – opened. He told the man why he was here and a few minutes later already headed upstairs to a small room at the upper floor. He locked the door before he looked around. It was a small room. A small double bed was beside the window that had a brilliant view over the Thames. A small desk was opposite the bed, a tiny wardrobe behind the door. The room also had a small bathroom, but it was enough for the time he’d stay here. Strike slipped out of his boots and the uniform before he headed to take a shower. The hot water felt good on his aching limbs and he showered longer than he had needed. When the water from the boiler got cold, he finally stepped out of the shower, wrapped a towel around his hips and stepped back into the small room. While walking past the mirror on the wall, he quickly looked at himself. His shoulders where broad and his waist small. He had lost a lot of weight during their last cases but he didn’t mind. He was quite muscular and had bruises and small cuts all over his body. He definitely needed a shave, he realised while his hand was gliding over his stubbled cheek. But then he liked it. His hair was longer than usual and because of that, way curlier than he was used to. He definitely needed to go and cut it before he would return to his daily job in a few weeks. Before that he had a few days off and some schoolings here in London and Oxford. Tiredness finally took its tool and naked he slipped under the cover of the small bed where listening to the rain lured him into sleep a few minutes later.

Late in the afternoon he woke up. It had stopped raining, but dark clouds where still all over the grey sky. He sat up, lit up a cigarette and smoked while thinking about what to do today. He had promised Nick after some mail correspondence, that he’d visit his friend when he was back in town. But he was probably still in Oxford because lectures wouldn’t end until another few weeks. He had a few days off until he had to report back for his tasks in London. Until then he could see his friends and take some time off. Cormoran got up, dressed in some jeans and shirt, grabbed his coat, cigarettes and keys and left into the grey London afternoon. Strike went to a barber and grabbed some coffee afterwards before leaving to King’s Cross to grab a train to Oxford. An hour later he arrived and made his way through the small city to the University. When he arrived, students where hurrying out the building and over the campus. He could feel the curious looks of the students on him while he stood in front of the building, looking at it. He had been here as well. A student, young and interested. But then things had changed. He had ended up in the Army and the SIB. He loved his job. His comrades where his family. While watching the building deep in his thoughts his eyes cached glimpse of a young woman leaving the building in kind of a hurry. She looked back and stumbled on the soft grass a few feet in front of him. Probably a hole. He stepped to her and helped her up. Now that she looked at him, stunned that he helped her, he could see her tearstained face and startled. She was beautiful. Soft red lips, blushed cheeks, strawberry-blonde hair and grey-blue eyes.

“Thank you”, she mumbled while both of them collected her books and stuff that was still on the ground. 

Strike saw that she studied psychology and just wanted to ask her who she was, when a young man ran towards them, shouting her name.

“Robin!”

“Oh no...”, she mumbled and faced him.

“Please, I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry...”

The young man looked at Strike for a second and then back to Robin – probably his girlfriend. 

“You did and I told you before, I can’t do this anymore. It’s over Matthew...”

He wanted to grab her by the arm but the young woman stepped away, bumping against Strike. He didn’t mind but held her so she wouldn’t fall down once more so his hands rested on her hip for a moment. After he had held her, he just stood there and waited. The other man grumbled something before leaving quite angry. The young woman, Robin, turned and stepped back from him.

“I’m sorry”, she mumbled and quickly scrutinized him. 

“No problem”, Strike said and smiled a bit. 

“Robin Ellacott”, she then introduced herself.

“Cormoran Strike”, he answered and took her outstretched hand. 

“Nice to meet you. You’re studying at Oxford Uni?”, she asked smiling.

“I’m here to visit a good friend.”

“What’s he studying?”, she asked to keep the conversation alive and he immediately knew it.

“Medicine.”

She nodded and looked at her hands for a moment. She looked sad and he really wanted to stay, but it wouldn’t do any good.

“I gotta go”, he mumbled. “It was nice to meet you.”

“Yes, and thanks for helping me.”

“Your welcome.”

He smiled a last time before he left her and wandered to the building, not looking back. After a while he had found Nick in the library.

“Mate! It’s so nice to see you. What are you doing here  Oggy ? I thought you were in South America?”

“I was”, Strike said. “I’m home and have a few days off. Thought I might visit you.”

“And you choose the perfect evening”, Nick said while collecting all his stuff and they made their way outside. “We’ve a big party tonight and everyone’s invited. Wanna come?”

“I don’t think that this is a good idea.”

“Oh c’mon on Oggy! It’s gonna be brilliant.”

“Alright. But not for too long. I’ve a few appointments tomorrow”, he lied easily and Nick agreed. 

A few hours and a big dinner later, the two men headed to the local club where the party took place. It was loud and full. Nick was searching for Ilsa, his girlfriend, while Strike headed to the bar to get a beer. He just paid and took his place at the end of the bar when he saw a woman with strawberry-blonde hair in the crowd. Was it the young woman he had seen earlier today? No, probably he imagined things. He drank his beer, smoked and headed through the crowds to look for Ilsa and Nick when he saw the young woman again. It was her, he was sure of it. She slipped through the dancing crowd, wearing nothing more than a really beautiful short black dress with high heels, hair braided and a drink in her hand. Standing where he was, he watched her moving towards him. She was even more beautiful than a few hours earlier. She hadn’t seen him and he was glad that she didn’t. He knew that he didn’t needed to distract a young girl like her. She was probably around 20. Strike was way too old for her with him being nearly 30. Although he had different things in his mind than a woman right now. 

“Bluey!!!”, he heard a very familiar voice a few feet away and people turned to look at the shrieking voice of his ex-girlfriend, Charlotte.

So did Robin. She smiled at him and he smiled back before the other woman, a tall dark-haired beauty, could make her way to Strike and kissed him quickly. 

“Bluey I missed you so much”, Charlotte said and slung her arms around his neck while looking lovingly at the soldier. 

“What do you want Charlotte?”, he asked simply and for the first time looked her in her dark eyes. 

“I want you. Is that so wrong?”, she asked while pressing herself more against him and letting her hand slide down to his belt. “I missed you. I’m so sorry I broke up with you. It wasn’t right...”

He held her hand before she could let it slide down any further and looked for Robin. The young woman was gone. He sighed and once more looked at the woman in front of him. She was so beautiful. She was his weakness, even though he knew it was wrong. 

“Come back to me Bluey”, she mumbled and let her hand slide over his stubbled cheek. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“I think you’re wrong”, she mumbled and once more kissed him. 

She could feel that his shield crumbled while she kissed and touched him. 

“Oggy!”, he heard Nick shout at him and suddenly he and Ilsa where standing by their side. “What are you doing?”

“He’s kissing me. Is that so wrong?”, Charlotte asked cocky and her hand rested on his arse while she stood beside him.

“Excuse me”, Strike then mumbled and left them.

It was as if he woke up from a dream. They broke up. This was wrong. He had learned to live without her! He headed outside to smoke and get his head clear when he once more saw the young woman with her boyfriend. They were arguing and she wanted to leave when he took her arm and pulled her away. The young woman slapped him but he just seemed to get angrier and hit her as well before he pulled her further away. She didn’t want to go with him and struggled while looking around for help. Her eyes found his and he could see how troubled she looked and intervened. He stopped the young man and pulled her behind him. 

“I think it’s enough now”, he simply said.

“She’s my girlfriend!”, the young man shouted at him. “What do you care? Get out of the way!”

Strike didn’t and the other one, quite drunk he deduced, made the wrong move and tried to hit him. Easily Strike evaded the move and pushed the other roughly against a wall. 

“Leave her alone”, he said in a dark and threatening voice before he left with the young woman by his side.

“That’s the second time you helped me”, she said still quite shaken. “Thank you.”

“Your welcome. Are you hurt?”

“No, I think I'm fine.” He scrutinized her for a moment and waited. “I think I’ll head home. I was just here with some friends but they seemed to have left already”, Robin said while looking over the crowd. 

“Shall I bring you home?”, he asked and couldn’t quite think of why he offered it. 

“That’d be lovely”, she agreed. 

“Alright. I’ll just say goodbye, then we can go.”

She followed him to the bar where Nick was collecting some drinks.

“Oggy, where were you?”

“Smoking”, he lied. “I’ll leave for tonight.”

“Sure”, Nick said and smiled when he saw the young woman by his side.

“It’s not...”, Strike tried to explain but left it alone. “I’ll call.”

“Goodnight mate.”

“Say my love to Ilsa”, Strike said and they both quickly hugged each other. “Let’s go”, he said to Robin and they left to get their jackets and then headed into the night. 


	2. Chapter 2

Silently they headed down some streets and after a while stopped in front of a very small house near the park. This was it.

“Thanks for bringing me home”, Robin said and looked at her hands once more.

Why was she so nervous? She didn’t expect him to want to come up with her, was she? It would not be right. She pulled out her keys and opened the front door, waiting before she turned around once more.

“Wanna come up for a cup of tea?”, she said and smiled a soft innocent smile at him. 

“Alright”, he agreed and followed her upstairs.

They headed upstairs to the attic flat and he curiously looked around when Robin opened and turned on the light. The flat was small but very sorted and clean. There was a small kitchen unit in a corner and a big bed in the other. A small sofa stood by the window and there was a second door who probably led to the bathroom. She hung up her coat by the door and he did as well before she offered him to sit down at a small table full of books and notes. 

“I’m sorry for the mess”, she mumbled and put them away but he didn’t mind. 

“Don’t worry about it. You don’t have to put your studies away.”

“Thanks”, she mumbled, let it be and started making them a cup of tea.

He watched her while shouting at himself for being here. He had been sure that it was wrong to be this close to her and maybe even start something with her, but then she was just inviting him for tea. Nothing more. Probably a simple way to say thank you. A few minutes later she put a hot cup of tea and some milk in front of him. 

“I didn’t know how you liked your tea so...”

“It’s fine”, he smiled and poured some milk in it so that his tea still had the colour of creosote. 

“Why did you help me?”, she wanted to know after a while.

Her hands where wrapped around the hot cup and she had crossed her legs while looking curiously at the young man in front of her.

“You looked like you needed help. You didn’t seem to want to go with him. No woman should be pressured to do something she doesn't want. And then he hit you...”, he grumbled.

“Thank you”, she once more said.

“Stop thanking me. It’s my pleasure”, he said smiling and the young woman laughed.

It was a soft and melodic laugh. Not like Charlotte’s. High and shrieking. Charlotte... He was happy that he has had the strength to withstand her this time. It wouldn’t do them any good if he gave in.

“So the man you said goodbye too, was your friend who studies medicine?”

“Yes”, he said and shoved the thought of Charlotte away. 

“How do you know each other?”

“We met at school. I knew his girlfriend, Ilsa, long before that though.”

“And the other woman was your girlfriend?” she wanted to know.

“Ex-girlfriend”, he corrected her. “We broke up a year or so ago.”

“Oh...”

She knew that it was indecent to ask more so she stayed silent. Strike looked at her and stayed silent as well. He had no clue what he should talk or ask. It was not right to be here. Yet he didn’t want to leave. He liked being in her company, he soon had realised.

“You study psychology. Interesting choice”, he finally said to break the tension. 

“Yes. I’m halfway through.”

And so she talked about her studies and they discussed different theories until it was late in the morning. She looked at the clock on the wall. 4.48am.

“Oh... It’s morning already.”

They were sitting on the small sofa a while ago and she was watching him curiously once more. 

“I should get going then.”

“You’re staying in Oxford as well?”

“No, London. But I’m sure there’ll be an early train to get back.”

“No”, she said and smiled. “The first won’t leave until about 5.30am and is very expensive. I’m sure you don’t want to invest over 30 bucks just to get home early.”

“30 bucks for a simple train ride? That’s insane!”

“It is”, she laughed at his outburst. “You could crash here if you want”, she then offered.

Strike sank back into the soft cushions. The offer was too good not to take it and she seemed like a nice girl. Don’t think  to much about it, he told himself.

“Well if you don’t mind my snoring, I’ll gladly stay.” 

Robin smiled happily at him and started to change the sheets of her bed. Startled he looked at her. What did she thought she was doing? Especially when she still wore this tight and short black dress. Jeez.... He tried not to stare but it didn’t quite work.

“The sofa is way too small for you”, she then explained. “You can crash in my bed and I’ll take the sofa instead.” 

He didn’t want to argue so he accepted and stayed silent. A few minutes later Robin had changed the sheets, made up the sofa and poured them a drink. 

“My dad got me this for Christmas. He likes a good drink so I think you might like this.”

She handed him a glass of some golden liqueur and sipped from her own. He liked her, that was for sure. She was from Marsham and grew up with three brothers, a dog and her parents in a decent little cottage outside the village. She was intelligent, caring, beautiful and very curious about all things and people around her. Strike sipped from the golden liquid. It was a very delicious Whiskey. Her dad had good taste.

“How old are you?”, he finally asked.

He wanted to know. He wanted to get to know her fully. 

“Twenty”, Robin answered honestly.

Nearly ten years younger than myself, he thought and shoved another thought that got into his mind away. Robin smiled softly and blushed. 

“It’s late we should go to bed”, he mumbled. “You sure you wanna sleep on the sofa? It’s not very comfortable, isn’t it?”

“It’s probably not...”

“We can share the bed. It’s big enough and I’m very still when I sleep.”

She scrutinized him and then shook her head. She had changed into some PJs and Strike also wore nothing more than his trousers and a t-shirt when they lay down a few minutes later and nearly fell asleep immediately. After a few minutes and when he was already asleep, Robin got up from the sofa and lay down beside him. She was fascinated by him and was comfortable in his presence. While he slept, she watched him for a while until she also fell asleep. 

He woke up late to the scent of fresh coffee and breakfast. Strike turned and looked to the kitchen area where Robin was preparing them breakfast. She hummed while doing it. Shamelessly he watched her, staying where he was. It felt weird. They haven’t had sex but yet he was in her bed and she prepared some breakfast. Feeling how wrong all of this felt, he finally got up and started dressing. At last Robin looked to him.

“You’re leaving already? I thought you’d want some breakfast?”

“No thank you. I gotta go back. Thanks for letting me stay”, Cormoran said while slipping into his clothes fully and grabbing his coat.

“But...”

“Goodbye Robin”, he said with a last slight smile and left the flat.

Outside he lit up a cigarette and headed through the city to the railway station to get back to London. Even when he was back in his room to take a shower and sort some stuff for the upcoming days, Robin was still in his thoughts. 

Soon his few days off where over and it was on a cold and rainy morning when he made his way to pick up his duty and realised, he had left his gloves in Oxford. He smiled at the thought but then shoved the thought of her away again. He arrived in time at the small building of the army and got introduced to an older soldier who would train them the next weeks. It was a boring and long lecture he dreaded to escape from. 

On a rainy Friday Nick contacted him once more and wanted to meet up for drinks. He agreed and the day and boring lectures passed way quicker than usual. It was late in the afternoon, they just had a short break, when an officer stepped to him.

“Sir”, he stood up and greeted the other man.

“A visitor for you Strike”, he just said and led him down to the entrance-hall of the building. “By the seating area near the window”, the man said and gestured towards it.

There she sat. Beautiful like when he had met her first. Strawberry-blonde hair done up, a slight blush on her cheeks, a little make-up, a short dress under her light coat. What was she doing here? He could feel the looks of the other soldiers when he stepped to her and she stood up with a bright smile. 

“Hello”, she said quite shy and he could see that she was nervous.

“Hello Robin”, he said. “What are you doing here?”

“You left these”, the young woman answered and showed him his gloves. “I thought you might need them.”

“That’s very kind of you, thank you”, Cormoran answered a bit stiff and took them from her hand.

She shuddered when their fingers touched for a second and quickly scrutinized him. He looked very handsome in his uniform, hair ruffled, stubbles on his cheeks. He looked in complete control and protective. She could feel the looks of the other men on her and it made her uncomfortable. She’d rather have liked it, if they were alone.

“You came all this way just to give me a pair of gloves?”, he then asked softly.

“No”, Robin agreed. “It was not just for the gloves. I wanted to see you again”, she said truthfully and looked up into his dark and captivating eyes. 

He wanted too. The gloves where just an excuse to come here after all. He smiled and stepped a bit closer. 

“Do you want to have dinner tonight?”, he asked. 

He could call Nick and tell him that he had other plans, his friend would understand. 

“Oh... I... I should go back though. There’s a lot more to do for uni”, she mumbled. 

“Please...”

“Alright”, she gave in after a few moments of silence. 

That was easy, he thought and smiled again. Robin’s breath hitched when he leaned a bit closer. 

“Great”, he mumbled. “I’ll see you in an hour then? You can wait here if you want. No one will bother you”, he promised.

“Thank god I always put something to read in my bag”, she joked slightly and smiled.

“I’ll hurry”, he promised when some men shouted his name.

“Oy Strike! We gotta go mate!”

“I’m coming!”, he shouted back and then turned once more to Robin. “Don’t run away, I’ll be back soon.”

“I won’t”, she mumbled and without thinking pressed her lips against his, standing on tiptoes.

He was startled by her kiss but then quickly kissed her back. 

“Strike!!”, the men were shouting again and he let go of her.

“See you”, he said, winked and jogged towards them. 

With a last look back, he left through another door. Robin smiled and sat back on the bench to wait for him. She didn’t regret that she kissed him, somehow it felt right and she had immediately felt something for him. There had been a connection between them that Cormoran had felt as well. 

“Was that your girlfriend mate?”, one of the men asked while they made their way to the last schooling for today.

Strike stayed silent and thought about it. She was all that Charlotte had not been and he could feel the intensity between them. It had felt right to kiss her back. He simply wanted to and Robin didn’t seem to mind. They should talk about it tonight over dinner, he thought.

“C’mon you can tell us”, a second soldier said. “Where did you two met? How long is this going?”

Strike stayed silent and smiled before he entered the room where their last lecture would take place. He couldn’t wait for it to be over and return to Robin. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is gonna be a long one so enjoy :)

An hour later it was over and he quickly returned to the entrance hall where Robin was still waiting. He smiled when he saw her and then made his way to her. She was completely captured by her book so she didn’t realise that he was back. 

“Robin”, he softly said her name and she startled. 

“Oh, you’re back already!” 

“I’m sorry you had to wait for so long. Wanna go?” 

“Sure”, Robin said happily. 

She took the book away and stood up. They made their way outside and he could see his mates cheering and making meaningful gestures. Ignoring them, he guided her outside and thought about where they could go. 

“Any suggestions?”, she asked quite cheerful and looked at him. 

“I haven’t been to London for a long time to be honest.” 

“Are you up for something exotic or something domestic?” 

“Something domestic would be nice.” 

“Alright. C’mon.” 

She took his hand and guided him to the tube where they drove to West Kensington and made their way to _The Swan_. The pub was old and yet had a modern touch. He liked it. It was crowded and loud and it seemed as if all tables where taken but Strike found a small one in a dimly lit corner by the bar. Perfect! He took her hand and guided her to the table. They got rid of their coats. 

“What do you want to drink?”, he asked, about to head to the bar. 

“Oh just some water please”, she said and he obeyed, returning a few minutes later with a glass of water and a pint for himself. 

She seemed nervous and fumbled at the hem of her dark green dress. She looked stunning in it. 

“Weren’t you supposed to be at uni today?” 

“We had off today. Some lectures got cancelled”, she said and then sipped at her water to occupy herself. 

“And so you decided to come here.” She nodded. “I’m glad you did”, he confessed. 

“You wanted to see me again?”, Robin mumbled quite insecure now and looked at him shyly. 

“I did”, he once more confessed. 

This thing between them – whatever it was exactly – confused him but it also felt right. She was a lovely girl. Intelligent, beautiful and she seemed to be genuinely interested in him. So was he. Robin blushed some more. This was embarrassing and somehow, she wished she wouldn’t have come here with him. But then he seemed nice, didn’t rush everything and wanted to see her as well. Why not give in and chat a while and find out more before she would finally get rid of all her thoughts of him and continued with her normal life. Concentrating on uni and stuff that was important. 

“This feels weird”, she admitted. “We barely know each other and...” She hesitated before she looked up and into his blue eyes. “I’m sorry for the kiss. I don’t know why I did it.” 

He smiled a bit and watched her carefully. 

“It’s fine. You don’t have to feel weird. We can just have dinner and talk a bit. Get to know each other. Don’t worry about anything else, okay?” 

She nodded and sipped once more on her water while he drank from his beer, thinking about what to do now. This was going way too quick. All of it... 

They had dinner and talked until late in the evening. He asked her about her life, her studies, her family and even her ex-boyfriend. She instead wanted to know about his time at the Army and what he was up to further. He got to know her better and somehow – at the end of their evening – he had fallen even more for her. Robin instead was irritated by the way he avoided talking about his youth and family but accepted it for now. It was late and the pub would close soon so they got up and left. It was still cold, and rained when they stepped outside. Strike lit up a cigarette and waited while Robin put up the hood of her coat. Somehow, he missed the heat of Columbia now that he was standing here in a typical cold rainy English summer. She carefully watched him, staying silent. He knew that they’d never make it for the last train to Oxford and offering her to stay at his place was the least he could do. Nonetheless he hesitated. Wouldn’t it be better if he would get her to a hotel? Well... He was sure that she couldn’t afford it and it felt impersonal, so he shoved the thought away. This felt different from the last time they had met and she had offered him to stay. She started blushing under his stare and looked away. Leaving her to herself wasn’t even an option though so Strike took her hand and silently they made their way back and to the small house where he had his room. She stopped and read a small sign at the exterior wall of the building. She knew that this must be his place. 

“I know there’s no train leaving back and I certainly won’t let you wander around those streets at night”, he explained and Robin smiled. 

“So this is where you’re staying?” 

“Yes, for now. I thought you could stay overnight. We just have to be careful; guests aren’t really allowed to be honest.” 

“That would be nice”, she said and smiled while he silently led her upstairs to his room. 

Interested Robin looked around through the small room while he locked the door again. Strike waited and watched her silently. It wasn’t much, he had to admit, but it was enough. Robin looked over the small stack of books by the tiny desk. She was stunned to see some Latin literature beside a novel or two. 

“You understand Latin?”, she asked in awe and he nodded. “Impressive”, she mumbled and he chuckled slightly. 

Cormoran could see how nervous and uncomfortable she was. But there was no need for that. Him watching her wasn’t making her nervousness better, so he started to hang up their coats and made them a cup of tea. Robin sat on the small bed and watched him. 

“I’m sorry I can’t offer you more than this”, Cormoran said while handing her a cup. 

“It’s fine’, she said and thankfully took the cup since she felt cold. 

Their fingers touched when he handed it to her and she irritated looked into his eyes. They both felt it. He suddenly wanted to feel her lips on his again, touch and hold her. Instead he got up, opened the window and lit up a cigarette. 

“I’m sorry this is so weird”, he confessed while rubbing his tired eyes for a second. “Having you here doesn’t mean that I’ll make a move but I just wanted to know you’re safe. Nothing else”, he promised. 

“I like you”, Robin then said unexpectedly after a few minutes of silence. “I usually don’t do stuff like this, kissing people when I met them only once...” She blushed. “But this feels different somehow. I feel save with you and comfortable.” 

Strike didn’t expect something like that but knew what she meant. He tossed the cigarette stump away and stepped closer. He looked down at the young woman on his bed and caressed her cheek for a moment. All this was going too fast, he once more reminded himself. He had to slow down! 

“Give this some more time, give us some more time. Let’s not rush this, okay?” 

She nodded. He leaned down and quickly pressed an innocent kiss on her lips. She smiled when he let go of her. 

“Off to bed now, it’s late”, he mumbled and gestured to the small bed. 

She got up and stood a few centimetres away from him. He stayed calm and just watched her. Robin’s breath hitched at his look while she rested her hands on his chest and started unbuttoning his uniform. He didn’t do anything but just watched her. She was beautiful but he could see how insecure she looked. This was too fast, Cormoran thought again but then he wanted to see what she’d do. Robin bite her lip and stripped of his jacket. Her hands slid over his white t-shirt and she felt his muscles underneath. Then she looked up again and into his dark blue eyes. Robin shuddered. Strike softly caressed her cheek with a slight touch of his fingers and then leaned down and once more pressed a soft and innocent kiss to her full red lips. Robin let him take the lead. He just kissed her, nothing more. He was good at this, she had to admit. Robin lost himself in his soft and delicious kisses but she wanted more. When he let go of her, she continued her journey over his torso while stripping him of the shirt as well. When she had it off, she interested looked at him. His chest was covered in dark curly hair. He was muscular, had broad shoulders and some scars. One looked like a bullet hole on his left shoulder. She let her finger slide over it and then leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss on the scar. Cormoran closed his eyes for a second and took a deep breath. When he once more looked at her, she could see the lust in his eyes and was shocked but also tempted. This time it was Robin who kissed him but more urgent and passionate. His hands wandered to her hips and one to her cheek. He let go of her lips and wandered to her neck. She breathless said his name. 

“Cormoran...” 

Oh god, it felt good to hear her say it. Her hands still lay on his chest. 

“Yes?”, he asked calmly and nibbled at her ear. 

“You’re very talented”, she mumbled and he laughed quietly. “Let me...” 

He let go of her and she quickly stepped out of her shoes and started unbuttoning her dress. It had buttons all the way down and he liked it. Playfully he slapped her fingers and she let go while laughing as well. Slowly he opened one button after the other while kissing her again and again. His big rough hands somehow carefully shoved the dress down her shoulders when it was open and he scrutinized her for a second. She wore some simple white lace panties and a lace bra. She was beautiful. There was nothing that was not perfect in his eyes. 

“You’re stunning”, he mumbled and Robin blushed. 

Quickly he slipped out of his boots before she fumbled at his trousers. Her hands were insecure and he was sure that the boy he had seen at the uni, was her only partner. He had to talk to her before they would do this. Strike had to remind himself, that he should do this slow this time. Under some steady kisses, they sank onto the bed. He was over her, touching and kissing her body. Slowly working until she would be his. 

“Robin?”, he asked while kissing her tummy. “The guy at uni, Matthew....” 

“Yes?”, she breathed heavily, eyes closed and not really here. 

“Was he your first one?”, he asked, stopped and looked at her scrutinizing. 

“Why do you want to know?” 

Her voice sounded irritated and unsure. Cormoran waited for an answer and gave her some room by sitting up beside her. 

“I... Yes.” 

He nodded and accepted her answer. So he had been right to do this slowly. He softly kissed her lips once more. 

“Why did you want to know?”, Robin asked after a few more kisses and touches. 

“Just curious”, he lied and she let it go for now. 

The young woman sat up and crawled on his lap. Her kisses were more heated and urgent, her touches clearer to what she wanted. After a few minutes, he turned her around, got rid of her underwear and touched her. Robin moaned. He quickly pressed a kiss to her lips, to silence her moan, giggled and continued. Robin closed her eyes, lips parted and breathed heavily. She was beautiful and he stunned looked at her while he continued his sweet torture with his fingers and lips. Oh gosh, she had no idea that this could be so pleasing. Every time she and Matthew had made love, it was completely different from this. Soon she couldn’t keep a single thought in her mind and just concentrated on the soldier. He did this slowly and took his time to get to know her body. She was very sensitive to his touch but not very vocal in bed. After a while, he could feel her body tense and her breathing change. She mumbled his name and came with a loud moan, clenching her fists into the sheets and trembling legs. He lay beside her and waited until she had calmed down a bit. He kissed her cheek and temple. Robin just lay here and let the feeling wash over her. Wow... She never had felt all this so intense. After a few minutes she was more herself again and looked at Cormoran who watched her carefully. 

“You okay?”, he asked and Robin nodded. 

She looked into his eyes and saw him smiling what made her blush. She was embarrassed. Why? Robin turned around and covered herself with her hands while looking at his chest, avoiding his look. He softly tilted up her head and pressed a kiss to her lips. He was painfully hard but he took his time. Something was wrong, he could feel it. 

“What is it Robin?”, he asked softly. “I know something’s wrong. Tell me.” 

“I’m sorry... I.... I’m a bit overwhelmed by all this. I’ve never experienced it to be like this. I... I don’t have much experience in this”, she now confessed and looked away again while blushing heavily. 

So he had been right. 

“I’m sorry, I...”, he started, didn’t know what to say though. 

“Don’t be, it’s fine. I really want this. All of this”, she said and kissed him. “It just feels right to be with you”, she mumbled while her hands wandered down to his trousers and he moaned. 

“Oh gosh..” Robin smiled. “You sure?” 

“I am”, the young woman once more said and he rolled on her again, fumbling in his pockets to get out his purse while he trailed her body with soft kisses and bites. 

Soon he had what he had looked for and she was heavily aroused once more. She pulled down his trousers and they landed on the floor beside their other clothes. After a while Robin got more courageous and stripped him down. Without giving her much time to think, he once more trailed her body with kisses and put on the condom he has had in his wallet. 

“You really want this?”, he asked once more and she nodded. 

Cormoran carefully positioned himself and slowly pushed into her. Robin moaned, eyes closed, nails buried in his arms he had rested beside her. 

“Please tell me if you want me to stop”, he said and she nodded, not really concentrating at what he said. “Robin, have you heard me?”, he asked breathless while she moved her hips. 

“Yeah”, she breathed heavily. “Don’t stop Cormoran, please don’t”, she mumbled and he obeyed and pushed forward. 

It was a strange feeling, Robin had to admit. It was a mixture of pleasure and pain when he moved forward. She had never experienced all these feelings with Matthew and it was overwhelming. He stopped when he was fully buried inside her and waited. 

“Look at me”, he mumbled over her and she opened her eyes. 

Her beautiful eyes where dark with lust and she hungrily kissed him before he scrutinized her thoroughly. He didn’t want to fuck this up or hurt her in any way. 

“Are you fine?” 

She nodded and caressed his cheek with her fingers. 

“I am.” 

“You’re not hurt?” 

“No”, she said honestly and smiled a bit. “Don’t worry so much”, she said and kissed the tip of his nose. 

“I don’t want to mess this up. I don’t want you to do something you don’t want to do, I told you before. It’s important that you feel comfortable”, he mumbled. 

“You’re sweet”, she said and kissed him again. “Now love me like you mean it”, she mumbled and depend their kiss while he softly moved. 

Robin moaned and closed her eyes once more before he carefully moved again. He waited for her to make him stop, but she didn’t. His rhythm got steady but he also teased her. He wanted for this to last as long as possible. She could feel that he held back and took his face into her hands and looked at him.   
“Don’t... let go”, she said and he did. 

He pushed forward in a steady but fast rhythm. Robin could feel her orgasm build inside her while his expertly fingers drove her nuts once more. After a few more moments she came, his name on her lips. She looked beautiful and after a few thrusts he also lost it and shouted her name while he came. She held him and he buried his face in her neck. It wasn’t too uncomfortable, him laying on her, so she didn’t push Cormoran away and just held him. He was still inside her while he let her hands slide through his soft curls. They weren’t springy and rough like they had looked. Strike lay between her legs and finally moved. She winced when he pulled out and got rid of the condom before he lay beside her. 

“You alright?” 

Robin once more nodded, smiling happily at the young soldier. 

“I’m fine Cormoran.” His heart jumped when she said his name like this; soft, loving. “I’m completely good.” 

He smiled and kissed her hand before he covered them with the light duvet and pulled her closer. He had been completely different to what she had imagined it would be. He had been soft and carrying, yet she had expected him to do this rough and rush this. She had been so wrong, with many things about him. All this was different from what she knew from Matthew. Their love making had been quick and rushed and he had sometimes hurt her. Cormoran kissed her neck and cheek and inhaled her scent. She smelled of flowers, sweat and sex. 

“Thank you”, she then mumbled already half asleep. 

“For what?” 

“For not rushing things. It was wonderful, like it was”, Robin confessed and turned in his arms to look at him. “Thank you.” 

Her lips once more touched his and he closed his eyes. He didn’t know what to say so he stayed silent and just held her until she fell asleep in his arms soon. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's a longer chapter 4 since it's weekend and I won't probably update for the next days, lots of work again and on the road a lot...   
> happy weekend my dears and enjoy :) 
> 
> love, y.

When Robin woke up the next morning he was gone, a note beside her on the bed.

_ Robin, sorry I got to go. Duty’s calling. I’ll be back as soon as I can. Feel free to stay as long as you want. C.  _

Somehow disappointed, she wrapped herself in the duvet and got up. It was raining outside and nearly midday, when she looked at the small watch on the bedside table. The view from his room was amazing though. He had a direct look at the Thames. After a while Robin turned away from the stunning view and headed to the small bathroom to take a shower and dress afterwards. She felt unsure what to do now. She should be at uni, but it was impossible for her to get there in time for a lecture they had today, so she didn’t even try. Instead she waited for him. It was late in the afternoon when he was back, surprised to see that Robin was still here. 

“You’re still here”, he said and she nodded, sitting by his desk over some notes and a book about psychology. 

It felt awkward somehow. Different from last night. 

“I wasn’t sure to leave or stay. I wasn’t sure you’d want me to stay at all.”

“I’m happy you’re still here”, he confessed. “But your lectures you told me about?”

“I would have missed them anyway”, she mumbled somehow apologetically and he laughed. 

He hung up his coat and stepped to her, pressing a small kiss on her lips to say “hello” properly. She hummed happily and smiled when he let go of her.

“I’m sorry I had to leave. I couldn’t miss this day”,  Cormoran once more apologized.

“It’s fine.”

There was another awkward silence between them in which neither he nor Robin had a clue what to say. He had thought about her all day and about last night, had been sure though, that she would have left when he returned. Seeing her here, made all this different somehow. He didn’t exactly know what to say or how to go on. He had no clue if all this had been a simple one-time-thing or more? He liked her that was for sure. But he soon had to go again. A permanent relationship wouldn’t be a possibility then. But what if not? He had done this with Charlotte for years and it had more or less worked. He could ask if he could be stationed nearby and he was sure she would get used to him leaving for a while. Robin wasn’t sure what to do either. She was sure that more with him was impossible and that he didn’t want more than this. But hadn’t this been quite good as well? Would it be enough for her? Robin shoved the thought away, got up and put her things in her handbag.

“I... I want to leave”, she said silently and he accepted. 

It wouldn’t do any good to make her stay if she didn’t want to. He handed Robin her coat and guided her outside, praying that no one would see them. Outside she wanted to say goodbye but he offered to get her to the railway station and she agreed. They walked down the streets, his hand brushing hers until he slightly took them into his. Strike’s eyes asked for permission and she didn’t pull hers away. While Robin looked for the next train when they arrived, he lit up a cigarette, ignoring the curious looks some people shot him. Did he want to see her again? Definitely. Would she want to see him again? He wasn’t entirely sure. Her looks didn’t give anything of her feelings away. 

“The next train will leave in about 15 minutes”, she announced at her return. “I already got the ticket.”

“Alright”, he mumbled and looked at her.

“You don’t have to stay if you don’t have time”, she mumbled insecure but he took her hand once more.

“It’s fine. I’ve time.”

After he had finished his cigarette, they headed inside again and to her platform which was crowded, like the rest of the station. Silently they waited for the train to arrive. Deep in his thoughts what to say he played with her fingers and also Robin thought about the proper thing to say to him. The train arrived and released them from their agony. 

“I should go”, she said, looking into his blue eyes, still holding his hand.

“Will I see you again?”, he asked hopefully.

“Do you want to?”

“Do you?”, he asked her instead of answering. 

“I don’t know”, she confessed. 

Her answer startled him. What did she mean? Had something happened? What was going on?

“Robin I...”

The noise around them increase. There were loudspeaker announcements that her train would leave, the conductor gave the signal through his whistle and was about to close the doors. Quickly she kissed him and then hurried to the train. Grumpy the conductor scrutinized her. Strike just looked at her when the doors closed and the train drove off. 

The thoughts of her occupied his mind for the next weeks. He neither heard nor saw her so he decided to take his mind off her by working. He took as many missions as possible and ignored all of Nick’s invitations to pop by. He was on a case in Scotland and had a long night behind him when his phone rang. An unknown number. Tiredly he picked up.

“Strike.”

“ Oggy , finally! I was trying to get a hold of you for ages now. What’s going on? Why don’t you call back and ignore all our invitations?”

“I’m busy at the moment”, he just said and was putting the files away. “Lots of work.”

“C’mon mate, it can’t be that bad. You visited before. Did something happen?”

“What do you mean?”

“Last time I saw you, you were heading off with this girl. Then cancelled my night out at the pub a week after and no news since.  Ilsa is worried as well.”

“It’s nothing really. All is well”, he said. “I  gotta go Nick. I’ve an appointment in about an hour.

“ Oggy , don’t hang up now. Will we see each other soon?”

“I’m trying”, he said. “I’ll call you back.”

Without another word he hung up and sighed. He knew that his behaviour sucked but he couldn’t deal with their questions and all this right now. He just wanted to forget her. Tired he got up from the desk and headed to the bathroom of the small room he occupied for the time of this case. Afterwards he headed upstairs for a quick and strong cup of coffee before he returned undercover. The job ended badly though. Some of the men got killed, most ended up in hospital due to an explosion and some stray bullets.  Cormoran ended up in hospital as well. Some bullets had found its way and he had a slight concussion and a ruptured eardrum on the left side. A few days later he could leave, case solved and his reward would be some time off. Tired he returned to his small room in London and immediately headed to bed, sleeping until the next day. His thoughts kept drifting to Robin as soon as he woke. Her scent still lingered in his pillow. He wanted to see her again so he got up and took the next train to Oxford. Strike had dressed into some normal clothes so he would fit in again. First, he looked for Robin and found out where her lectures were held and waited in front of the auditorium until it was finished. He immediately saw her when she got out with some other girls, chatting about the lecture as it seemed. She had some books in her arms, wore tight jeans and a red blouse with a blazer over it. She looked beautiful. He leaned against a pillar and watched her. The girls stopped and one looked to him. 

“Robin, there’s a guy over there, he’s watching us.”

“Damn he’s hot”, said a second girl and Robin looked into his direction. 

Immediately their eyes locked and she blushed. He stood straight and smiled a bit. Her friends saw how her behaviour changed and asked her.

“Do you know him?”, one said. 

“I guess you do”, another said. “The way he looks at you!”

“Is he the one you talked about?”, the third friend asked and she blushed even more.

“Oh my god! I know him”, the first one said. “It’s the guy from the party!”

Cormoran got closer and she could see the slight limp and how he tried not to move his shoulder too much. Something was wrong, she could feel it. 

“I... I’ll be there in a moment”, Robin said and stepped to him. 

For a moment she worriedly scrutinized him and could see the remaining trails of some bruises and cuts on his face. She hesitated before she slowly let a finger slide over his left cheek where he had a rough and deep cut left.

“What happened?”

“Nothing”, he mumbled softly and took her hand away. “How are you?”

“I’m good”, she said although it wasn’t entirely true. 

She had missed him. She had hoped to see him but he simply didn’t show up and Robin had been too afraid to call or contact him herself. She had never done this before and had thought that it had been a one-time-thing for him. Also, she hadn’t been sure if she wanted to see him again. She was sure that it wouldn’t work anyway due to his job and the distance. She didn’t want to get involved this much or it would just hurt. But now that he was here, she was happy to see him and felt this funny feeling inside her stomach again. 

“I’m so sorry I didn’t call... I wasn’t sure what to do. I...”

“It’s fine”, Strike interrupted her and let his fingertips glide over her cheek. “Do you want to have dinner?”

“I’d love to”, she confessed. “I’ll have some more lectures until later that day. Do you want to come?”

“I’ve another thing to do but I’ll pick you up afterwards.”

“Sounds brilliant.”

He leaned down and softly kissed her before he left once more to look for Nick and  Ilsa . He had to apologise and tell them what’s going on. Robin didn’t want to let him go thought. She once more pulled him softly down and kissed him, longer this time. They both smiled when she let go of him before she hurried back to her friends who immediately shoved her away and asked her about him. He laughed and then headed to find his friends. Like he had suspected, he found  Ilsa in the library over some notes and books. He softly said her name and his friend sprung up and hugged him tightly. A soft groan of pain escaped his mouth and he shoved her a bit away. 

“Corm, you okay?”, she asked concerned. “You look horrible, what happened?”

“Just some injuries from work, nothing too serious.”

“Does Nick know you’re here?”

“I haven’t seen him yet. No.”

“Oh Corm... What’s going on? You changed so much lately. We’re worried. Is it Charlotte again?”

“Why would you think that?”

“You relapsed before.”

“It’s not Charlotte”, he said honest. “I met someone. It’s a bit complicated though.”

“Come one, let’s have some tea at our place. Nick will be home soon and then you can tell us properly.”

He agreed.  Ilsa packed her things and the both of them left the university and headed the few streets to the small flat both of them had rent a while ago. It was a lovely and bright flat.  Ilsa made them some tea in the small kitchen that opened up into a small living room.  Cormoran tiredly sank on the sofa and closed his eyes for a moment. His wounds hurt and he was still tired from the last weeks.  Ilsa saw that he didn’t felt too good. Smilingly she handed her friend the cup of tea and sat beside him.

“Do you want to tell me Corm?”

“I met this girl. She broke up with her boyfriend and I helped her. I stayed at her place that night of the party, since I missed the train. Nothing happened. I left in the morning and we only saw each other a week after.”  Ilsa saw the look in his eyes when he explained what had happened. “She got me my gloves I had left at her place. We kissed and had dinner and...”

Ilsa saw him blush a bit. This seemed to be special for him. She hadn’t seen him like this before. Not with Charlotte anyway. But then he seemed to be confused and unsure as well.

“So it was the girl from the party Nick told me about?” He nodded. “She’s special to you?”

“She is. She is special. But I don’t know how to go on. I don’t know if she wants to see me. I’m always on the road and never stay for long in one place. She’s unsure if she wants this and I understand it. She doesn’t have a lot of experience and her boyfriend seemed like a huge dick. I’m not sure this will work at all.”

“But you want it to work?”

“I don’t know. As I said it’s complicated.”

“And what happened the last weeks? You never called back. You don’t look too well now.”

He stayed silent and sipped from his tea when the door opened and Nick got home. 

“ Oggy !”, he said surprised when he entered the living room. “You came.”

“Nick, good to see you mate”, he said and smiled at his friend.

Nick quickly kissed  Ilsa and then looked at the tea cup. 

“Tea?”, he said. “I guess you need something stronger mate.”

He quickly headed into the kitchen and  Ilsa followed him, holding their empty cups.  Cormoran watched them, they looked genuinely happy. He could see that she quickly informed Nick what had happened and he smiled. They cared so much and he loved them for it. Both returned quite concerned and Nick sat in the armchair opposite him.

“What happened  Oggy ?”, Nick asked. “ Ilsa told me about the girl. But why did you not called or said something? Why did you shut yourself off?”

“I’m sorry I was a dick, but I just needed some time.”

“Why are you here now?”, Nick wanted to know and finally handed him a glass with a golden liqueur in it. “Here drink. You’re quite pale.”

“Thanks mate.”

His shoulder hurt and Nick saw that something was wrong. He stepped to him. 

“Show me”, he demanded but  Cormoran denied.

“It’s nothing. Just a scratch. We had an incident during a case.”

“Corm... Don’t risk so much. You’ll get yourself killed.”

“It’s my job  Ilsa . I simply do my job.”

“And what about this girl? What’s her name anyway?”, the young woman wanted to know.

“Robin. Her name’s Robin”, he said and smiled a little. “She studies psychology. Clever girl. Beautiful.”

“You love her”,  Ilsa said. 

“I like her”, he corrected her. “I’m just not sure how this will go on or if it’ll go on.”

“Talk to her. I’m sure if she wants you, you guys figure something out.”

He knew she was right. He knew he should ask her about her feelings.

“Maybe I should”, he mumbled in his thoughts. 

“Will you see her again?”

“I invited her to dinner”,  Cormoran said. “I’ll pick her up after her last lecture.”

“ Wanna crash here until then?”, Nick asked. “You look tired  Oggy .”

“Sounds like a good idea”,  Cormoran said smiling. “Thanks guys.”

Ilsa stood up and kissed him on the cheek. 

“That’s what we’re her for, silly.”

“ Ilsa’s right. We will always be here if you need us. Just don’t shut yourself off from the world.”

He sipped the rest of his drink and after a while fell asleep on the sofa.

It was late when Robin left the building. Her friends had thoroughly asked her about the man she had kissed but she had answered their questions very vague. She had no idea what this even was. They had to talk about it. She shoved the thought away and was quite looking forward to have dinner with him. She looked around and finally found him. He walked over the lawn towards her. He looked tired and sleepy, his hair ruffled. It was very sexy, she thought and blushed. 

“Hi”, he said when he stood in front of her. 

“Hi.”

He could see the slight blush on her cheek, avoiding his look for a moment before she stood on tiptoes and quickly kissed him on the mouth. It was a soft and innocent kiss. He smiled.

“C’mon let’s go.”

He took her hand and they headed to an old pub they had dinner in. She had quite some appetite and he would remember it for further occasions like this. He asked her about her day.

“It was good. Lots of stuff to learn over the weekend though”, she said before sipping from her white wine. 

“What did you do meanwhile?”

“I visited Nick and  Ilsa ”, he simply said before taking a big sip of his beer.

“Your friends from  uni ?” 

He nodded and struggled for a moment to ask her what was going on in her mind. But then he simply decided to go for it.

“Robin, what is this for you?”

“What do you mean?”

“This thing between us, how do you feel about it?”

“I’m not sure to be honest. I miss you when we don’t see each other and all seems to go well but I’m not sure.”

“Why not?”, he wanted to know. 

“I’m not sure if you want more or if this is a simple affair for you until you leave again.”

Wow, that was honest.  Cormoran scrutinized her. So her fears apparently were his as well.

“So you want more? You want something permanent?”

“I know you don’t”, she sighed and looked away. 

He took her hand and she finally looked at him again, their eyes locked and he smiled.

“I do though. I want more if you want more. I really hope this can work”, he directly said and she was astonished. 

He wanted more? But how could they make this work? She was here and he was God knows where most of the time.

“I... It’s hard to not say no to this.”

“Then don’t”, he smiled at her and she laughed.

“Alright”, she said. “But promise me one thing. Only one.”

“What is it Robin?”

“If you don’t want to be with me anymore, just leave.”

Startled he looked at her. What was all this about? Had this something to do with her ex-boyfriend?

“Alright”, he simply agreed. 

He’d ask her about this when things got more “normal” between them. Robin smiled a little and had another sip of wine. From this point on, all seemed easier between them. Their talks, the touches, the looks. It was late when they left the pub. Strike lit up a cigarette and looked into the starry night. It was late June and finally warmer after the last rainy weeks. He wore a leather jacket over his t-shirt but handed it to Robin who was slightly cold now.

“Thank you”, she said.

“You’re still worried”, he figured when she looked into the night while he smoked.

“I’m sorry... All this is so new. I don’t even know how we’ll manage to see each other regularly.”

“We’ll find some ways. Don’t think too much about all this. We can manage. I’m sure we’ll find a routine.”

Robin believed him. She believed him that this could work. All this was way too quick though but why not, he thought. It felt right. Completely right, compared to his relationship with Charlotte. She interrupted his thoughts by getting closer and putting her hands on his chest. He looked down at her and smiled softly.

“Do you want to stay tonight?”, she asked and batted her lashes at him. 

“Do you want me to stay?”

“Very much”, she said breathlessly and let her hand slid over his chest.

He could feel the tension between them and her body heat in the night. He got rid of his cigarette and rested his hands on her hips. She put a hand on his cheek and with soft fingers traced down his collar bone and chin over his stubbles. For a moment he closed his eyes and smiled.

“What?”, she mumbled softly.

“I missed this. Your touch, your body under my fingers...”

“Come on, it’s late and you look tired”, she said and took his hand before they strolled back to her place. 

Like the last time he had been here, there were notes on the kitchen table and books spread all over the flat. The moment the door was closed, Robin was by his side and all over him. He couldn’t deny that he wanted her. It was obvious since his body betrayed him in her presence. She stripped him of the t-shirt and a groan of pain escaped his mouth. Shit... His shoulder was still not too good.

“You okay?”, she asked concerned and looked at the small bandage he had on his shoulder. 

“I’m good.”

Her hands ran over his muscular chest. He was falling as soon as her lips touched his. He kissed her back, hungrily for her kisses and touches. His strong hands shoved the jacket and her blazer over her shoulders and he started fumbling at the buttons of her blouse. They movements where hurried and impatient. Strike shoved her to the bed and softly pushed her into the cushions, trailing her body with kisses before they made sweet and gentle love. It wasn’t rushed, it was slow and intense and afterwards he held her in his arms before he fell asleep. 

It was early when Strike woke up. Robin was lying beside him, close, her hands fisted in the bedsheet, mumbling something and restless. Maybe she had a bad dream? He rolled on his side, and caressed her cheek before he softly kissed her temple. Strike popped up on one arm and looked down at her. She was beautiful. Her hair ruffled, her cheeks blushed, lips parted. He watched her deep in his thoughts. He was sure this would work, he could feel it. Everything with her felt right for him. All was different than what he had with Charlotte. Their relationship had been yeasty with all the ups and downs and Charlotte’s mood swings. All the fights, all the times she had left and came back. Robin was different, she was loving, calm and sometimes shy even. He loved being with her. He loved her laugh, he loved when she talked about her courses at  uni. She was beautiful and for the moment she was his. After a while he fell asleep again and woke to the smell of coffee and the ring of the doorbell. He heard Robin go and answer it. He couldn’t hear what she was talking but after a while he heard some angry voices by the door. Something was wrong.  Cormoran stood up and grabbed his trousers. Quickly he slipped into them and headed into the small corridor where he saw Robin and Matthew arguing. 

“I told you it’s over. I don’t want to see you anymore”, she said harsh, nearly crying. 

“It was one time, Rob. Why won’t you forgive me?”

“You cheated on me! Instead you’d have left me you cheated. With Sarah!”

“I told you. I was upset. Please Robin...”

He wanted to take her hand but Robin stepped back. 

“Don’t touch me!”, she said and Strike could hear her accent slip this time. 

“Can I come in? Please, let me in and talk about all this. I’m sure we can do this.”

“No.” Robin stepped in front of him so he wouldn’t come in. “I told you what I want. Just leave me alone.”

“Are you seeing someone?”, he now asked suspicious. 

“If I do, it’s none of your business anymore.”

“You do. You little slut! I know it was different between us. You have an affair?”

She could see, that he got quite angry now and he grabbed her by the arm. His grip was strong and he hurt her.

“You fucking have someone after not even two months?”

“Let me go!”, she said but he didn’t and started shouting.

Immediately Strike was by her side and pulled her away from Matthew. The young man looked at him and then at Robin.   
“It’s him!”, he then shouted. “He interfered that day. You bitch! It was him the whole time!”

“I told you before, leave her alone”, Strike grumbled and looked hatefully at the other man.

“It’s none of your business! My life is my own! Leave me alone! I don’t ever  wanna see you again!”, she said and started crying. 

Robin pulled  Cormoran away and quickly locked the door before she started crying heavily now. They could hear Matthew shout in front of the door. Strike pulled her into his arms where she cried and cried. Now he knew what she meant by asking him to leave if he didn’t love her. She would rather be alone than be cheated on. Like Matthew had did it. Strike guided her into the other room where he softly pulled her on the sofa, still holding her.

“Sch.... It’s fine. He can’t harm you. I’m here.”

Robin stayed in his arms and after a while calmed down.

“I’m so sorry”, she mumbled at his chest.

“What for?”

“That you had to see this. I... He came here before and asked me for forgiveness but I simply can’t... I don’t love him anymore but wanted to go on and then he... With his best friend...”

“Fucker”, he grumbled and Robin laughed a little.

“Thank you for being here for me”, she mumbled and then looked at him. 

She could see in his eyes that he cared and was worried. He softly dried some tears with his thumb before he pressed his lips on hers for a moment. 

“I’ll always be there if you need me”, he mumbled and kissed her again.

Robin felt a stab in her stomach. Did he meant what he said? She looked at him for a moment and then hugged him tight. 

“Breakfast?”, she said and smiled a little when she let go of him and looked into his blue eyes.

“Sounds perfect.”

Gushing Robin jumped up and hurried to the kitchen unit to prepare them breakfast. She seemed happier now and he could see a little smile on her face while making them a cup of tea.  Cormoran watched her for a while before he excused himself and headed to the bathroom. When he returned, Robin hummed while making some pancakes. He stepped to her and slung his arms around her waist before he kissed her neck. She giggled. 

“Will you stay?”, she then asked him.

“It’s Saturday. I don’t have other plans for the weekend”, he simply said and smiled before he nibbled at her ear again and wandered with soft kisses down her neck to her shoulder while slowly pulling the fabric of the dressing gown off her shoulder. 

“Sounds perfect”, she said breathless while his hands wandered down her body to the belt of her dressing gown. 

She flipped over the pancake while he continued with his touches.

“ Cormoran I’m trying to make breakfast here”, she said offended but he could hear that it was in jest. “Don’t you want some?”

“Hm... I’d rather liked to continue this.” 

He let his hand slide over her tight upwards and she moaned softly, resting her head against his shoulder. He laughed softly while she mumbled his name.

“Put off the stove, love.”

Robin obeyed and put the pan away before he pulled her around and a few feet away and sat her on the canvas. Immediately her lips where on his again and she pulled him between her legs she wrapped around him and soon breakfast was forgotten.


	5. Chapter 5

Strike spend the whole weekend at her place and they mostly stayed in bed. It was a wonderful time to freely touch and feel each other whenever they wanted and to talk and find out more about the other. The times they didn’t spend in bed, she tried to study but it didn’t take them long to get distracted again. It was early on Monday morning when he left for London again. She didn’t want to let him go, even though he promised her to show up as soon as he could. He got her to uni before he headed to the train station. It was about 10am when he arrived at his place to get changed into some fresh clothes. He just stepped out of the bathroom when his phone rang. 

“Strike.” 

“We got a case for you”, his old mate Hardy said. “You got to go undercover for a while. It’s in Germany.” 

“How long?”, he asked. 

“I don’t know. At least a month. Can you come over and I file you in?” 

“Sure. I’ll be there in a bit.” 

“Thanks Oggy.” 

“Fuck”, Strike grumbled when he had ended the call. 

He grabbed a new uniform and slipped into it. He should tell Robin, but first he would find out what this was all about and what Hardacre wanted. Strike grabbed the pack of cigarettes, his purse and keys and left for the office of his friend where he arrived half an hour later. He knocked and stepped inside. 

“Ah Oggy, good you’re here already.” 

He closed the door and sat in front of the huge desk Hardacre was currently occupying. Strike sat in the chair and Hardy smiled at him. 

“You look tired.” 

“Haven’t had much sleep, but I’m fine”, Cormoran said and his friend laughed. 

“A girl?” 

“What do you want me to do?” 

“We got word, that there have been a few cases of drug abuse and illegal fights in the base in Germany. I want you to go undercover and find out more. Get all the information before we find the men who are responsible. You’re up for it?” 

Strike nodded and for the next hour Hardacre gave him all the information he’d need and a flight ticket and false papers. 

“You’re flight’s on tonight. I’ll give you more details about a contact and stuff later.” 

Strike nodded. Tonight.... He had a training in the late afternoon so he had no possibility to see her before he’d fly off to Germany. Except... 

“Hardy can I ask a favour?” 

“Sure, what do you need?” 

“Can I borrow your car? I need to do something before tonight.” 

“Sure.” 

Hardy took the keys from his desk and gave them to him. Cormoran thanked him and left with the promise to be back in time for tonight. Hardy smiled at his friend. He suspected a girl to be the reason for his behaviour but then he wasn’t sure. Strike left the building and got the car where he drove off to Oxford. He had to try and talk to her. It didn’t take much time until he was there and luckily, he found a parking space immediately. It was lunch time and there where students everywhere. He had no clue where she could be. He tried the library but had no luck. Afterwards the canteen and the rooms where he knew she had her lectures before. Nothing. He tried and called her and to his luck she picked up. 

“Cormoran?” 

“Hi, I... I’m at the Uni. Where are you? I need to speak to you, it’s important.” 

“I’m in a different building. We’re heading to the park at the moment to have a little picknick. Where are you?” 

He told her and she promised to be there in a few minutes. Impatient he lit up a cigarette and started smoking while he waited for her to arrive. A few minutes later she did and smilingly hurried from her friends to him. The other girls were waiting and started gossiping a bit when Robin had left them and hurried to him instead. He just had put his fag away and smiled when she got to him. She wore a dark green summer dress, her hair done up and kissed him quickly. 

“Hi.” 

“Hey”, he mumbled and kissed her again. 

He couldn’t get enough of her now that she was here again. 

“What was it you wanted to tell me? You sounded quite serious. Is everything alright?” 

He could hear the concern in her voice, see it in her eyes. He took her hand. 

“I’m fine. Do you have a moment?” 

“Sure.” 

He hesitated. This was too open. He wanted to do this in private. He took her hand in his and played with her fingers while he hesitated how to start. 

“Just spit it out”, she said and smiled reassuringly. 

“I gotta go away for a while.” 

Robin felt as if he had slapped her and he could see that she got pale. 

“Now?” 

“I’m so sorry, I had no idea that something like this would be coming up.” 

“Is there no other one for the job?”, she asked hopeful. 

“No”, he simply said. “I’m sorry Robin, I truly am.” 

“How long will you be gone?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“Where will you go?” 

She wanted to know as much as she could before he would leave for this job. Strike felt that she was backing off again and he didn’t want that. Not after what they had. He pulled her into his arms and held her. 

“I’m off to Germany. I got to go undercover for it. I can’t tell you more though.” 

Robin hugged him and rested her head on his chest. He kissed her hair and held her tight. 

“I don’t want you to leave”, she said. 

“I don’t want to go either. Not now. But I have to. I’m trying to write or call as often as possible. I promise.” She pressed a soft kiss against his lips. “Will you wait for me?” 

“I will.” Her hands slipped to the buttons of his jacket and she looked a moment to her friends. “I’ve an hour off”, she mumbled. 

He knew what she had in mind when she opened the first button of his uniform. 

“What about your friends?” 

“What about them?”, she said not knowing what he meant. 

He laughed and kissed her playfully in front of them. 

“They are talking about us.” 

“I’ll be back in a sec”, she said and hurried to the other girls. 

He could see them talk and only one of them seemed to be angry that Robin was leaving. Robin didn’t care. She returned to Cormoran, took his hand and led him off the campus. 

“Where are we going?” 

“Home.” 

He laughed, stopped her and led her to the car instead. Silently she sat beside him while he got to her flat. She took his hand and they got upstairs. As soon as the door to her flat was closed, he was all over her. He held her up and shoved her against the wall while she slung her legs around him. Cormoran moaned, Robin laughed slightly. 

“Condom”, he breathed. “Right trouser pocket.” 

She obeyed and pulled it out before fumbling at his zipper and opening his trousers. His hands where gliding under the skirt of her dress and he ripped her panties. He took her right here. 

“I thought you said you had an hour off”, he said while she dragged him to the bed. 

“I don’t care.” 

“Robin please. I don’t want you to miss your lectures just because of me.” 

“But I don’t want to leave.” 

“Uni is important. You already missed too much because of me. Come on. I’ll get you back.” 

“That’s not fair”, she mumbled and laughed. 

He dressed and so did Robin before they left and he got her back to the campus. He softly kissed her goodbye but Robin wouldn’t let go. 

“Come on baby. You gotta go back.” 

“If I don’t hear from you regularly, I’ll personally will come there and find you”, she threatened him and he laughed. “I mean it!” 

“I’ll call as soon as I can. Maybe I can make it home for a day. I’ll tell you when I’ll come back as soon as I know more.” 

“Okay”, she said. 

They kissed for a while before he softly shoved her away. 

“Now go love.” 

This time Robin obeyed and left with a last look back. She felt sad and lonely when she saw him drive off. He is coming back soon, she said to herself and tried to concentrate at uni instead until he would return. 


	6. Chapter 6

It was past midnight when Strike arrived in Germany. Like Hardy had  preconcerted , he would meet his contact person as soon as he’d leave the airport. He waited for his bag and then made his way outside. It was a warm summer night and he lit up a cigarette while waiting. His thoughts drifted to Robin for a moment and unwillingly he smiled when a young man stepped to him.

“ Cormoran Strike?”, he asked.

“Yes.”

“I’m your contact, Jasper Clark.”

The two men shook hands and Strike scrutinized him for a moment. The man opposite him was probably a bit younger than himself, had ginger hair, freckles, broad shoulders and his nose looked as if it was broken a few times before. He was about 5’9 and very slim. He smiled and looked as if he was a nice guy.

“Lieutenant  Hardacre called me about this. I was working this case for a while but I can’t seem to get any evidence. He told me you were good. I hope we can get this solved soon since you’re here now.”

“Let’s wait and see”, Strike said with a soft smile for the young man and they headed off. 

“You’ll stay at my place. Small flat in the middle of the city. You’ll soon get used to it. Berlin’s not a bad place to be. Just a lot going on”, he said while they headed from the airport to a nearby tube station.

“How long have you been here?”

“About two years now.”

“Tell me more about this case”, he demanded while they waited for a train to arrive. 

“We had more regular cases of illegal boxing fights. Some men nearly got killed but all stayed silent. There was also a higher amount of illegal usage. Cocaine, heroin, pills. You name it, you get it. We don’t know how this stuff gets to them. I just know that some are more dismissive and involved than others”, Jasper explained. “I tried everything to get closer to them. Bought their stuff, fought but they just laughed and said I should try when I’m older”, he grumbled.

“So you asked for help.”

“I did. My superiors said they’d get one of the bests and here you are. I heard of your reputation. You had lots of jobs over the last years and have a good quote of actually solving your cases. You’re an excellent boxer as well. Exactly what we need here.”

“But won’t they know what we’re up to because of my so-called good reputation?”

“Nah mate. They don’t care about this stuff. Plus no one has ever seen you here. There are no pics or anything. You never used your name in all those solved cases and  Hardacre faked some or your records. Hang on I got them for you.”

He got an envelope out of the inner pocket of his jacket and handed it to Strike who shoved it in his bag to look at later.

“Anything else I should know?”

“You speak German?”

“A little. But not too good”, he said honest. 

“No problem. We’ll get there over the weeks.”

The tube arrived and they drove off, while Jasper told him more. They ended up in a dirty looking area of the city. There were some junkies and drunks on their way to his flat. He lived in an old building a few minutes away from the tube. 

“I’ve the penthouse”, he explained. “This area is a bit dingy but the rents are low and the flat is amazing. You’ll like it.”

“And you call a penthouse small flat?”, Strike said and Jasper laughed.

They headed inside and made their way upstairs to the penthouse flat. Like he had said, the flat was stunning. It was huge and had a brilliant view over the city including a roof terrace. 

“Nice”, Strike said when they entered the living room area. 

There was a huge kitchen on the left-hand side and even a fireplace on the right near a cosy looking sitting area. 

“The hallway’s leading down to the office and bedrooms and baths. Your room is at the end including an own bathroom and you can go to the terrace.”

“This is amazing”, Strike said genuinely surprised now. “You live her on your own?”

“Yes. I sometimes just have some guys like you over but that’s it. Dinner?”

“I’ll just head off to bed if that’s fine.”

“Sure, whatever you want.”

“Thanks Jasper”, he said and left down the hallway to the room at the end.

Strike entered the room and was stunned. It was huge with an enormous bed on the left side and a brilliant view over the city. He put his bag beside a chair by the wardrobe and headed to the bathroom. Small but with everything you needed. Even a bathtub. Strike quickly undressed and took a shower emerging with a towel around his hips when his mobile rang. He hurried to get the call.

“Strike?”

“Hi”, Robins soft voice said at the other end. “I hope I didn’t wake you?”

“No, we just got to the flat. How was your day?”

Strike grabbed his cigarettes and got out of the terrace. It was a warm night. He lit up the fag and looked at the Berlin night sky while Robin told him about her day.

“It was boring. I told you it won’t be necessary to attend”, she grumbled and he laughed. “How was your flight? How’s Germany?”

“The flight was good and Germany... Well haven’t seen too much of it yet but I’m staying with a comrade. The view of his flat is stunning. I wish you could see that.”

“I wish I could be there”, she mumbled before there was a long silence between them. 

“You should go to bed”, he said after a while, nearly finished with his cigarette. 

“I should”, she agreed. “ Cormoran ?”

“Yes Robin?”

“Promise me you’ll be careful?”

He wanted to, but he knew what a case like this could bring with it. Especially when he was undercover. Robin could feel him hesitate at the other end of the phone. She sighed.

“I’ll try Robin. I can’t promise though.”

“Alright”, she mumbled.

“Go to bed”, Strike finally said after another long pause. “I’ll call you as soon as I can.”

“Okay. Goodnight  Cormoran .”

“Goodnight Robin.”

Quickly he hung up or he knew they’d never end this call. She was worried but there was no need to. Not now at least. Shoving the thoughts of her away, he headed inside – leaving the door open – and got to bed.

It was early in the morning when he woke again and got up. He dressed in jeans, t-shirt and headed with the files, to the kitchen to make himself some coffee. Jasper wasn’t up yet. He was thankful that he had a bit time for himself to do some more research before they’d head off. He read through his faked record Hardy had got him, through a copy of the case files and some notes from Jasper. Like he had said, there had been more cases of drug violation, illegal fights and apparently secret meetings. No one knew what they discussed and only a few chosen ones could attend them. Hardy had made his cover perfect. Officially he was charged for illegal drug abuse and dealing, boxing fights and had a record of other rule violations as well as alcohol and anger issues, a lone wolf. He did some more research until Jasper got up an hour later. After another quick cup of coffee their made their way to the German base. It wasn’t large and located in the middle of the city near the Brandenburg Gate. Jasper got him in and upstairs to one of their superiors. They discussed how they’d do this and what was the first logical step. They decided on just blending in for the moment so  Cormoran would meet a few of his comrades during a job this afternoon. Until then Jasper would introduce him and they’d have a bit of paperwork. The next hours they spent it with research in his office and then they headed to the places that were important for their work. They headed to the gym they occupied a few blocks away, the park where some of the soldiers  dealed with drugs, the training facility where they had different lectures and after all that a bar they usually hung out at. They occupied a small table in a darkened corner and planned how to go on. 

“I think it’ll be better if you stick to yourself. Show up to the boxing training, to the lectures and try to get involved in the business. We’ll get them eventually.”

“How long do you think this is going to take?” Strike asked suspicious.

“I don’t know. They are very suspicious and picky when it comes to choose their followers. 

Strike sipped at his pint and then headed out for a cigarette. His thoughts circled around the case. This was going to get complicated and dangerous. He thought of a plan and decided it would be best to build up a solid cover. After he had finished his cigarette, he returned to Jasper and discussed this with him. 

“What about some rumours? A fight I got in? This usually works to get their attention.”

“What are you thinking about?”

They had a few more beers before they headed back and called it a night.  Cormoran took another shower and sat at the small desk by the window to get over some more files of some potential subjects. After a while and too many drinks, his thoughts kept drifting to Robin. He wondered what she would do at the moment.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for so many lovely comments on this story. I'm steadily working to get it going and finish it soon so another short chapter tonight.   
> Enjoy, Y.

Robin sat over some notes from today’s lectures. She couldn’t concentrate. Her thoughts kept drifting off to  Cormoran . She missed him, even though the relationship they had was somehow strange. She didn’t really know him, yet she felt safe and loved and happy with him. It all happened a bit quick, but maybe it was best as it was now. Robin shoved the thought away and tried to concentrate on her studies when the doorbell rang. Still in her thoughts she went to open and immediately regretted it.

“Matthew", she simply said.

“Please don’t shut me out again. I’m only here to talk.”

“What could you still want? We talked, you know my thoughts about this.”

“Mostly I came to apologise. I’ve been an arse and you’re right. It’s none of my business with whom you are together. But I’m worried Robin. I did some research about this guy. He’s no good Robin. He got a bad reputation.”

“Why would you say that? You don’t even know him.”

“Please, read this. I just want the best for you.”

He handed her a manila envelope and then left. Robin closed the door and looked at it for a moment.

“This is ridiculous...”, the young woman mumbled and tossed it on the small table by the couch before she tried to get back to her studies. 

Still his words stayed into her mind and about an hour later, after not actually concentrating on her studies, she got up and took the envelop once more. She sat on the sofa and looked through the stuff Matthew had got her. It we’re official files from the Army and reports about Strike. Also, from his childhood and his family. Robin was shocked about the stuff she read. Had he lied to her the whole time? He was charged for illegal drug abuse and dealing, boxing fights and had a record of other rule violations as well as alcohol and anger issues. His mum had been the famous Leda Strike who had OD'd and his father was rock legend Jonny  Rockeby . Apparently after his mother had died, he had accused her boyfriend and second husband Jeff Whittaker of killing her. Police didn’t find any evidence though and dropped the charges.  Cormoran soon after got charged with mayhem against Whittaker but the judge found him not guilty due to his critical mental state after his mother's death. His sister, who had lived with him, grew up at his Uncle's place. The record just mentioned that he visited Oxford University for a while and then joined the Army.

Why did Matthew give her this and how? This were personal files. Files that made her unsure about  Cormoran . Yet she wasn't sure if they were true at all. He had been so different. He didn’t seem like a junkie and there were no traces of drug abuse whatsoever. But then, maybe she was just too blind to see the truth? It was late and Robin wouldn’t manage to study for  uni , not with the thoughts about  Cormoran in her head, so she decided to head to bed instead.

Early in the morning Jasper and  Cormoran made their way to the base. They split up so he could blend in and do the job he was here for. Curious looks followed him while he headed to take new orders from his superior. By lunch time everyone had heard of him and his reputation. Everything was going according to plan. It was late and he was about to leave when one of the men approached him.

“You're the new one", he said and stretched his hand out. “John Fields.”

“ Cormoran Strike.”

“What brings you here,  Cormoran ?”

“Well I fucked things up a bit so this is my punishment. Stuck in Germany for a while...”

John Fields laughed and scrutinized him. 

“Got into a fight then?”, he asked and gestured to his healing wound at his cheek.

“Yeah... Boxing fight with a comrade. They caught us.”

“Boxing? But that’s not illegal, is it?”, John asked slowly. 

“It was by that time. We had some bets and some business rolling. Was high as a kite...”

Cormoran knew that the other man tried to do, so he played along. 

“You’re into this sort of thing?”

“Sometimes... But I guess it’s over now that I’m stuck in this place.”

“Well let’s wait and see”, John said and winked a bit. “Up for a pint with my mates?”

“Sounds good.”

They headed to the pub Jasper had showed him where John introduced him to some of his mates. He introduced them to everyone and they had a few pints. The rest of the evening was calm and they continued to watch him so he continued playing his part, spreading false information. 

“I heard you moved in with this Jasper guy...”, one of the men said.

“I had to. It’s part of the arrangement so I can stay. He’s an annoying brat though.”

The other men laughed. 

“Yeah... Don’t like ‘hem... Always too  c’rrect with  ev’rythin ’.”

“Plus he’s trying to get to us”, said a third. “Never  gonna happen mate.”

Strike could see the look Fields shot him and he immediately was silent. He didn’t ask what this was about to not make himself suspicious so he let it go and sipped from his drink.

“You mean he wants to be part of your gang?”

“You can say that mate”, said John and laughed. “But he’s not the right one. You on the other hand seem like a nice bloke. Quite adventurous and a bit rebellious though.”

“Oh just sometimes”, Strike said once more and the others laughed. 

He stayed careful although he tried to look as if he enjoyed this evening in their company. John kept watching him and it was late when they both made their way home. Fields by his side, chatting.

“You seem like a nice bloke”, he said to gain the other man’s trust. 

“Thanks mate. I’m sure you’ll get used to staying here soon”, Fields said, careful himself. “Berlin is not a bad place and you definitely can enjoy yourself if you know where. There are lots of great places.”

“Sounds brilliant.”

They parted half an hour later at the tube station and Strike headed home to Jasper’s place, careful that no one followed him. He made his way upstairs the old building and opened the door. Something seemed odd. 

“Jasper?”, he shouted into the silence of the penthouse but received no answer.

He made his way down the corridor to the kitchen and living room area. That was where he found a stranger, sitting on their sofa, watching him curiously. 

“ Cormoran Strike”, he said. “Glad we have the chance to meet.”

“More like you broke into the flat but I get what you mean”, he said sarcastically. “What do you want?”

“I heard a great deal about you. Your reputation proceeds you.”

„Can’t say I’ve heard anything about you“, Strike said sarcastically and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

The other man laughed and got up. 

“I hope we hear of each other soon”, the man said while passing him and leaving the flat. 

What the fuck was that about, he asked himself and checked the locks. No sign of a break-in. How did he get in there? He called Jasper and told him about the strange encounter.

“That’s weird mate. But a good sign? I mean they took notice of you. Maybe this’ll help us with this case.”

“Let’s wait and see. What are we up to now? Are we waiting? Are we making a move?”

“I’ll pick you up later. We’re heading to the gym. Trying to make contact there.”

“Alright.”

Cormoran hung up and got to the kitchen to get a drink. This case war more sinister than he had expected at first. 

An hour later they were at the gym and had split up to train.  Cormoran headed to the weights like he usual did and occupied his racing mind. Something about this case was completely odd. Nothing seemed to fit here and he was still thinking about the man’s visit when a young man stepped to him.

“I’m looking for a partner for some boxing. You’re in?”

Cormoran put down the weights and scrutinized the other man a moment before he nodded and followed him into a separate room where a boxing ring was. He taped his hands, slipped into the gloves and got into the ring with the other man. 

“My name’s Robert by the way”, he introduced himself.

“ Cormoran .”

“Let’s do this then”, he said and they trained together. 

It was a long and exhausting workout and it was late again when he and Jasper returned to his flat. Strike and the young man had a quick dinner consisting of some Chinese takeout from a few blocks away. Afterwards he headed to his room and took a shower. Their workout had been exhausting and he had received a few heavy punches from Robert. Sore and in his thoughts, he sank into the soft cushions and thought about the case. All this had happened too fast, his introduction to these guys, the strange man being here just a few hours ago. Strike’s experience told him, that something was wrong with this case yet he had no clue what could it be. Even though he was tired, his thoughts kept him awake. Annoyed by it, he stood up again, put on some pyjama pants and headed to the terrace to smoke. While he looked over the nightly skyline his thoughts drifted to Robin and he wondered what she was doing. Probably being asleep, he guessed. He put the fag away and took his phone after going inside again to text her. 

_ Case is going slow. Hope you had a good day and  _ _ Uni _ _ is going well? C. _

Robin heard her phone beep and picked it up. A text from  Cormoran . She read it but didn’t answer. The young woman was still confused about him. How could he be so caring and nice and have a violent history in his records? It didn’t make any sense. It was past midnight and she was still up, studying for a test tomorrow. Yet she couldn’t concentrate. She knew that they had to talk about this but not today, she said herself and headed to bed instead. Yet she lay awake as well, thinking about him, wondering who he truly was.


	8. Chapter 8

_ 3 months later _

Cormoran returned from a job quite late. He was exhausted, hadn’t slept in two days and needed a shower, yet he was late already. His cover was still solid and the other men had believed him, that he was heading to England for some trial about his behaviour. Yet he still had that feeling, that something was not right with this. Things had been too easy for him. They had accepted him too quickly and he was doing most of the dirty work now. Still he was doing what his superiors told him. He had moved out of Jasper’s a while ago and was now in a small apartment near the gym. He had some time left before he could catch the next tube, so he quickly took a shower, changed into a fresh uniform before he packed a few things and hurried to the airport. Just in time he cached his plane to London and it was past midnight when he arrived at the small room he still officially occupied. His head hit the pillow and he was asleep. Early the next morning his alarm pulled him out of a weird dream. With a look at his watch, he realised that it had only been a few hours since he had arrived here and fell asleep. 

“Bloody hell”, Strike grumbled, got up and headed to Hardy to hand in his report. 

“You look like shit”, his friend greeted him when he entered his office an hour later.

“Thanks.”

“How’s this case going?”

For the next two hours they talked about this and about their strategy for how to go on further. After he had the day off and had to come back tomorrow evening for another talk with their superiors and to fix his cover for Berlin again.

“Get some rest  Oggy . You need to be fit for tomorrow’s meeting. This will be a whole  shitstorm coming our way.”

“Alright. Thanks Hardy.”

Strike headed outside and lit up another cigarette. He was tired and had a slight headache, yet he knew he had to see her. Tell her that he was back. It was cold and had started to rain again. It was late November and it soon would be Christmas. The thought somehow made him excited. Maybe he could organise to see her then. He smiled while stepping inside the overheated train that would get him to Oxford and to Robin. 

It was cold and started snowing when Robin left the building and headed over the lawn to get to the library. It was cold and slippery and the other girls were heading to the cafeteria instead to grab some food. Robin wasn’t hungry, she was deep in her thoughts what books she needed for the holidays to study when she stopped dead in tracks. There he was, wrapped in his grey coat and the uniform. He wore a beard and his hair longer than usual. There were dark circles under his eyes and some bruises on his face. Why was he here? What had happened?

“Hi Robin”, he said softly and smiled a bit, yet scrutinized her and her reaction carefully.

She stayed silent and just looked at him. Robin was happy to see him yet sad and insecure. She hadn’t talked to him since his text three months ago. He had lied to  her, Robin was sure of it. He wasn’t the man he had told her. The man she had missed. Without saying another word, she turned away and left him. She couldn’t deal with this right now.

“Robin?”, he asked and followed her.

“Leave me alone”, she mumbled while entering the library a few minutes later. 

He still followed her and they received some interested looks while she headed to the shelves, she needed books from. It was late so there weren’t a lot of students present while he followed her.

“Robin, please. What’s wrong?”, he asked and stood by her side while she looked for the books. “I know I haven’t called regularly but I wanted to keep you safe. This case, they started to look into my life. I needed to know that you’re safe”, he told her while she tried to ignore his words. 

He took her hand and she startled and looked him into his blue eyes. He could see that she was hurt. What the fuck was going on, Strike asked himself.

“Please, tell me what’s wrong”, he demanded softly and didn’t let go of her hand.

“You lied to me”, the young woman mumbled and some tears streamed down her reddened cheeks. 

“I lied? What do you mean?”

“You’re not the guy you told me you were.”

“I don’t understand a word Robin. But believe me, I never lied to you. I never would. Not to you.” Somehow, she believed him and his words calmed her down. “Will you explain to me what you mean? What changed while I was away?”

Robin nodded, grabbed her books and they left. This time the young woman didn’t shove him away. She accepted him by her side while they left the building and headed to the small flat, she occupied. They slipped out of their shoes and coats and he followed her down the small corridor to the living room area. 

“Robin? Will you talk to me?”, he asked carefully and without another word she handed him a file.

Still having no idea what was going on, he opened it and found a full copy of his faked army record. Where did she get those?

“How did you get those?” She stayed silent and suddenly looked shyly at him. “Robin, where did you get the file? These are confidential.”

“I... Matthew gave them to me, shortly after you left for the job in Berlin. He wanted to show me that you’re not a good man and you aren’t, are you?”

“This is not what it looks like. But we’ve a bigger problem here”, he mumbled and pulled out his phone to call Hardy.

“ Oggy , what is it?”, the other man asked when he picked up after the first ring.

“We have a leak Hardy. Someone gave my actual files to Robin.”

“Robin?”

“A friend”, he quickly explained. “But that was when I started the job in Germany.”

“Fuck!”, Hardy cursed and he could hear the other man getting up. “I’ll look into it and check on the situation in Berlin. I’ll call you back.”

“Thanks mate.”

Strike hung up and looked to Robin who’s look had went from shy to confused and back. Strike stepped to her and took her hand.

“It’s fine. I’ll tell you about this later but first I  gotta solve this. That someone could get my file means we have a serious problem. A leak in the department probably.”

“But what does this mean? You still lied. All that’s in there... It’s not the man you are saying you are. Who are you really  Cormoran ?”

This was definitely not the time but while waiting for Hardy’s call he also could tell her what she needed to know. He took her hand and guided her to the sofa where he sat beside her.

“This job in Germany”, he started slowly and thought of how to tell her. “It required a good cover and the official change in my file. Well a faked file for everyone to find in the Army if he wanted to. It’s still a mystery of how Matthew got it since only the people in this case knew about it. Anyway... I needed a good cover so they’d trust me. Drugs, boxing fights, all the stuff they searched for in a man for the job. I gained their trust over the last months and now I’m trying to get to the big boss and destroy their network from the inside.”

“So this file is faked?”

“Yes...”

“Why should I believe you?”, Robin asked carefully, still not fully convinced. “But this file is official. You could, by all I know, be a junkie and attend illegal boxing fights and sell drugs and stuff. I don’t even know you.”

“You’re right, you don’t. But please Robin. I always told you the truth. I’m not the man from this file. I’m just for the job. This is my cover”, he once more said. “Please believe me.”

She could see the honesty in his eyes, the concern and hurt in his face. The tiredness, the bruises, the look he shot her... He truly meant something to her, she realised now. Robin let her fingers softly slide over his cheek and to his beard.

“I believe you”, she mumbled and he smiled. “I... Can you show me the original files sometime?”

“Sure can”, he said and smiled again. 

His phone interrupted him and pulled him out of his thoughts. It was Hardy. While he phoned with his friend about the situation, Robin made them a cup of tea. 

“Everything alright?”, she asked after he had hung up again.

“Yes, nothing to worry. Apparently, Matthew got the file from a friend, whose dad is a lawyer and had some connections. My cover though, is still intact and the case not compromised in any way.”

“That’s good then.”

He nodded and sipped from the tea she had handed him. 

“I’m truly sorry  Cormoran . I should have texted and should have believed you.”

“It’s fine. You were busy as well and had no idea what to believe. I won’t hold it against you.”

She took his hand once more while sitting beside him. Nothing more, just sitting here, holding his hand and it made him nuts to be honest. He had thought that everything would be different when he got home again. That she would be happy to see him and all would be fine and normal between them. It made him furious that Matthew had made her believe otherwise and was responsible for her doubt. He would kick his arse for that.

“So are we good?”, he asked carefully and she nodded and smiled softly at him.

There was still some tension between them but  Cormoran knew that it was not because of the whole talk about who he was, but because of his lust and her staying silent. He wanted to kiss her, to touch her, to make her his again and yet the soldier hesitated. This was not the time. Not after all that had happened in the last two hours. Not after her doubts and the long absence of his. They needed time. 

“You look tired”, she then said and looked concerned at him. “You should get some rest.”

“You’re not the first one to say this today”, he laughed and Robin smiled. “Alright, I will!”, he said at her look and stepped to the hook by the door where he had hung up his coat. 

“What are you doing?”, she said irritated now. 

“Leaving you alone so you can study and go back to  uni and I’ll get back and some rest.”

“That wasn’t.... I mean, you can stay here if you like. I’ve free for today and we could have dinner later.”

He scrutinized her and smiled. Robin waited for his decision but could see, that he would stay when he smiled softly.

“Alright”,  Cormoran agreed. “Dinner tonight. But please, I don’t want to keep you from studying.”

“You don’t. Just make yourself at home”, she said and gestured to the bed.

Cormoran made himself comfortable on the sofa and watched Robin while she sat over some books and notes from today’s lecture. After a while he fell asleep and Robin smiled when she realised it. He was softly snoring and mumbling some words she didn’t understand. Craving for his touch and his closeness, she took some notes she had to study and sat beside him, leaning against his lean and muscular body. He was warm and smelled of soap and cigarettes. Her thoughts started to drift and the urge to kiss and touch him got more and more. Yet waking him up wasn’t an option since he needed some rest. Shoving away her need for him, she stood up, left him a note in case he woke up and left to the nearby grocery store.


	9. Chapter 9

It started raining as soon as she got home.  Cormoran was still asleep on the sofa and she smiled. This was so domestic and normal and she wished that they could have something like this regularly. Him being here with her instead in some other country, on a dangerous case. The thought of him being in danger made her mad with worry. Why was she even thinking about all this? What was this even between her and Strike?  Yes the sex between them was brilliant and she missed him but was this a serious relationship for him? They had agreed to try but what if he had another woman that he visited when he was somewhere on the road? Jealousy took over and Robin shoved the thoughts away once more, distracting herself with preparing dinner. 

Cormorant woke up to a delicious smell and Robin cocking. He smiled, got up and stepped to her. His strong arms wrapped them around her waist, he pulled her closer and kissed her neck softly. 

“Something does smell good”, he mumbled and looked what she had prepared.

“It’s a quick chicken curry.”

“Looking forward to it”, he mumbled and trailed some kisses down her neck. 

“Will you let me cook?”, she shouted at him playfully when his hands wandered over her hips down to her arse and under her shirt. 

“Food... Hm... Overrated.”

Robin laughed, yet he felt, that something was bothering her. She wasn’t as carefree as when he had left three months ago. He stopped and just held her.

“Promise me, you’ll talk to me if there’s something wrong, okay?”, he said softly and held her tight.

Robin nodded but stayed silent. She knew she had to talk to him, but she couldn’t. Not yet. 

“I think we can eat”, she said and he let go of her. “Plates are in the cupboard over the sink.”

Strike got them two plates and they silently had dinner. 

“This is very good”, he praised the curry and she smiled softly. “So, how’s university? I hope that everything’s fine there.”

“It’s a bit stressful at the moment. But it’s going well. We have a few more tests this upcoming week but they shouldn’t be a problem.”

“And after that?”

“I’ve some time off and a job.”

“Sounds nice, where?”

“Well... It's at a therapist. But not the usual therapist, he works in a hospital and looks after people who were traumatized due to their accident.”

“I’m sure it’ll be interesting”, he confessed.

He thought that she would tell him more, but Robin stayed silent and they finished dinner in silence. They cleaned the dishes and Strike excused himself to head out to smoke. Meanwhile Robin thought about what was going on here. She wanted him, she missed him, yet something was wrong between them. They had so much that they haven’t talked about and Robin knew that it was time to get rid of these things. She needed to fix this since Robin was sure, she didn’t want to lose him. When he returned, she had opened a bottle of white wine and made herself comfortable on the sofa. She looked beautiful, yet nervous. Strike sat beside her and took her hand.

“I’m sorry”, she mumbled and blushed. “I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did. I know I shouldn’t have trusted him with the file and what he said about you. I... I miss you when you’re not here and I’m still not sure what this is between us. Is it serious and permanent or just a fling after all?”

“I knew there was something bothering you”, he said and smiled softly. “I know this is hard. I mean that I’m away all the time and on the road. That we never see each other. But I miss you as well when I’m away and I really want this to be something permanent. This is important to me”, he confessed. “Let’s try it together.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes.”

Robin smiled and was happy that things between them finally were official. She leaned closer and softly pressed her lips to his.  Cormoran smiled into the kiss and stroke her cheek softly while he kissed her back and pulled her closer. They kissed and kissed and he didn’t want to let her go. Her hands wandered over the buttons on his uniform and she started to unbutton them. He pulled her on his lap and rested his hands on her hips. Robin moved on his lap and a moan escaped him. She smiled and kissed him urgently. She wanted him. It’s been too long when she felt his hands on her skin, his body on hers and his kisses.  Cormoran knew what she wanted and he wanted it too. Yet he knew that it was important to take his time with this. He still didn’t want to rush things. Robin kissed him urgently and quickly parted, to get rid of her pullover. Shamelessly he looked at her. 

“You’re so beautiful.”

She blushed and kissed him again. 

“How long will you stay?”, she then stopped and asked him. 

“I don’t know. A few days maximum”, he confessed and looked at her. 

“I’ve some time off until next year. Will you stay with me for a while?”

“As long as I’m here and don’t have any appointments, I will.”

“You promise?”

He nodded and kissed her softly. She rested her forehead against his and waited for a moment. 

“Sleep with me”, she demanded and kissed him again. 

Strike held her and stood up, stepping to the bed while they continued kissing. Carefully he let her down and was over her. Robin was excited and needy and yet she waited for him to do the next step. He kissed her and started touching her before his strong hands started to fully unclothe her until she lay in the soft sheets only in her underwear.

“ Cormoran ...”, she moaned when he shoved his hand down her panties and touched her.

He laughed softly and kissed her again. He continued when his phone beeped and interrupted them. She saw him startle and felt him stop and get up.

“ Cormoran no...”, she begged but he was already up and got the call.

“Strike”, he mumbled. 

Frustrated Robin sank into the cushions and covered herself with the sheets since she was cold. His eyes followed her actions and she watched him interested. His look was concerned and serious and Robin knew it was over with their time alone. He finished the call and swore.

“Robin I’m sorry”, he said and looked at her. “My superior called. He needs me back in the station asap. It’s because of the case.”

“I understand”, she mumbled, wrapped herself in the sheet and stepped to him. “I’m not happy though. You, leave me hanging like this.”

He laughed and kissed her quickly. He was hard and felt uncomfortable yet Hardy needed him. 

“I feel you love. I don’t want to go but it’s my duty.”

“I know”, she said and kissed him again. “Come back soon.”

“I’m trying.”

She kissed him again and he pulled her closer, loosing himself in her again when his phone interrupted them once more. He moaned angrily, but held her tight this time when answering.

“Hardy?” She giggled and he kissed her to keep her silent. “Yeah... Alright.” She kissed him again and pulled her closer. “Yes, I am. How did you know?” He smiled. “Thanks mate.”

Cormoran once more hung up and kissed her before shoving her to the bed again.

“I thought you had to go?”

“Change of plans”, he mumbled and got rid of the sheet. “He heard you on the phone and said it wasn’t that important. We’ll talk about it tomorrow.”

“That’s good then. So now I can have you all to myself”, Robin joked.

“You can.”

This time it was Robin’s turn to get him on the bed, kiss him and make love to him.

Early the next morning he woke up naked in her bed, Robin in his arms. It was what he had wanted for the last months on a daily basis. Hold her and wake up beside her. It was 5.45am and still dark outside yet he had to get going soon since he had an appointment with Hardy around 8am and an official hearing at 10am. He knew that she needed some rest. They haven’t had much sleep at all during the night, yet he wanted her and needed her before he would leave. He woke her with soft kisses and touches. 

“Wake up love”, his rough voice mumbled at her ear and his breath tickled her. 

Robin rolled over and buried her face at his shoulder.

“What time is it?”

“It’s way too early.”

“Then why are you awake?”

Tiredly she pulled the covers over her head and he laughed. 

“I got to go soon and I want you.”

He pulled her closer and she could feel his erection pressing against the small of her back. Strike pulled the covers away and started to kiss her neck and down to her breasts. Even though Robin was tired, she soon was a mourning mess under his expertly hands. She grabbed his hands and rolled over, sitting on him. He moaned when she moved her hips. 

“Oh god... Robin I....”

The young woman on his lap laughed and continued teasing him. She looked beautiful. Her strawberry-blonde hair was falling over her breasts, her cheeks reddened, her face glowing. Strike was painfully hard again and he couldn’t keep a clear head. He turned around again and looked for a condom when he realised he didn’t have any left. Shit!

“Robin... wait”, he held her hands that wandered to his erection. “Stop. I... I’m out of condoms”, he confessed.

“That’s not a problem...”, she said and continued kissing him.

“It is... Please... We can’t...”

“Shut up”, she said and rolled on him again while she rummaged around in the drawer of the bedside table and pulled a new package out.

He laughed when he saw it and they continued and made sweet love once more. Strike was over her, buried inside her and moved gently. She had closed her eyes and was letting herself go. 

“Robin...”, he mumbled. “Baby, look at me.”

She obeyed and he looked into her beautiful blue eyes while he once more moved softly. She moaned and buried her nails in his arms. He could feel her tremble so he slowed down.

“ Cormoran .... please...”

He kissed her and moved again. Her hands came up and she let one slide over his cheek before she kissed him. This was special and both felt it.

“I should get up and going”, he mumbled and kissed her shoulder while he held her tight.

“I don’t want you to go.”

“I know love.”

Both of them were sweaty and exhausted and too comfortable to go up. Yet he knew he had to. He let her doze and got up to take a shower. When he entered the bathroom, he smiled when he realised that Robin had put out a towel and a toothbrush for him. He quickly showered and got dressed. When he returned, Robin was still in bed. He would let her sleep so he quickly scribbled a note and put it on the pillow beside her before he left the apartment early in the morning and headed to the train.

In time, he arrived for his meeting with Hardy.

“Someone looks happy”, his friend said when he stepped inside and sat down. 

“What was it you wanted to talk to me about?”

“It’s Jasper”, Hardy started. “He’s been shot.”

“What? When? What happened?”

“It was yesterday morning, shortly after you arrived here. They found his corpse in the local river. According to forensics, he was tortured and killed with a shot to the head, his corpse was mutilated and burned before he was thrown into the river.”

“That’s horrible. Why would they do this? I mean my cover is solid. Why do this to him?”

“I’ve no clue”, Hardy confessed was pretty sure that it had to do with his case though.

“Bloody hell.... What do we do now?”

“We’ll continue for a few more weeks and if we don’t find anything, we’ll stop the investigations.” 

“That’ stupid. It’s known what they do, we just need proof.”

“And that’s the problem. You’ve been doing jobs for them, but we still don’t have the people who are responsible for all of it. There’s no lead!”

“Alright. I’ll get the proof”, Strike said. “What about the hearing?”

For the next hours they’ll talked about the hearing and how they’d convince their superiors to go on with this case. That he could get the proof they needed. And they managed during the hearing to convince them. Strike was supposed to go back to Germany as soon as they were finished with the hearing. Strike knew that Robin would kick his butt for this but he once more obeyed. Hardy and Strike headed back to the office and planned his return.

“I got to go and do something before I’ll head back tomorrow.”

“It’s Robin, isn’t it?”, Hardy asked and Strike nodded. “Tell me about her.”

“You really want to know?”  Hardacre nodded. “I guess I love her Hardy. She’s intelligent, beautiful, patient. She studies psychology in Oxford.”

“Since when do you know her?”

“I met her when I returned from Columbia.”

“And you’re completely sure that you love her?”

“I am.”

“You need my car?”, Hardy offered and smiled, truly happy for his friend.

“If you don’t mind.”

“I don’t”, Hardy said and handed him the keys. “Don’t forget your flight back tomorrow morning.”

“I won’t. Thanks mate.”

Enthusiastic Strike left the office, headed downstairs and to the car park to get Hardy’s car. Like before he drove to Oxford and looked at the University for her. He remembered that she had told him about the lecture of one professor she had been quite excited today and if his memory did serve him well, it was at the moment. He headed to a small information point and asked an elderly woman about the lecture Robin had told him about. Willingly, even though she looked quite curious at the soldier, she told him the room and he headed to it. He didn’t want to interrupt her so he silently headed into the atrium and looked for Robin. She sat in the back with some of the girls he had seen before, taking some notes. To not disturb, he took a seat by the door and watched her instead. He had always wondered what she was like during classes. About forty minutes later it ended and they all got up and left. The students passing Strike curiously and confused looked at him. When Robin and the other girls approached, he just smiled and waited. She was deep in conversation with a friend of hers. 

“Robin!”, the girl who first saw him said excited and grabbed the other woman’s arm.

“Hello ladies”, Strike greeted, smiled and stood up.

A bit confused herself Robin looked at him and then smiled and looked asking at him. 

“What are you doing here, soldier boy?”, a dark-haired Afro-American woman asked.

She was tall and pretty beautiful, yet something was wrong about her and he didn’t react to her flirting look she shoot him.

“I’m here to see Robin, so if you’ll excuse us for a second”,  Cormoran said and the other girls left and Robin was finally alone with him. “Hi baby”, he mumbled and softly pulled her towards him to kiss her.

“Hi”, she mumbled by his lips and kissed him again. 

Even though there were only a few hours between the last time they had seen each other, she now craved for his touch and kisses.

“I’m sorry I just showed up here. I wanted to talk to you about work.”

“You have to leave?”, she asked and Strike could see the sadness in her eyes.

“I do. My flight isn’t due tomorrow morning so I’ve still some time. But that’s not fully it. There’s more I’ve to talk to you about. Do you’ve any time?”

“I’ve an important lecture in ten minutes but then I’m free.”

“Sure. I’ll wait for you then.”

“Why won’t you come?” , Robin offered and smiled softly.

“I’m not sure this is a good idea. People are already talking.”

“People do little else. Please come.”

“Alright”,  Cormoran gave in after a few more kisses and they left outside to go to the next lecture. 

Her friends had waited for her outside and where surprised to learn that  Cormoran would join them. Robin quickly introduced him to her friends and then they made their way to another building. Like before the girls and Robin looked for a quiet place in the back but this time  Cormoran sat beside her.

“Are you sure this is fine?”, he once more asked when he realised the looks the other students shoot them. 

“Don’t worry this much”, she mumbled and took his hand in hers.

Cormoran smiled and a minute later the lecture started. Like before she listened carefully and took some notes but this time, she didn’t let go of his hand. It was a comforting feeling and Strike knew that it would break her heart when he left again. But this time it was final. He was sure that he would solve this case in time and get home soon. 


	10. Chapter 10

Two hours later – he had wished for it to end sooner though – they left the building again. It was heavily raining now and already evening. While Robin had to discuss something with her friends, he headed outside and smoked. He was nervous. He stood at a dry corner under the small roof and patiently waited for her to return. A few minutes later she did.

“You should quit you know”, she said unexpectedly while buttoning her coat. “It’s not very healthy and I don’t like kissing you after”, she confessed.

Stunned about it, he looked at her for a moment.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”, he said and finished his fag and tossed it in a nearby ashtray.

“Well I wasn’t sure you’d quit for me.”

“If you don’t like it, I’ll do.” 

She smiled and took his hand.

“So what was it you wanted to tell me?”

“Can we go somewhere quiet? I don’t really want to discuss this in public.”

Robin nodded and they headed to her place. She made them a cup of tea while he thought about how to ask her. Robin could feel that he was nervous and she couldn’t understand why. He usually was very calm. About everything. She handed him the cup and waited patiently for him to say what he wanted to say.

“I told you I got to get back for the case”,  Cormoran then started. “I don’t know what will happen but I hope I can get back here soon. It’s not looking good though. We don’t have any evidence or leads to the people who are behind all this.”

Robin was surprised that he told her all this, he was usually very private about things that had to do with his work. She sipped from his tea and stayed silent, hoping that she would learn more about his job and what he was doing in Germany.

“I don’t know how it will end as well. It can end badly. One of my colleagues already got murdered because of it”,  Cormoran continued.

Shocked, Robin looked at him and he could see it. He took her hands in his and kissed them. 

“I told you I’ll be careful, so don’t worry about this. Nothing’s  gonna happen to me.” Robin wasn’t convinced but she stayed silent and let him talk while he held her hand in his. “But if this is all over, when I’m back... Do you want me to stay?”

“What do you mean?”, she asked not sure what he expected her to say.

“Do you want me to stay close? Not go on a mission for a while?”

His eyes looked scrutinizing at her. Robin didn’t understand fully what he meant. Would he quit his job for her? Would he take a break? Would he ask to be transferred to somewhere quiet? 

“What does that mean?”, the young woman then wanted to know.

“I can ask my superiors to get a desk job for a while. It would do us both good”, he explained.

“I.... I’d love to have you closer and you know that. But is this the right thing for you,  Cormoran ? I know you love what you do and they need you. I don’t want you to keep you from your duty. I’d never ask that from you.”

Oh gosh, he loved that woman, he thought and kissed her, smiling softly and happy.

“I do love you for it”, he said. “So you don’t want me to.”

“Not if you don’t want to.”

“Alright”, he mumbled and kissed her again. “Thank you.”

“But promise me one thing”, she said and shoved him a bit away since he had hugged her tightly and started kissing her again.

“What?”, he wanted to know quite serious and looked at the woman in his arms. 

“Be careful. I don’t want to lose you.”

“I promise”, Strike said and then kissed her again but she once more shoved him away and he laughed. “What is it Robin?”

“I want to ask you something and I want you to answer me honestly.”

“Alright.”

His look was curious and yet careful. What was her plan? She took his hand and guided Strike to the bed. Softly Robin shoved him down to sit and then started unbuttoning his uniform. Softly she shoved his hands away and he obeyed. 

“Let me”, Robin said calmly and serious.

Strike still asked himself what she had in mind but let her. He could feel that this was important to her. Softly she pulled the t-shirt over his head and tossed it aside. Her hands wandered over his naked chest and she softly let her fingers slide over the various small scars he had. She stopped at the one he had received during his latest job in Scotland.

“This is the one where the bandage was when you returned from Scotland?”, she asked since he had told her only that he had been on a job in the Highlands.

“Yes”,  Cormoran answered honestly.

“How?”

“We were trying to get on the lead of some smugglers. Weapons, people, nearly everything. My men and I were quite close but it was a trap. There was an explosion and some shooting. Some bullets hit me.” He took her hand and rested it on another scar by his arm and one by his stomach. “Here and here are others from that day”, he mumbled.

Her face was unreadable. He had no idea what she thought and it made him nervous. Yet he wanted to be honest to her. Robin continued her journey over his chest. Firm muscles where the result and some black soft curls. She stopped at another scar on his right side by his hip. Robin let her finger slide over it. 

“And this?”, she said in a thick teary voice.

“Robin, I....”

“Please tell me”, she said and looked into his eyes with tears in her own. 

“I was undercover in Columbia. We were looking into a case of the US Army. One of the locals stabbed me. I can’t tell you more though. It’s still highly confidential.”

“You were in Columbia?”

“Yes. I got home a day before we first met.”

She stayed silent, staying in front of  Cormoran , looking down at the scars. He took her hand and tilted up her chin that she had to look at him.

“Don’t think too much about it. I’m good and I’ll be fine.”

“But all this...”, she said and now started to cry. “I am worried and these scars are proof that you’re not safe.”

“It’s my job Robin. I do my duty and these things don’t happen that often.”

She couldn’t believe him. She was too afraid that this case would end badly. She started crying and he wiped them away with his thumb while he caressed her cheek. 

“Please don’t cry. All is good Robin.”

“I’m sorry...”, Robin mumbled and he pulled her into a soft embrace.

She sat on his lap and cried at his shoulder while the soldier soothed her and held her. He was worried that talking to her about this case had been the wrong decision. He should have been silent about it,  Cormoran thought. 

“Let’s get some rest”, he mumbled and kissed her temple. “I  gotta get up early tomorrow and it’s late.”

“Are you leaving tomorrow already?”, she asked and sniffed while wiping her tears away with the hem of her shirt.

“I have to. My flight will be in the morning and we want to solve this as soon as possible.”

“Okay”, she mumbled while he still held her. “Will you wake me before you go? I don’t want you to just leave.”

“I will”, he promised.

He didn’t want to ruin the moment but it made him nuts while she sat on his lap like this. She felt comfortable in his arms and yet she felt the slight change and smiled.

“I’m sorry”, he said when he realised that she felt his situation.

“Don’t be”, Robin said and laughed a bit this time. 

She wanted to get up, but  Cormoran didn’t let her and then kissed her softly.

“Don’t be this worried Robin. I’m fine and I’ve my colleagues to look after me. Please stay focused on  uni and your work.” She nodded and kissed him once more. “Promise me?”

“I promise. Now... What do we do about this then?”, she asked and rolled her hips.

He moaned and they once more lost themselves in each other.

His thoughts stayed with Robin until he was back in Berlin. The moment he stepped out of the plane, Fields was by his side. 

“Mate, how was the trial?”

“Fucked up”,  Cormoran lied. “ Gotta stay here and if I break the rules again, I’ve to serve a prison sentence.”

“Well it’s good that you have to stay here”, John said. “We’ve a job for you. Something big.”

“Alright.”

“And the boss wants to meet you. Come on, they are waiting.”

Strike followed John to the car and they drove off to another part of the city and parked in front of a huge and expensive looking villa.  Cormoran knew that something was wrong so he stayed alert. They headed inside and he was led into a huge living room area. 

“Please sit down and have a drink”, Fields said and a young woman handed him a glass of Whiskey.

Cormoran sat in one of the armchairs and waited patiently. A few minutes later a man arrived. The one man that had waited for him in Jasper’s flat that day. So he was the big boss? 

“Welcome Mr Strike!”, he said cheerfully and they shook hands. “Nice to see you again. I’m Mr Walsh and I’m responsible for all this.”

“Nice to finally have a name to the face”, Strike said and put his Whiskey on the table beside the chair. “Why did you want to see me?”

“We’ve a big and important job for you.”

“What is it?”

The man sat opposite him, dressed in an expensive grey suit, legs crossed and sipping on a glass of Scotch the young woman had got him. He was older, around 45 years, dark hair with already greying temples. He looked all business like and yet he knew there was more to it.

“We want you to kill this man.”

One of the bodyguards that stood nearby, handed Strike an envelope with a picture of one of his superiors.

“Why?”, he asked.

“Don’t ask questions. We want it done.”

“What if I won’t do it?”, Strike asked carefully, fully knowing that it was risky to ask questions.

“If you don’t do it, well...”

We waved at another bodyguard who handed him another envelope. Strike scrutinized Mr Walsh who smiled wickedly at him. He opened the envelope and saw a picture of Robin, books in her hands, heading into the university building. There was a second picture of him kissing her.

“I guess you know her?”, Walsh said with a tone of satisfaction. “So I also guess you’ll also know that your cover is blown and she’ll die if you don’t follow our orders.”

The bodyguard nearby pointed a gun at him and Strike knew that he had lost. What had gone wrong? How had they found out? He had been so careful.

“ So you will kill him and after that your career will be over and they’ll charge you for it. We assure you that all evidence about our little project here will lead to you. You’ll lose your job or the woman you apparently shag. So what will it be Strike? Obey or disobey?”

“I’ll do it”, Strike said defeated and knew he had no other chance.

“Fantastic!”, the older man said and jumped up, clapping his hands together and smiling. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve another meeting now. John, can you get him a lift?”

“Sure thing boss”, Fields said to Mr Walsh who was already on his way out, followed by some bodyguards. “Come on Strike!”, he ordered and  Cormoran got up and followed the other man outside and to the car.

His mind started racing and he didn’t listen to what John said on the way to his small flat. The moment they stopped, he got out, grabbed his bag from the backseat and halfway run upstairs. He had to find a way to contact Hardy and keep Robin safe. What a mess! He tossed his bag in a corner of the small room and pulled out his phone. He knew they couldn’t wire it because he had got a new separate one from Hardy before he had left. He quickly texted Robin since calling was too risky in case they had wired the flat.

_ In trouble. Need your help but stay safe, they are watching you. I need you to go to the office in London and ask for  _ _ Hardacre _ _. He can help. Tell him I’ve to assassinate Lieutenant Jake Kent who’s here in Berlin. My cover is blown. Tell him to get the man to safety. Be careful. Cx _

He truly hoped that she could help even though it was risky. He had to try it.

Robin had just finished another lecture and would meet up with her friends for lunch in a bit when her phone beeped. A text from  Cormoran . Excited she opened it and immediately stopped dead in her tracks when she read what he had written. Oh my god! One of her friends just arrived and asked her something cheerfully but Robin just ignored her.

“Robin? Are you alright? You look quite pale.”

“I.... I  gotta go. Sorry!”, she shouted when she was heading off already.

She hurried to the train station and took the next train to London and arrived about two hours later at the office where she had met him again all these weeks ago. The soldier by the door curiously looked at her when she hurried to him.

“Miss”, he blocked her way through the door. “ID please.”

She quickly looked for her ID in her bag and handed it to him. Her hair was a mess, her coat open, her cheeks reddened and her clothes rumpled. Her look was wild and the soldier looked suspiciously at her. 

“What business do you have to attend here?”

“I’m looking for Mr  Hardacre . It’s important.”

“And why, Miss?”

“I... I’ve an important message for him. Please, let me in!”, she said now a bit impatient. “It’s important and a matter of life or death.”

“Do you’ve an appointment with Lieutenant  Hardacre ?”

“No, I do not. I just have to see him please!”

Another soldier stepped closer. 

“Aren’t you Strike’s girl?”, he asked and looked at her. 

“I am, yes”, she said. 

“Well he’s not here”, the second soldier said. 

“I know. He’s in Germany on a mission. Please, it’s important that I see  Hardacre . Strike told me to”, she said and hoped that the other soldier would help her.

“But that’s odd. He would call if there was something up.”

“Please. I need to see him!”

The two soldiers looked at each other and the second one nodded. 

“Come on. I get you to him.”

“Thanks”, Robin mumbled and followed the man inside.

He guided her through the hallway and up to a small office at the end of a corridor.

“Wait here”, he ordered and Robin obeyed while he knocked and entered after a voice had shouted an answer to come in. He vanished into the office while Robin waited impatiently. A minute later the young soldier returned and smiled.

“Get in. He’s waiting for you.”

“Thank you so much!”, she said and hurried inside.

There sat a man by a desk who was about  5-foot-8-inches tall, light brown hair, muscular and as she realised a wedding ring on his finger. 

“He said it was about Strike?”, the man asked and looked at her. 

“Yes... You’re  Hardacre ?”, she asked and the man nodded and shook her hand after standing up. “He texted me that he’s in trouble. Here...”

She handed the man her phone and Hardy looked suspiciously at the young woman. As shocked about the text as Robin had been, he looked at the message.

“But he would have called...”,  Hardacre started but the stopped. “No... His cover is blown.”

“What can we do?”, Robin asked. 

“You have done enough. You’re Robin, aren’t you?”

“Yes... How do you know me?”

“That’s not important at the moment. I need you to be safe and get this sorted. You helped immensely with getting to me and inform us”, Hardy said, got up and stepped to her. “I need to get him out of there and safe the man’s life. You need to stay safe. Stay here. My men will see that you’ll get what you need.”   
Hardacre was halfway out of the door when she shouted his name.

“Lieutenant  Hardacre !” He turned and looked at her. “Please keep me updated about him.”

“I will....”, the man said but then vanished. 

Exhausted and overwhelmed Robin sank onto the small sofa in his office and started crying. She has had a bad feeling with all this, him getting to Germany on his own again and now this! But she had done what he had wanted her to. She had informed his superior and now she just could wait. She dried her tears and waited. About half an hour later  Hardacre returned. Robin jumped up.

“We informed the colleagues I can trust in Berlin. I’ll fly over and we’ll get this done tonight. You’ll stay here. If something happens or if you need anything, the man who got you hear,  Seargeant Palmer, will be here for you.”

“Thank you”, Robin said and smiled at him.

“I  gotta go”,  Hardacre said and hurried outside again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys! This was a bigger chapter for you and I hope you liked it and the plot obviously. :)   
> Since y'all kept reading and commenting - thank you so much for all the lovely comments, ly <3 - I wanted to post some shameless self-promo here ^^ If you want to chat or have any suggestions or sth you can DM me here or directly on Twitter. My user is @_fandomtrash_ Just feel free to pop by or if you want, follow my thread's about my writing there. Until then :)   
> Love, Y.


	11. Chapter 11

Cormoran stayed in his small apartment and organised everything for the job. He knew if Hardy would fail, this was it. But he tried not to think about it and was sure that Robin had helped and that Hardacre would do something. It was late and he would do it in the morning. There would be an official meeting between  Lieutenant Jake Kent and some other superiors. He had planned everything and Fields hat organised him a gun that was not traceable.  Cormoran was nervous and he couldn’t sleep. He had brought himself a bottle of Whiskey and a new pack of cigarettes and now sat by the window and had a drink and a cigarette. He knew he had promised Robin to quit, but he craved for a fag right now. How had this case become such a mess? He and Jasper had been careful. Had trusted no one. Fuck! Where was the leak? Strike tried to find what had gone wrong the whole night. It was early in the morning when the doorbell rang and Fields was there.

“Jeez you look like shit”, he said when he saw Strike who was pretty drunk, sleepy, ruffled hair and rumbled clothes. “Will you get the job done?”

“I will. Let’s go.”

Strike slipped into his leather jacket, tucked the gun into the waistband of his jeans and they left. They headed through the city and Strike felt watched, not only by John. Were Hardy and his men here? Strike tried to concentrate on the job at hand and shoved the thought away instead. It would be way  too risky if they’d show up before the actual assassination. 

“I’ll be waiting for you over there”, John said when they arrived in front of the office where their superiors would arrive soon and gestured to the park opposite. 

Strike nodded and stepped by the building to watch the street and the arrival of Kent and the other men. He knew there were a few cameras and yet he hid pretty well. A look at his watch told him that they’d be here soon. He got the gun out and put a silencer on it. This was it. Would his plan work? Anxiety spread in his whole body and yet he was calm. He truly hoped so. His hands were steady, his breathing calm. The car arrived a minute later. Strike took a deep breath and the moment Lieutenant Kent got out of the car, he moved. Quick, unobtrusive. Kent saw him and looked confused in his direction, but before he could react, Strike had drawn the gun and fired two shots. Kent broke down and he quickly left but there were too many soldiers who grabbed him and he soon was on the ground.  Cormoran didn’t resist. He could see Fields leave quite quickly and he knew that all was over. His plan hadn’t worked. They cuffed him and got him into the building and into a cell while he could hear the sirens of an ambulance. A few moments later he was alone again. Fuck! Angry and tired he slumped down the wall and waited. Time crawled on and seconds felt like minutes, minutes like hours. He thought of what they’d do to him. About Robin and how disappointed she would be. 

“Looks like a real shithole all this”, he heard a familiar voice and when he looked up, he could see Hardy smiling.

“What are you doing here?”

“Oh I’m here to  uncuff you. Unless you want to stay here.”

“But I just killed a man.”

“Not necessarily. Kent is fine. Your warning arrived in time to organise some things. For example, some fake blood and a vest to keep him safe.”

While Hardy had told him this, he had opened the cell and now his cuffs. His friend helped him up and hugged him.

“I’m so glad you’re well.”

“I’m glad Robin got to you in  time”, Cormoran said. 

“She did. Brave young woman your Robin.”

Strike smiled and they headed upstairs. 

“What about the boss behind all this?”

“We followed you and the other man leaving your flat. A team followed him after he left the scene of crime. There was a  razzia about 15 minutes ago and we got all parties involved.”

“So the case is closed?”

“It is.”

“Thank god”,  Cormoran mumbled. 

He could feel how a bit weight lifted off of him. Breathing was easier again and the anxiety suddenly gone. It had worked!

“We will just stay for some paperwork, then we can go home. You look like shit.”

Strike laughed and they headed upstairs to sort everything out.

Robin woke up when the door to the office opened. She had waited half the night but tiredness had finally taken its tool and she had fallen asleep around midnight. She rubbed her tired eyes, sat up and looked at the door. Hardy had entered and behind him was Strike.

“I hope we didn’t wake you”,  Hardacre said while Strike  shily smiled at her.

He looked tired, his hair ruffled and had dark circles under his eyes. Without thinking she hurried up and hugged him tightly. 

“I'm so glad you’re back!”, Robin mumbled in his arms.

Hardy smiled at his friend and gave them some privacy and left. Strike just held her, inhaling her scent and holding her.

“Thank you so much”, he said. “I have to thank you for getting me out of this mess. You got to Hardy in time."

“It was the least I could do.”

“Still... You saved this case.”

She smiled and then looked at him. He looked exhausted and he smelled of alcohol and cigarettes. He softly pressed a kiss to her lips and then let his hand glide over her cheek.

“You should get some rest”, she said. “You must be tired.”

“I guess I could sleep for  days. Fells like it at least”, he said.

“Let’s go then.” 

He headed outside, holding her hand when they met Hardacre. 

“I’ll be back in the morning for paperwork”, Strike promised his superior.

“We’re done with the paperwork. Take some time off and rest. You deserve it”, Hardy said instead and then looked at Robin. 

“Thanks for helping us with this Miss  Ellacott .” They shook hands and she blushed. “Someone will get you home.”

“Thanks mate”,  Cormoran said and lead her outside where a car was waiting that got them to Oxford and Robin’s place.

Tired they headed upstairs, it was past 5am now, and immediately headed to bed. The moment his head hit the pillow Strike was asleep.

Late the next day when he woke up, Robin was gone. Where was she? Strike got up and found a note by the table. 

_ Grocery shopping. Be back soon. Rx _

He headed to the bathroom and took a shower. He realised there was another fresh towel and a new toothbrush waiting for him and also fresh clothes of his. Where did she get these from? He slipped into some jeans and a pullover before he headed out of the bath and made himself a cup of tea. It was afternoon, he realised and he was still tired somehow. Half an hour later she returned, carrying two heavy bags of groceries. Strike hurried to her and took the bags from Robin.

“Thanks.”

“Why didn’t you wake me? I could have helped.”

“You needed the rest”, she said and quickly kissed him while he followed her into the kitchen area. 

She put the groceries away while he asked her about his clothes.

“How did you get some of my clothes?”

“Oh one of the other soldiers got them here. Also this envelope”, she said and gestured to the table.

He hadn’t realised it was for him. He opened it and quickly read the letter. It was an official letter that he had a few weeks off. Commissioned by Lieutenant Hardacre. Why had Hardy done this? He had to talk to him about this.

“What do you want for dinner?”, she asked. 

“Whatever you want”, he said and smiled. “I have to make a call. Excuse me.”

He called Hardy.

“ Hardacre ?”

“Hi, it’s me. I got your letter and the clothes.”

“Ah great. I hope it’s okay that you got some time off?”

“It is, thanks. But the question is why?”

“It’s more like you have too Oggy. Our superiors think you fucked this case in Berlin up. They think you were somehow involved in the business they lead. That you forgot which side your on. I told them it’s not true but they still said you should take some time off. Use it and get things done with your girl. She’s quite nice and lovely.”

“Alright... Thanks Hardy.”

Strike hung up again and Robin could see the confusion and worry in his eyes.

“Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, fine. Just some things going on in the office. Nothing to worry about. I got a few weeks off actually.”

“But that’s fantastic! Some time off will do you good”, Robin smiled and then started cooking.

Strike watched her silently. It was such a domestic scene and he could watch her all day. 

“Can I help you with anything?”

“No, just relax.” Robin stepped to  Cormoran who was sitting at the small table, handed him a beer and quickly kissed him before she returned to the stove. 

Half an hour later dinner was ready and she had made a fantastic steak with potatoes that she had cooked in the oven and some vegetable and a salad. It smelled fantastic.

“Wow.. This looks delicious”,  Cormoran said when she put a huge plate in front of him. 

They ate in silence but after a while Robin just couldn’t keep it inside anymore and asked him about the case in Berlin.

“What happened in Berlin?”

“Robin, I can’t talk about it.”

“Please. I want to know.”

“Alright”, he sighed and quickly filled her in about what had happened that day he contacted her. “I prepared everything for the assassination and even went through with it. They arrested me but then Hardy was there and got me out because the Lieutenant was still alive. Because they had planned all this in advance due to your warning, all was fine. They also cached the one behind all this dirty  business and after official statements we flew back to London where we immediately headed to the office. That’s it.”

“Why did you agreed to doing it? Killing this man?”, she wondered. 

“I.... I had my reasons”, Strike simply said but she kept watching him.

“What reasons?”

“Please Robin...”

“I want to know. You’re a good person  Cormoran . You would never do anything like this without a reason. And you promised to be honest with me.”

He looked away for a moment and she stayed silent, patiently waiting. He had promised her. 

“I did it for you. To keep you safe.” Her look was asking when he blankly looked at Robin. “They had pictures of you. Of us. They somehow found out and they threatened to kill you if I wouldn’t do it.”

She just looked at him and he couldn’t bear it. He remembered the moment he had thought everything had gone wrong and he would never see her again. Strike stood up and stepped to the window where he looked out into the night and the dark street. He wished he had a cigarette now. Robin stepped to him, took his hand and leaned her head against his shoulder.

“Thank you  Cormoran . For everything.”

He smiled a bit and kissed her softly. 

“Your welcome.”


	12. Chapter 12

_ Half a year later _

Robin woke up beside him and she smiled softly at his light snoring. Everything was good between them. They had shortly moved together and after his time off, he had mostly taken some easy cases. It had been good for them to get things going. They had moved into a bigger flat in Oxford and Robin had just one semester left. Also, today would be the day that she would meet his friends officially and Robin was pretty excited about it. She knew he had come in late and so Robin quietly got up and headed to the bathroom to get dressed before she headed to uni. It was midday and she went to the library to get a book for a work she had to write. But her plans got interrupted by Matthew. 

“Robin!”, he said and stepped closer but she just kept walking. “Robin, please wait!”

“What do you want Matthew?”, she asked and stopped. 

“I want to talk to you about Strike. I heard you’re still together and you moved in with him?”

“I did”, she said. “But it’s none of your business.”   
“I gave you the file. You saw that he’s no good!”, Matthew said forceful.

“He’s a better man than you and he loves me!”, she said quite angry now. 

“But Robin, you can’t just build something on a lie. He’s away most of the time and he kills people for a living. You sure he’s the right one?”

“I told you before. It’s none of your business and it’s my life! Leave me alone Matthew!” 

She hurried away and into the library when his next words stopped her. 

“Your mum and dad don’t agree with your choice! I talked to them. They’ll come over and want to talk soon.”

“How dare you talk to my parents about my choices!”, she shouted angry at him and he stepped closer again. 

“They still are upset that we broke up. You should have seen their faces after I told them who are you dating now. They were disappointed in you. A man like him, please. You deserve better.”

“And you think you are better? Did you told them that you cheated on me? I bet not. You lied to them and you lied to me and now you interfere! Stop it Matthew! I told you before it’s over!”

“Is it? I can still see you looking at me when we meet.”

“You’re completely insane”, she mumbled and left without listening to him shouting after her. 

Jeez these encounters with her ex got more and more over the past months and Robin had no idea why he was this persistent. She shoved the thought away, got her book and headed back to the lectures.

After she left uni, her phone rang. She picked it up without looking who it was and it was – like Matthew had said – her mum.

“Robin”, her soft voice said at the other end. “How are you darling?”

“I’m good mum”, she said while walking home. 

“I guess Matthew talked to you already. He told us what’s currently going on. Are you sure this soldier fella is the right man for you?”

“Mum, please...”, she sighed.

“We’re just worried dear.”

“Mum, there’s no need for this!  Cormoran’s a nice guy. He loves me.”

“But why haven’t you told us about him? Why had Matthew told us and why did you two broke up after all these years? He was such a nice guy”, her mother said.

“He hadn’t told you why, did he?”, Robin said and knew she had been right with her assumption that he had lied to her parents about their break-up.

“What should he tell us? He only said that you were unreasonable and broke up without any reason at all.”

“He lied!”, Robin half shouted now. “He cheated with Sarah  Shadlock and not just one time. That’s why we broke up.”

“He did not!”, her mum  gasped quite shocked at the other end of the phone. 

“Are you  believing him now?”

“No... Robin... But a soldier! He is an addict, a bad influence and way too old!”

“Enough mum! I’m old enough to decide what’s right for me. You don’t even know him, so don’t judge him!”

“Robin please! Be reasonable!”

“No mum, this conversation is over. Goodbye.”

Without another word she hung up and then headed home quite angrily. 

Strike woke up around midday when his phone rang. Tiredly he took the call.

“Strike.”

“Corm!”, he heard Ilsa’s voice. “I’m so excited for tonight! When will you two come over? Is there anything special I need to look after with the  cooking? Allergies or anything?”

“Not that I know. Just keep it simple, will you?”, he asked and he heard  Ilsa giggle and knew it would not happen.

“And when will you be here?”, she once more asked excited.

“When do you want us to come over?”

“Around seven maybe?”

“We’ll be there.”

“I can’t tell you how excited we are!”, she said once more. “I don’t understand why it took you this long to finally introduce us properly.”

“Ah you know how it is”, he lied and she laughed.

Truth was, he didn’t want to share her with everyone. He just had enjoyed their time alone. 

“Alright I’ll see you two tonight then.”

“See you”, he mumbled and hung up again. 

He smiled. His friends, well especially  Ilsa , had urged him for weeks now and he had finally given in. He had a meeting with Hardy in two hours so he had to get up and going. After a quick shower, he dressed into his uniform and left their flat. He had got a car from the army so he would be more flexible so he headed to where he had parked and drove off to London. 

He headed to Hardy’s office and knocked.

“Come on in!”, his friends voice said and he did. “ Oggy , nice to see you.”

“How are things?”

Hardy quickly filled him in some official business and then changed the subject.

“I’ve bad news  Oggy .”

“What is it?”

“They want you back. Back in Afghanistan. We had more KIA’s than usual and we need our best man to investigate. That’s you. We would leave in four days.”

“Alright. I’ll be ready.”

“Thanks mate.”

“Anything else I can do? I finished my report about last night and will do some more research about the case.”

“Alright. I’ll get the details about the mission to you as soon as possible.”

Cormoran nodded and left the office. He headed outside to smoke. How could he explain Robin that he had to leave for an unknown period of time into a war zone? Now that things were good between them? Shit... 

After Robin had calmed a bit down after her mum’s phone call, she got quite excited about tonight. She would finally meet  Cormoran’s friends. She found  Cormoran in their flat, sitting on the small balcony, having a smoke and drink. She stepped to him and kissed him on the cheek.

“Hi”, she mumbled. “Are you okay?”

“Yes”, he lied and pulled her on his lap.

“I thought you quit?”

“I did... But bear with me, it was a rough day.”

“You want to talk about it?”, Robin asked concerned and watched him.

“Not yet. We should get ready anyway.  Ilsa and Nick are waiting for us.”

“I’m quite nervous to be honest”, Robin said. “What if they don’t like me?”

“I’m sure they will.  Ilsa is quite excited as well.”

“But what if not?”

“Robin, don’t worry too much. I’m sure they’ll love you. Now go and get ready.”

She kissed him and headed to their bedroom to change. Robin had no clue what to wear.

“ Cormoran !”, she shouted and a minute later he was there. 

She stood – only in her lingerie - in front of the wardrobe and looked inside. Oh god she was so beautiful, he thought, but shoved his lust away.

“What is it?”

“I don’t know what to wear. I just have boring stuff.”

“Why do you bother so much? You’re beautiful Robin whatever you wear.”

“But I want to make a good impression.”

“You will love. They’ll love you.”

“Why are you so sure?”, she laughed and he hugged her and kissed her neck.

“Because I simply know.”

He let go of her hand changed as well into some casual jeans, a shirt and his leather jacket. Meanwhile Robin had decided on a red wrap dress and some black high heels with a black blazer. She wore her hair curly and a decent make-up. He stepped behind her while she stood in front of the mirror and let her hand slide over her dress to get it straightened.

“See?”, he said and smiled a bit. “Beautiful.”

“Thanks.”

“Now let’s go. It’s nearly 6.45pm and we  gotta be there until seven.”

They arrived in time and  Cormoran rang the doorbell at precisely 7pm. He guided Robin upstairs to the flat of his friends who already waited for them by the door. 

“So nice to see you”,  Ilsa said excited and smiled at him the moment she saw Robin by his side. “Please come in!” They did and his friend was all over Robin and hugged her. “You must be Robin. So nice to finally meet you. You look so beautiful my dear.”

“Thank you.”

“I’m  Ilsa and this is Nick”, the woman then introduced them to Robin and Nick hugged her as well.

“Very nice to meet you Robin.”

“Pleasure’s all mine.”

Cormoran hung up his jacket and her blazer before  Ils guided them to the kitchen.  Cormoran could see her nervous look but he smiled reassuringly and Robin tried to relax. While  Ilsa was talking to her and handed her a glass of wine, Nick handed  Cormoran a beer and they silently talked.

“You don’t look too happy  Oggy . What’s wrong?”

“Bad news at work. I got to get back to Afghanistan.”

“Does she know?”

“I haven’t told her yet”, Strike said and sipped from his beer while his look rested on his girlfriend for a moment. “I will leave in four days. Could you two do me a favour though?”

“Sure, whatever you want.”

“Keep an eye on her. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone.” 

“Sure thing mate.”

“And there’s something else.” Nick looked at him. “If I don’t return. Give her this.”   
Cormoran handed him an envelope Nick hurriedly put away and nodded. 

“I will. But you shouldn’t think of something like this. You always made it back so far.”

“Yeah...”,  Cormoran mumbled and took another sip.

“How long do you know him?”, Robin meanwhile asked  Ilsa who was preparing dinner while the men retired to the sofa and silently talked a bit.

“Oh since we were in school. I know Nick due to Corm. He introduced us. I was in class with his sister and we were good friends for ages.”

“He has a sister?”

“Yes. He got some more siblings but she’s the closest family member for him.  Plus his Uncle Ted and his aunt and his younger brother.”

“Oh...”

Robin had no idea. Only now she realised that she knew nothing of his life at all and it made her sad.  Ilsa realised and shut up about all this. If  Oggy hadn’t told her more, it was for a reason and she didn’t want to interfere in that.

“ Oggy told me you study psychology? What semester?”

“4th”, Robin answered. 

“Do you like it?”

“It’s quite interesting yes. I can’t wait when I'm finished though. What do you study? Medicine?  Cormroran mentioned that one of you does study medicine.”

“Oh no! That’s Nick. I’m not really into this. I study the law instead.”

“Interesting as well.”

“Yes. I’ve finished two years ago but I currently do some advanced stuff and write on my Doctor’s thesis.”

“Did  Cormoran study as well?”

“He did, actually here in Oxford. It was...”

“What are you two talking about then?”, Nick interrupted them and stepped to his girlfriend while  Cormoran stepped beside her. 

“Oh this and that”,  Ils said. “I guess dinner’s ready”, she said while looking into a pot on the stove. “Who’s hungry?”

“Starving”, the two men said and a few minutes later they all sat around the small table and had dinner together. 

Robin mostly stayed silent while the other’s talked. 

“So how do you two met?  Oggy didn’t tell us a lot about you”, Nick said and smiled at the young woman.

“Oh... I...”, she started but had no clue what to say.

“It was at campus the day I came back from Columbia and you got me to that party”,  Cormoran said and helped her out. “We bumped into each other so to speak.”

“Yes. That’s true”, she said and was glad that he hadn’t told them about the whole  Mattew thing. 

“So it’s been a while with you two now”,  Ilsa said and smiled. “I’m glad to see you are so happy.”

Robin blushed. This whole situation was weird for her and yet she liked his friends. Also this has been important for him and so she had let him take her here tonight. She could also see that they loved him. They truly did and they cared. Things were different with her own friends from  uni. Most of the girls just were jealous or tried to talk her out of the relationship with Strike. Only one was positive about all this and she had visited Strike and Robin already for coffee. Nick and  Ilsa could see that she was tense and tried to make her relax. 

“Don’t be this tense. It’s just  an evening with friends, to get to know you. We won’t judge you or look if you fit to him. It’s Corm’s decision”, Nick said when he poured her another glass of wine. 

“He’s right”,  Ilsa confirmed. “We don’t bite.”

“Not yet at least”,  Cormoran mumbled and  Ilsa playfully slapped him on the arm.

After dessert – a fantastic warm chocolate cake with ice cream – they retired to the sofa. Stuffed and Robin a bit more relaxed. Strike had his fourth beer and he and Nick talked about the latest football match while  Ilsa and Robin sat at the kitchen counter, emptying another bottle of wine, talking about girls stuff.

“Do you love him?”,  Ilsa then said.

“I think I do”, she confessed and blushed. 

“Then you should tell him. He has a dangerous job. I know he’s careful but I know how it feels to worry.”

“Excuse me”, Robin mumbled after a minute of silence and headed to the bathroom. 

She knew  Ilsa was right. She knew, but he hadn’t told her, had he? He had told her what he loved about her but he never had told her that he loved her. She shoved the thought away and then returned to them.

It was late when they left them and headed through the cold night home to their flat. Strike held her hand yet he could feel how absent she was. 

“Are you okay?”, he asked and she nodded. 

The silence between them continued until they were at their flat. She changed and headed to bed immediately while he sat at the small balcony, smoked and had another drink. They have had a nice evening at his friends’ place but since  Ilsa had talked to her, she was different somehow. He also needed to talk to her about his job but then he just couldn’t bring himself to do so. It was past midnight when he decided to head to bed. Silently he undressed and then lay down beside her, dressed in a t-shirt and pyjama buttons. She turned around after he had lay down and rested her hands at his arm. 

“I thought you were asleep by now”, he mumbled and kissed her hair.    
“I couldn’t sleep. I still have to think about today’s events.”

“I hope it wasn’t too bad for you and you enjoyed it a bit?”, Strike asked carefully.

“I did. Yet  Ilsa said something to me that just stuck. I know she’s right but I’m not sure if it’s not the wrong timing.”

“What did she say?” She shook her head and stayed silent. “You won’t tell me?”

“Not now...” He accepted it and just lay here, starring at the ceiling. “But you’re thinking about something as well, are you?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve been sad since I got home from  uni. Want to talk about it?”

“I got news at work”, he said. “I got to go back to Afghanistan for a while”, Strike said bluntly and waited for her reaction.

Robin stayed silent and he just could feel her touch getting stronger. The silence became unbearable and he could hear her crying silently beside him after a few minutes. Why was she so upset about it? He was leaving yes, but he would come back.

“Robin... I wanted to talk to you sooner but this evening was important so I didn’t. I will be back, although this might take a while.”

“I...”, she sniffed. “I’m sorry I react like this but...” 

Her voice broke and she sobbed. Strike pulled her into his strong arms and held her. Trying to calm her down.

“Please don’t apologise for how you feel. I understand your reaction and I’m so sorry. But it has to be.”

“It’s fine. I’m just worried. The situation isn’t the best at the moment.”

“It’s not”, he agreed. “But I’ll be careful.”

“Promise?”

“I’ll promise.”

He kissed her softly and she calmed down after a while. 

“When do you have to leave?”

“In four days”, Strike answered calmly.

“Alright. I’ll wait for you then.”

“I hope you do.”

“I will because....”, she stopped for a moment. “Because I love you  Cormoran .”

There it was, she thought.  Ilsa had been right and she felt better that she had told him after all. Especially when he would leave for Afghanistan. Strike simply was happy that she had told him. He knew it was overdue for them but then it had never been the right moment to say it. It felt good to hear it. To hear how she felt. He could feel her insecurity beside him when he stayed silent. He popped up on one arm and pulled her closer, looking at her in the dim light that fell into the room from outside. He smiled softly when his fingers traced a soft line over her cheek. Then he leaned down and kissed her softly.

“I love you too Robin”, he mumbled after the kiss. “And I will come back. I promise.”

She pulled him closer and started to undress him. His touches were careful and soft when he shoved her clothes over her body. Their kisses got heated and soon he was over her, buried inside her and carefully moving. Their lovemaking was slow and lustful and both of them could feel that this was more special than usual.

Early the next morning both of them were woken by the ringing doorbell. He had held her in his arms and grumbled at the continuing noise. 

“I’ll go”, she mumbled and stumbled up, dressing in his t-shirt before heading to open.

In front of the door stood her parents.

“Mum! Dad! What are you doing here?”

“After our talk yesterday, I thought it would be best to come and look at the whole situation myself”, her mum said and stepped inside.

“Hello darling”, her dad said instead and kissed his  daughter on the cheek before stepping inside.

“Hi dad.”

“So... Where is he?”, her mother asked.

“We were still in bed when you rang the bell”, she said. “If you’d like to give us some time to dress, you can make some coffee meanwhile.”

Linda saw the anger in her daughter’s eyes.

“Linda, calm down. She’s old enough to decide what’s right and at least give her the chance to introduce him properly”, her husband said when he started to prepare some coffee for them.

Meanwhile Robin headed to their bedroom to wake  Cormoran and tell him about what was going on. She had intended to do so last night but then things had changed and he had told her about going back to war. He was half asleep again when she sat by his side.

“Who was it?”, he mumbled.

“It’s my parents”, Robin said and he was fully awake now.

“What are your parents doing here?”

“I had a call from my mum yesterday. Matthew had told her all the rumours about you and how bad you are for me and she believes him. She came to see for herself how things are with us.”

“Alright”, he said. “ So there are a lot of  prejudices against me?”

“He told them what he made me believe. That you’re violent, a junkie, all that.”

“I see... Well let’s get it over with then.”

He kissed her and could see that she was nervous. Quickly she slipped into some decent clothes and he did as well before they stepped out into the kitchen and living room area.

“Mum, dad”, Robin said and they both turned to them. “This is  Cormoran Strike”, she introduced them and  Strike shook their hands. “Cormoran, these are my parents, Linda and Michael Ellacott.”

“Nice to meet you Sir”, he said and shook her dad’s hand. “Mam’.”

Michael seemed quite nice and unbiased towards him. Linda not so much. She scrutinized him thoroughly and didn’t smile a bit.

“Coffee?”, Michael asked them and both agreed before sitting at the small table while Robin prepared some breakfast.

“ So you’re a soldier?”, Michael asked and had a sip of coffee.

“Yes Sir”, he said. “I’m a member of the SIB.”

“Interesting”, Michael said.

“Thank you, Sir.”

“Please, don’t call me Sir. I’m Michael.”

Cormoran smiled.

“And you are an honest man, Mr Strike?”, her mother now asked still suspicious.

“I do what’s necessary in my job. But I’m trying to be as honest as I can Mam.”

“Mum!”, Robin said and stepped with a huge plate of food to them.

They had a pretty silent breakfast together and the whole atmosphere was pretty tense.  Cormoran could feel how nervous she was beside him. He took her hand under the table and looked at her. He signalled her to stay calm, that all was fine.

After breakfast, he received a call and excused himself  to take the call. 

“Why are you so angry at him?”, Robin asked her mum as silent as possible. “He did nothing to you that you’ve to react like this!”

“I’m sorry. I just wanted to find out what he would say. He seems quite settled and nice. I can hardly believe that he did what Matthew said he did.”

“He didn’t mum. It was for a cover that’s all.”

Strike stepped out, fully dressed in his uniform and curiously looking at them.

“I gotta go. Hardy called. We’ve an arrest to make”, he explained and stepped closer.

“When will you be back?”, Robin asked.

“Probably in the evening.”

“Okay”, she said.

“It was nice to meet you Mrs Ellacott, Mr Ellacott.”

They shook hands again before he quickly grabbed his coat. Robin followed him to the hallway.

“Stay safe”, she mumbled and he quickly kissed her before he left.

When she returned to her parents, Linda scrutinized her daughter.

“You really love him?”, she asked.

“I do, and he loves me.”

“Well then... It’s your decision after all.”

“Thanks mum”, she said and they both hugged. 

They stayed until tea and then left again. Robin was happy that this was over and they had settled things between them. Yet she was sad how things had turned out and how he had met her parents. This was not how she had wished it would happen.

It was late when Strike returned from his job, quite satisfied with how things had turned out. They had arrested the one responsible and managed to finish all paperwork. Hardy had instead, given him the next two days off until they’d leave to sort things with Robin. Suspecting her parents to still be here, he entered the flat but they had gone thankfully. This whole meeting had been weird and he was happy when Hardy had called. Robin heard him entering the flat and immediately stepped to him. Quite shy she looked at him, untying his boots.

“I’m so sorry for today. I should have told you about the call.”

“It’s fine. Don’t worry too much. I hope they weren’t too rough to you?”

“No. We sorted things out.”

“I’m glad you did”, he said and smiled softly, putting his boots away and stepping to her. “I would have had a bad feeling if you had a row with your parents just because of me.”

“How was the case?”

“Good, we sorted everything and I’ve the next two days off before I got to leave.”

“That’s fantastic”, she said and let her fingers slide over the stubbles on his chin before he softly kissed her.

“I don’t want you to go back”, she then said when his lips left hers for a moment.

“I know but it’s my responsibility.”

“Please promise me you’ll be careful.”

“I will.”

He once more kissed her and he could feel how urgent her hands rummaged over his uniform and she tried to get rid of it. It made him insane, the heavy pull towards each other. Craving for the other’s touch and kisses all the time. His stamina had always been quite present but with her it was just like he was a teenager again. He shoved her the few feet through the hallway to the kitchen and a few seconds later she could feel the wooden table against her backside. His hands sat her on the table and he hurriedly got rid of his jacket. 

“Gosh... This is exhausting”, he mumbled while she fumbled at his belt.

“What is?”

“The constant urge to touch you. I feel like a horny teenager all the time”, he confessed and she laughed.

“Well you got quite the stamina Seargeant Strike”, Robin teased and he kissed her again.

“Are you complaining?”, the then asked mockingly.

“Not at all.”

“I certainly hope so”, he grumbled and she laughed again. 

He took her right here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello guys!   
> I hoped you enjoyed this chapter and as it turned out :)   
> A meeting with Ils & Nick had been quite constant in this part of my story, even though I changed it and added Robin's parents and them arriving unannounced.  
> I came to a point in this story, where I have to do some more research and it's gonna take me some time bc work is keeping me very busy these days, too busy tbh. Thankfully I had some time today bc I had a day off and finally managed to update :)   
> So please be patient for the next chapter, I promise you won't regret it :)   
> love, Y.


	13. Chapter 13

_ Afghanistan, 14 weeks later _

The weather was hot and boiling when Strike left his tent. Today he and some of his men were on a field trip to check out one of the main roads they used these days. He had found evidence that the last KIA’s where planned attacks against them. He was sure that they’d find a lead and maybe the people responsible today so he had put together a unit with 10 men in two trucks. Hardy had left two weeks ago because of different meetings and incidents in England and Europe. Strike was the leading officer now and he knew he could count on his men. They were all cheerful and talked about  Anstis ’ wife and her pregnancy when they entered the trucks back. Yet Strike had an odd feeling that day but shoved it away and they made their way to the small town nearby.

“What will you do when you get home soon?”,  Anstis asked while they put their things in the truck and interrupted his thoughts.

“ Oh I don’t know”, he lied although he knew exactly what he was going to do. 

He would go home to his girl, kiss her and make  love to her and then he would ask her if she would stay by his side. He loved Robin, there was no doubt and being here had shown him how much. She wrote to him regularly and he did too, yet he missed her. 

“I’m simply looking forward to see my baby-girl",  Anstis said excited. “My wife  send me a pic.”

They all sat in the back of the truck and the soldier showed them the picture. Everyone congratulated him and the others talked about their plans as well. Strike was distracted by his thoughts about this case though. He looked outside the front window when they slowed down after a while and looked at the scene in front of him. A cart from one of the locals was broken down on the road with a broken wheel. He saw a young boy shoving another child away and looking at their truck. Something was odd. Strike had a bad feeling about all this. Then he saw another man ushering the others away and the carriage in front of them was pushed away. The driver of their car started the engine and moved forward. Strike jumped up and pulled  Anstis away from the front of the car when the explosion happened, then everything went dark... 

His ears were ringing and the dust was heavy around them. He shouted the names of his comrades but received no answer. Then there was the boy again. A few feet away, holding a gun, stepping closer while watching him. His sight was blurry and he was too weak to get up. He stepped closer and looked down at him. That would be it then, he thought. Even though he had promised he would come home to her. His thoughts remained with Robin while the boy smiled down at the soldier and then winked before he left. What had happened? Why was he still alive? He could hear a chopper nearby and some cars and he had no clue how much time had passed. He probably had drifted out sometime and so did he  now . The next thing he remembered was a soldier kneeling beside him. Then there was pain. He screamed and then there was nothing again. Just darkness and screams and noise. Then there was pain again and blurred people around him. He mumbled something and tried to get up but a hand shoved him down. Pain, there was constant heavy pain but what was this? He tried to see what they were doing but he was so tired. He was constantly drifting in and out of consciousness.

Robin had just finished another lecture and stepped out on the lawn when her phone rang. An unknown number but she picked up nonetheless.

“ Ellacott .”

“Miss  Ellacott ”, she heard a familiar voice. “Lieutenant  Hardacre here.”

Immediately her stomach tightened and she felt worried. Why did he call?

“I need you to come over if you can. I’ve some things to ask because of a hearing on the Berlin case and your involvement.”

“Oh... Sure. When do you want me to come?”

“Best would be today. Say... In about an hour?”   
“Alright. I’ll be there”, she agreed since she had the rest of the day off.

“Great. See you then.”

An hour later Robin arrived at his office and knocked. He shouted for her to come in and she did.

“Ah Miss  Ellacott ”, he greeted and shook her hand while he guided her to his desk. “I’m so glad you could make it.”

“No problem”, she said and smiled softly. “I had the rest of the day off anyway.”

“That’s good.”

He scrutinized her while she sat opposite him. Robin liked him. She knew he was a good friend of  Cormoran’s and he was very likeable. She could see that there was more though and he had lied.

“I have to be honest to you”, he then said in a serious voice. “I didn’t let you come over for the Berlin case. It’s about  Oggy .”

“What about him?”, she asked now concerned and with a little shaking in her voice.

“He and some other men were attacked. He’s heavily injured and his condition isn’t very good.”

Her whole worlds started spinning and time seemed to stop. All her fears had come true. It wasn’t sure if he would make it, if he would come home. Her hands started shaking and tears streamed down her face. Hardy could see that she was lost and completely freaking out. He knew it was hard for her. He himself was worried about his friend as well.

“Can I see him?”

“He’s currently being transferred to a hospital in London. It’s the best we can do at the moment.”

“Can I wait here?”

“It’s not usual but of course you can. I got some meetings the next hours.”

“Thanks”, she sniffed and he stood up.

“Don’t worry too much Robin”, he said and put his hand on her shoulder. “He’s a tough bastard. He’ll be fine.”

Robin nodded and he quickly left for his meeting. It felt as if her whole world was falling apart in this second. She was afraid and angry that she couldn’t do anything. Robin felt completely helpless. 

It was early in the morning and Robin had fallen asleep on the small sofa in Hardy’s office. He stepped in, tired and exhausted. It’s been an hour since  Cormoran had arrived and he was currently having surgery. He needed a break and he had to tell Robin, but when he found her like this, he decided to wait. She needed some rest because he knew this could be emotional. He knew from his wife. Hardy grabbed his coat and quietly left his office again. Surgery took another three hours due to complications and when he knew his friend was stable, he decided to finally tell Robin. It was nearly 5am and heavily raining and windy. He crouched beside the sofa and woke her up.

“Robin, wake up.” She startled to get woke by the unfamiliar face of the man and panicked a moment. “Sch... It’s ok. It’s just me”, he said. “Hardy.”

“Oh... I’m so sorry”, she said after she had calmed a bit. “Any news on Strike?”

Hardy nodded and she sat up. Her clothes were rumpled, her hair a mess and she looked tired while he could clearly see the traces of her crying.

“He was in surgery for a few hours. He’s stable now and you can see him if you want.”

“I do”, Robin said.

“It’s going to be hard though. Surgery was quite complicated and his injuries major.”

“What happened to him?”

“He lost part of his right leg due to a bomb. He’ll need a prosthetic from now on and he’ll be discharged. Get a pension and that’s it. I’m so sorry Robin.”

She was shocked. This would definitely change their lives. He had no clue how  Cormoran would react to all this. Hardy gave her a minute and then they were off to the hospital. She was silent during their ride and Hardy was a bit worried. If she was like Charlotte at all, she would leave him soon and he was afraid that this would break his friend completely. Yet he knew that Cormoran wouldn’t love her this much if she wasn’t the right one. He had made this mistake before but hopefully this would be different now. Hardy guided her inside the hospital and to the room Strike was in. There was a nurse that changed his IV bag and then left quietly. There were too many wires and bandages and only the steady beeping of the monitor let them know he was still alive. Robin tried to not cry in front of Hardy. She stepped closer and looked at him. 

“He looks so pale”, she mumbled and he could hear that her voice was thick with tears. 

“The operation was quite complicated and there were some problems. The doctor’s said we’re glad he made it at all.”

Silently she cried and looked at the wounded soldier.

“I’ll let you alone. There’s more I need to organise.”

“Thank you  Hardacre ”, Robin mumbled and he left her a moment later.

The young woman stepped closer and softly let her hand rest in his before she leaned down and kissed him on the forehead. She was worried and her hands were shaking. What if he didn’t make it? What if he did and he shoved her away? Robin had no idea how to handle this situation but she was sure somehow, they’d manage. She sat beside his bed in an armchair and held his hand. Her eyes rested on his monitor and his heart rate. It was steady and after a while Robin got calmer. 

She rested at his bed day and night and after the second day Hardy returned where he still found her. He was surprised and also happy that she was still there. Apparently, he had been wrong about her. 

“You’re still here”, he said quietly and Robin looked up. 

She had dark circles under her eyes, her hair and clothes were a mess. 

“I can’t leave him”, Robin said.

“Well then you at least should get cleaned up if he wakes”, Hardy said and smiled softly at her. “I’ll get you some clothes and organise a bed for you so you can stay here.”

“Thank you.”

An hour later he returned, a bag with her clothes and a nurse who got a bed she put beside his. The other woman smiled at her and Robin thanked her.

“We organised some food for you. If you need anything, just come by or ring the bell.”

“Thank you very much.”

“I’ll take a look at him”, Hardy said and sat at the chair on the other side of  Cormoran’s bed. 

Robin grabbed the bag and headed to the small bathroom where she took a long shower. Gosh, she had definitely needed one, Robin thought after stepping outside again only wrapped in a towel. She quickly brushed her teeth and dressed in some yoga pants, a sports bra and cosy pullover before she headed out again. As promised Hardy was there and quickly scrutinized her. She sat beside him again and once more took  Cormoran’s hand.

“You like him, do you?”

“I do”, she confessed and the Lieutenant smiled.

“I’m glad he has you Robin. He seemed happy for the first time again.”

She blushed but just looked at  Cormoran . He had gained a bit of colour and his wounds in his face had started to heal. She was tired since she hadn’t properly slept in days. 

“Can I get you something else?  Mabe something from your flat?”

“No, thank you Lieutenant. I’m all good.”

“I’ll leave you two alone then” he said and headed out again. 

An hour later – after some talks with the Doctors – he quickly looked into the room again and could see that she was asleep. He put a blanket over her and then left his friend once more. He wanted to stay but simply couldn’t due to all the appointments he had because of the incident in Afghanistan. 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello y'all,
> 
> thank you so much for all the nice comments on the previous chapters. I'm so glad you all seem to like this AU so much :) 
> 
> This will be my last big chapter for a while since next week, I've work again and a ton to do like usual after a week off so I'm not sure I'll have enough time to write a lot.  
> Also I'm currently at the end of what I wrote in advance so have some patience for the next chapter. But believe me, it's worth the waiting. 
> 
> Thanks again for all the nice comments, kudos and hits. 
> 
> Love, Y.

_ 3 days later _

It had been a week now after the operation and Cormoran returning to England. Yet he wasn’t awake and Robin was worried. Why was he still asleep? She asked a nurse when she returned to check on his vitals and changed the IV bag again. 

“His body is healing itself. He’ll wake up when he’s ready. Don’t worry too much Miss. He’s much better then when he first came here. I’m sure Mr Strike will wake up soon.”

“I hope you’re right”, Robin said to her and the nurse left again. 

Meanwhile she tried to concentrate on her studies she had to catch up on but it wouldn’t work. She had to get out for a moment so she grabbed her coat and headed out since it was a cold evening.

When she returned, she was calmer and concentrated so she started to continue writing on her paper. It was late in the evening when she woke up from a weird dream. Her book fell on the floor and she looked around. Just a weird dream, Robin told herself and looked at Strike. He was about to wake up. She waited impatiently and rang the bell for the nurse when she saw that he had problems with the breathing hose. She came immediately and when she saw what was going on, she helped him get rid of it.

“Calm down  Seargeant Strike. Take a deep breath and then exhale on 1... 2... 3...”, she pulled the breathing hose out and he coughed heavily. After he had calmed down, he looked around and was surprised to see Robin by his bed. 

“Robin”, he said in a rough voice and coughed again. 

“Sch.... It’s fine”, she mumbled and tried to hold back the tears but she couldn’t. 

“Where am I?”, he asked confused. 

“You’re in hospital. In London. You’ve been transferred here due to your heavy injuries”, the nurse explained calmly while Robin held his hand.

“London”, he mumbled and then looked at Robin again. “Why are you here?”

Confused she looked at him and a bit affronted. How dare he ask this question? She was worried, that’s why. 

“No... No... How are you here?”

Robin looked at the nurse who smiled softly. 

“It’s the morphine. He’s got quite a heavy dose and it might confuse him”, she explained to Robin. 

“ Hardacre got me here and told me about your accident.” 

He nodded but still looked confused and unsure about all this. Robin squeezed his hand reassuringly. “Get some sleep. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

The nurse fumbled at his IV and a few seconds later he fell asleep again.

“If you need anything, just ring the bell and we’re there.”   
Robin thanked her and then sat in the chair again, wrapped in a blanket. He was awake and seemed normal although he was high from the medicine. It probably was easier to talk to him tomorrow. Plus he really needed his rest. Robin closed her eyes as well and feel asleep by his side once more. 

When she woke the next morning,  he watched her. 

“Morning, she mumbled and was immediately by his side. “How are you?”

“I’m okay”, Strike answered even though it was a li e, yet the young woman stayed silent and didn’t argue. “Since when are you here?”

“About a week now.” 

“That explains the bed & your stuff", he said observant and she smiled.

“Yes. ”

“You missed your lectures because of me”,  Cormoran said a bit  reproachful.

“This was more important. I was worried about you.”

“Don’t be. I’ll be fine.”

“But this is more serious than before.  Hardacre told me you would react like this”, Robin mumbled.

“Like what?”

“Denying.”

Deep down  Cormoran knew this was exactly what he was doing. He had been shocked when he had seen the stump on his right leg. He knew that this was the end of his career. The end for everything he had worked for. She could see his sadness.

“I want you to go back to  uni. I can do this. I just need some time to get going again”, he said to her and took her hand. “Promise me you’ll catch up on the stuff you missed and don’t let yourself get distracted again.”

“Alright”, Robin agreed since she saw how important this was for him. “But I’ll visit regularly and promise me, you’ll call if you need me?”

“I will”, he said but knew that he wouldn’t, even if he needed her.

He would not let her see how this affected him. He would not burden her with this responsibility to care for him. He didn’t need her to do this. He didn’t want to change anything between them. All would stay the same, he had sworn himself. He asked after how she was and they talked quietly for a while before a nurse stepped inside and got him lunch. Strike wasn’t hungry.

“You should eat a bit”, Robin said. 

“Later. I’m just tired at the moment.”

“I’ll leave then”, she said. “Rest.”

“Thanks Robin. Text me when you’re home.”

She nodded and quickly kissed him. It felt good feeling her lips on his and he deepened the kiss a little before she stepped away again, smiling and left him. She had to go or she never would and she also had felt that he needed some time alone to deal with things. 

“Fuck”, he grumbled and closed his eyes for a moment before he looked at the missing part of his leg again. 

He had to talk to Hardy how things would go on, even though he knew how this would end. Then the pain started. He felt as if his leg would be ripped off again. When the nurse returned an hour later and found him like this, she immediately contacted a Doctor. The man hurried inside a few seconds later.

“ Seargeant Strike. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing”, he lied through clenched teeth and tried his hardest to ignore the pain.

“You’re in heavy pain. I’ll give you some morphine to ease it and for you to sleep. You need to rest.”

“I have things to discuss”, he grumbled. 

“You can do that if you’re better”, the Doctor said when the nurse returned with some morphine and they changed the IV.

“Why does it hurt so much?”, Strike gave in and asked finally.

“It’s PLP, phantom limb pain. PLP refers to ongoing painful sensations that seem to be coming from the part of the limb that is no longer there. The limb is gone, but the pain is real. Unlike pain that is caused by trauma, PLP is thought to be caused by mixed signals from your brain or spinal cord. Researchers don’t know exactly what causes phantom limb pain though. One possible explanation would be that the nerves in parts of your spinal cord and  [ brain ](https://www.webmd.com/brain/picture-of-the-brain) “rewire” when they lose signals from the missing leg. As a result, they send pain signals, a typical response when your body senses something is wrong. Another example of this rewiring could be, when you touch one body part - say, your hip or your forearm - your  [ brain ](https://www.webmd.com/brain/ss/slideshow-concussions-brain-injuries) might sense it on your missing limb. Other possible causes of phantom limb pain include damaged nerve endings and scar tissue from the amputation surgery but it’s too soon to say this is a possibility in your case.”

“Will this happen more often?”

“I can’t tell you if it does. It varies from patient to patient. Some deal with it only at the beginning after the amputation, some deal with PLP their whole lives. There are different treatments and causes to them but we’ll discuss this another time. Rest now.”

A few minutes later the pain eased and he fell asleep again.

The next day  Hardacre showed up to check on his friend. 

“How are you mate?”, he asked after sitting in the chair beside his bed. 

“I’m okay”, he lied and Hardy saw it.

“You know what this means, do you?” Strike nodded. “I tried to convince our superiors to change their opinion on this but they think you can’t work properly with this. I tried everything  Oggy . I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine”, Strike mumbled.

“You’ll be honourably discharged when you’re better. Pension and all. I don’t have to tell you how these things work.”

“No...”

They stayed silent and Hardy could feel the dark mood his friend slipped into. So he tried to distract him with Robin. A thing he had wanted to talk for quite some time now.

“How’s Robin dealing with all this?”

“She’s worried. I told her to go home and concentrate on  uni. ”

“You know she wants to help. You know she’ll stay by your side.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.”

“Why? You don’t love her?”

“I do...”, Strike sighed. “But I don’t want to put this burden on her. Having me as a cripple by her side. She deserves better.”

“Now you’re talking nonsense”, Hardy said a bit angry. “It was an accident. It is what it is and you have to get through it. You’ll learn to live with it. The other’s will as well.”

“The others?”, Strike said then. “Who’s alive?”

“ Anstis and Cooper.”

“At least good news.”

“Well more or less”, Hardy said. “ Anstis face is burned due to the explosion and Cooper lost part of his left hand.”

“Shit...”

“They’ll be discharged with you. And they have to live with their problems as well so get a grip and don’t ruin what you have with Robin by being this negative. It’ll be fine, you’ll see.”

Strike nodded and after a bit more business talk, Hardy left him again.

The next weeks Strike got better and a specialist fit the  prothesis . It was a weird feeling and that was the moment he had physiotherapy to learn to walk with this thing. It was frustrating and exhausting as well. 

“You nearly got it  Seargeant Strike.”

“I got nothing!”, he shouted at his physiotherapist when he once more stumbled.

His arms where tired from clinging to the rails that supported people who learned to walk again.

“Just don’t give up Strike.”

He looked at the other man angry and slowly headed to the wheelchair he used to get around the hospital. He got back to the room and sat by the window where he looked outside. He made barely any progress and the pain was still there. Strike craved for a cigarette but smoking wasn’t allowed while he was here.

The next day was mostly the same. He barely slept due to the pain and physiotherapy was exhausting and frustrating. Today he had to walk freely. The man held him but Strike shoved him away. He had to get out of here and the only possibility was when he could walk alone. He hesitated at the last step before the end of the bars but then he did it. It was painful and immediately he put his weight on his healthy leg.

“Good”, the therapist said. “Now a step forward.”

Strike did it. Then another with his  prothesis and he fell. It hurt and he got even more frustrated. The man wanted to help him up, but he shouted at him to leave him alone. He tried to get up but it wouldn’t work. Then two arms grabbed his and when he looked up, he could see that it was his friend Nick.

“What are you doing  here ?”, he asked him. 

“Helping you up mate. C’mon you heavy bastard. A bit of help would be lovely”, he joked and helped him into the wheelchair. 

Nick showed the man that he got it and pushed Strike back to his room. 

“How are you?”, Nick then said and sat beside him in the armchair. “And please don’t lie to me and tell me everything’s alright. It isn’t. Robin told me.”

“What did she tell you?”

“That you shoved her away. You don’t call. Every time she does, you are very brief and hang up soon after. Every time she asks to come over, you say you’re busy with therapy. We both know that you don’t want to see her. So how are you really?”

“Truth be told, I feel like shit. You saw what happened back there. I can’t even walk in this fucking thing!”, Strike said angry and gestured to his  prothesis .

“You simply need practice. It takes time  Oggy . Be patient.”

“But I don’t want to be patient! I’m a cripple and useless.”

Nick could see that his friend’s mental state was the main problem here. They had to find a solution to this. Strike rubbed his tired eyes and the n looked out of the window again.

“I know this is hard. It must be, but you can’t behave like this!”, Nick said calmly, yet  decisively . “Robin needs you so get your ass up and walk!”

Nick stood in front of him, looking down challenging and Strike nodded before the other man helped him up. 

“Ready?” He nodded. “Okay. On three. One.... Two.... Three!” Strike made a step forward. “One... Two... Three!” And one with his  prothesis . “One... Tow... Three!”

One more. The pain was worse than before. Nick saw the pain in his face, yet his eyes told him to try again so  Cormoran did and took another step. 

“See? You can do it”, his friend smiled.

Another step on the  prothesis and he once more broke down. But this time Nick held him tightly so he fell into his friend’s arms. He let out a frustrated moan. 

“Okay. I guess that’s enough for today”, Nick said and helped him sit on the bed.

Cormoran was covered in sweat and his hands were shaking. It was a step forward, he had to admit. Yet he knew it wouldn’t be enough.

“It’s a step in the right direction. Keep practicing  Oggy and don’t give up.”

Strike promised him. They talked for a while and it was late in the evening when Nick left again.

“Please promise me you’ll let her see you. It’s important for both of you.”

Strike nodded and then his friend was gone. 

Robin was worried when she got home late and – once more – had no news from  Cormoran . He had denied to see her and she knew it. She understood why he behaved like this, but it was ridiculous. He should have known that she would be there for him, yet he declined her help and shoved her away and it hurt. She had told Nick and Ilsa about it and Nick had promised to talk to him when he visited today. Since it was late, she knew he must be home again so she texted Ilsa.

_ Just wanted to check in how things went and how he is. R _

After she had finished making some tea, an answer arrived.

_ He’s doing not very well, according to Nick but he promised to see you soon. Ils _

Robin was happy and hoped that he would truly see her the next time she called or texted and asked him about it. Immediately she called Cormoran and, unless like before, he picked up this time.

“Hi”, she mumbled. “How are you?”

“I’m okay”, he said calm and Robin knew it was a lie. “How are you? How’s  uni ?”

“I’m busy,  uni is good. I handed in my work today.”

“That’s fantastic”, he said calmly.

“Can I come over tomorrow?”, she then asked and waited for the usual answer.

“Sure. I’ve some therapy sessions but I’m available in the afternoon.”

“Great”, Robin said a bit too enthusiastic and he knew Nick had talked to her. “Can I bring you anything?”

“No. I got all I need. Thanks.”

“How’s physiotherapy going?”

“It’s good”, he lied again. “I’m making progress.”

“That’s brilliant.”

It was the usual small talk and both knew it yet none of them had any idea what to say. It was still new between them and now his accident, it changed the situation. After the usual talk, they don’t know what to say so Strike hung up again.

“I got to go. Doctor’s just arrived.” Another lie. “Goodnight Robin.”

“Goodnight Cormoran. Looking forward to tomorrow.”

“Yeah... Me too.”

“Bye”, she said softly again and hung up. 

A bit happier about the call Robin had some quick dinner and headed to bed. She had a weird dream about  Cormoran in hospital and meeting his ex-girlfriend – the dark-haired beauty she had seen at the party. She woke up quite exhausted the next day and not very well rested due to her weird dreams that woke her up the whole night. Robin had a day off, so she decided to clean, headed grocery shopping and meet up with the girls from uni. They asked her how things were with her boyfriend and she lied. She told them that all was fine and he was - like some time before – on the road for a job. It was around midday when she made her way to the railway station and to London to see him.


	15. Chapter 15

Strike was tired after his therapy session and shower. He sat in the armchair by the window and looked outside when it knocked. A few seconds later he heard it close again, light footsteps and a familiar smell.

“Hi Bluey.”

Quickly Strike slipped the blanket over his stump and braced himself for what would come. 

“What are you doing here?”, he asked calmly and she stepped beside him.

“I wanted to see you”, she said and kissed him on the cheek. 

“How do you know I’m here?”

“Oh, I’ve contacts.”

“I don’t want you here.”

“But you’re hurt Bluey... I thought you needed someone to take care of you”, she said and sat on his lap. 

Thankfully it was his healthy leg. She leaned closer and let her hand glide over his cheek. He turned his head away and she was startled by his gesture. 

“What is it?”

“I told you, I don’t want to see you Charlotte. I don’t love you anymore, it’s over.”

“You end this?”

“It’s been over for quite a while now.”

“But you love me Bluey”, she said lascivious and let her hand rest on his chest. “I know you do.”

“No. I don’t. Not anymore.”

She leaned closer and then kissed him unexpectedly. Cormoran shoved her away and Charlotte got angry. Like she had used to, she stood up, looking at him and then she slapped him and stormed outside. Robin bumped into the angry woman when she wanted to knock. Surprised to see her, she startled and looked at her while she vanished down the corridor. Shoving her thoughts about Strike’s ex-girlfriend away, she knocked and stepped inside. Cormoran was sitting in the armchair by the window, looking outside, his back to the door. She stepped closer and immediately felt his dark mood. Was it because of his ex? 

“Hi”, she mumbled and kissed him on the cheek. “How are you?”, Robin asked while slipping out of her coat and carelessly tossing it on the bed. 

“I’m okay”, he lied. “How are you?”, he asked and scrutinized her. 

She wore a dark green dress that barely reached her knees, her hair done up but there were already a few loose stands of it. She looked worried and asking at him. Probably because she had seen Charlotte. He sighed. 

“I’m good”, she said but didn’t mention any word about Charlotte. “I got you this”, Robin said and handed him a book about criminology including the newest achievements in forensic science. 

“Thanks”, he said and looked interested at his lecture while she smiled and watched him. 

He looked exhausted and sad. She knew it was because of his upcoming discharge from the Army. 

“So how are things at home?”

“Oh all is well. I finished my thesis and currently looking for a job.”

“But I thought you wanted to continue your studies”, he said surprised.

“Well with the current situation, I thought it would be best to find a job. We surely need the money.”   
“I don’t want you to give up your life just because I lost mine.”

“Don’t say that”, she said. “You’re still alive, that’s what counts. And the other things, we will deal with this. Together”, she reassured him and took his hand. 

“Are you really sure you want to continue this?”, he asked dead serious. “I can’t give you much. I’m a discharged cripple without a future.”

“No!”, she said quite angry herself. “You are alive, you are a good man and we can do this. I don’t want you to say such things. I understand it must be hard but you can’t give up now”, Robin said.

“Please, for me.”

He knew this was important for her so he nodded. She leaned over and pressed her lips against his. Softly, short, innocent. 

“Now, we will head out for a walk, what do you say? The weather’s nice and not too cold.”

“Alright”, he said and she helped him into his coat and put a blanket over him so he won’t be cold before she took the wheelchair and rolled outside with him. Some people shot them curious looks and Robin tried to distract his mind with some chatting about university and her plans how to go on. It didn’t cheer him up, but it distracted him for the moment and Robin felt it. When she got him back to his room and had helped him into his bed, he smiled at her.

“Thank you for coming, Robin.”

“It was my pleasure”, she smiled at him and kissed him softly again.

This time he didn’t let go of her immediately and deepened the kiss a little. She was happy to feel that he still wanted her.

“I got to go or I’ll won’t make it for the next train.”

“Alright”, he mumbled and kissed her one last time before he let go. 

Robin dressed in her coat and then headed home, promising him to come back soon. When she was gone, his mood darkened again. He knew Robin was right, he knew Hardy was right and everything would work out but it was hard to think like that. This job had been his life. His passion. The thing he had needed the most after all this stuff with his mum and Whittaker. Loosing this now felt like the end. Yet he had to be strong, for Robin. She was the reason he wanted to go on. He knew she would do everything to make this work. She even wanted to work instead of continuing her studies. This discussion isn’t over though, he thought. He didn’t want her to ruin her life because of him. Shoving his thoughts about all this away, he closed his eyes. This day had been exhausting and soon Strike fell asleep.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys,
> 
> sry for not updating for quite some time, busy at work and with all that's going on at the moment.  
> I hope you're all fine and enjoying our quarantine at the moment, reading a lot of fics, writing etc.
> 
> Here's quite a long chapter to keep you all occupied during this time. Enjoy and stay safe everyone! :)
> 
> love, Y.

_ 1 month later _

Today was the day  Cormoran would come home. Robin was quite excited, and she tried to make everything perfect. But first she had another interview in a company nearby. She woke up early, cleaned their flat, showered and then headed to her interview. She wore a black pencil skirt, a grey silk blouse and a blazer over it. Her hair done up and a decent business-like make-up. Robin was nervous but also excited. It was a big company and Robin had applicated for a job in HR. Good money, good working times and a lot of responsibility. Robin arrived a bit too early and so she waited in front of the conference room after introducing herself to the secretary at the entrance. The young woman had led her here and offered her a cup of tea, but Robin declined. A few minutes later two young men arrived, and they shook hands.

“You must be Miss Ellacott”, the one in the blue suit said.

“Yes, nice to meet you.”

“Welcome”, the second one in a black suit said and they headed to the conference room.

The two brothers where the head of the company and quite nice. They looked for a capable lead in HR and Robin seemed perfect for them. An hour later they had finished the interview and offered her the job.

“We can also see that you still want to continue your studies”, the older brother said. “We want to support this and so we offer you the job with a place at university where you can continue your studies.”

Robin was surprised by their offer and accepted without hesitation. She would make good money so she and Cormoran could live. She would start in a week, so enough time to help Cormoran with his appointments and at home. They parted after signing the contract and Robin headed grocery shopping when her phone interrupted her while strolling through the aisle. She picked up. It was Ilsa.

“Hi Robin!”, the other woman said cheerful at the end. “I heard that Cormoran will come home today.”

“Yes, he’ll be released in an hour. Hardy will get him home.”

“That’s good. Do you want us to come over? Do you need help with anything?”

“I’m currently shopping”, Robin said and smiled. “But I don’t think tonight is a good time for visitors. Maybe tomorrow?”

“Sounds good. Shall we bring something?”

“We can cook and have dinner”, Robin suggested.

“Brilliant. I’ll text you about the details tomorrow.”

“Great, see you then”, Robin greeted Strike’s friend and hung up again. 

She continued her shopping and then headed home, changed and looked at the watch. Not long until Cormoran would he home.

Meanwhile Hardy arrived at the hospital where Strike packed his few things. He had learned to walk and did so pretty well. It had helped him that Robin and Nick were there and supported him. It made things easier. He would be officially discharged tomorrow and the thought made him sad. Strike shoved the thought away when it knocked and Hardy stepped inside. He was happy to see his friend cooping this good and he also knew it was due to Robin and  Oggy’s friends. 

“Ready to go?”, the soldier asked and Strike nodded. 

He took his crotches, his bag and slowly the two friends left the hospital and headed home. An hour later they arrived.

“Shal I bring you upstairs?”

“No. I can manage”, Cormoran said, thanked his friend for bringing him home and headed upstairs. 

He hesitated to go in. Things were different between them. He had felt it the moment Robin had visited him. She was more careful and caring and Strike was thankful for it but it also annoyed him a bit. He wasn’t used to people caring this much and helping him. He wasn’t sure what to do. He had no idea how he should react. Yet this was what he wanted. He wanted Robin. He loved her. Cormoran took a deep breath and then entered their flat. He could hear her in the kitchen and smelled the traces of her cooking. It smelled fantastic.

“Robin?”, he asked and put his bag and his crotches away before he stepped into the kitchen.

“You’re back!”, she said cheerfully and smiled before she stepped to him and hugged him tightly. “Just in time for dinner.”

She kissed him on the cheek and then headed to the stove again. Cormoran slipped out of his jacket and put it away before she called him for dinner. Carefully he got back to the kitchen and sat on one of the chairs. Robin looked beautiful. She wore a summer dress and her hair open while she prepared the food. He watched her and tried to shove the thought away how things between them would go on from now on. He was worried he wasn’t enough for her. Robin was happy that he was back, yet the young woman could feel that he was absent and different. She tried to distract him with the good news of her job and some food. She put a plate in front of him.

“Looks very good”, he said and she smiled again. 

She had cooked some pasta with shrimps and different vegetables. They ate in silence and after cleaning the dishes together, Cormoran retired to the sofa since he was tired and his leg hurt. Robin had no clue what to do so she stood by the counter and watched him.

“Please, don’t stand around like this and watch me”, he mumbled and she stepped to him and sat beside him on the sofa. “That’s better.”

Strike took her hand in his and looked at her. He could see her concern and her eyes wander to his prothesis.

“How are you feeling?”, she asked then.

“I'm okay. Bit sore. But the doctors said it’ll be normal the first times.”

“I got good news”, Robin then said and blushed a bit at his confused look. “I got a job. A good one that’ll bring us enough money and I can still continue my studies.”

“Wow, that’s brilliant”, Cormoran said truly excited. “I’m so happy you can continue your studies. I don’t want you to give everything up because of me.”

“I don’t. I want this life, with you. And I’m just doing it a bit differently than planned but I’m sure everything will be fine.”

He took a hand and caressed her cheek. She was so brilliant and caring and  beautiful, and he just loved her for it. 

“I'm glad you are home again”, she said and kissed him softly.

“Yeah, me too.”

The next day he woke early and found Robin in bed beside him, her arms around him, her head on his chest, her legs intertwined with his. He watched her a while before he kissed her forehead. They haven’t slept together although his body had wanted her. He wasn’t ready yet and Robin understood. She could feel that he was ashamed because of his leg. He tried to hide the prothesis, but she tried to make him feel as comfortable as she could. And it worked and made him calmer. He stayed by her side before he looked at the clock on the bedside table. Still enough time before he had his appointment with Hardy and the others. He held her in his arm and inhaled her familiar scent. She was his and would stay and it made him happy. Even though he was going through all this, by her side, all was good. Everything felt right and easier. He knew they could make it. He kissed her temple and then got up. He put on his prothesis and limped to the bathroom to take a shower. It was still complicated for him and  Cormoran wasn’t used to it so it took him some time until he got out again. He dried himself, put back on the prothesis and some clothes before Strike got back to their bedroom.  Deep in his thoughts he watched Robin from the doorway. After last night his doubts were gone and he felt that they could do this together if they really tried. He was thankful that things with her new job seemed to be good and supported her wish to continue university. He looked at his watch and then headed to make breakfast. When he was finished, he headed back to Robin to wake her. He sat beside her and softly stroke back a curl of her hair and then slipped down to her cheek. She was his and he still couldn’t believe how things had developed between them. She seemed to be happy even now. His look wandered to the watch on the bedside table again. They had to get up and get going or they would be late for his discharge ceremony. That was if she wanted to come at all. He softly managed to wake her and she looked sleepily at him. 

“Good morning”, he smiled at her.

“Morning”, Robin mumbled and closed her eyes again for a moment. “Oh god, the night was way too short.”

“Too short?”, he asked surprised. “Well but we slept quite early”, he  teased, and Robin laughed. 

“ Also, true”, she smiled and looked at him. “Since when are you up?”

“A while”, he confessed. “I made breakfast.”

“Sounds good. I’ll just take a shower. Will be out in a moment”, she promised and kissed him after sitting up.

It was too good to stop now, he thought and put his arm around her waist to pull her closer. Robin smiled into their kiss and rested her hands on his chest. She wanted him but knew it was too  soon, so she stopped and softly shoved him away.

“I’ll take a shower. Then breakfast.”

“Alright”, he mumbled and let go of her. 

Robin quickly vanished into their bathroom while  Strike made them a cup of tea. She returned just in time, dressed in some comfortable trousers and a t-shirt.

“I wanted to ask you something”, he said a bit nervous and put the tea in front of her. “I’ve this thing today at work. My official discharge from the Army. Will you come?”

“ Of course, I will”, she said and smiled. “I promised to do this with you, didn’t I?”

“Thanks”, he kissed her quickly before he sat by her side and they had a calm breakfast. “When will you start with your new job?”

“Next Monday”, she said.

“Alright”, he had another sip of tea.

“When is this ceremony?”

“At 12pm in London.”

She took his hand when she realised his mood got worse again and to reassure him that she was there if he needed her. Strike was thankful for it even if he didn’t show her. Yet she knew. Ilsa had told her that he was like this and she had realised it quite soon as well but then she wished that he would show her more. More of what he thought and felt. They had a calm breakfast and soon got changed for his appointment. Strike changed in his old uniform and Robin into a simple yet elegant black wrap dress with high heels. She looked beautiful.

“I will miss these on you”, she said, stepped closer and let her hand slide over his uniform. 

“You will?”

She nodded and kissed him.

“Come on. I don’t want you to be late on this.”

Strike got his crotches since he still wasn’t very good only walking on his prothesis when he had to walk for long, they got their coats and left for London where they met up with Hardacre before the ceremony. 

“How are you Oggy?”, he asked and the two men shook hands.

“I’m good”, Strike lied.

“Hello Robin”, Hardy greeted her and was pretty pleased to see her. “I’m very happy to see you. Come on. We’re about to start”, he said and guided Strike away while Robin sat between the partners of the other soldiers and looked at the scene in front of her.

Two hours later it was over. Strike was honourably discharged with his comrades. He got another medal he just put in his coat pocket and then stepped to Robin. She looked at him concerned.

“Let’s go home”, he said but they haven’t gone far when another soldier with a scared face stepped to them.

Robin had seen him before. He was with Strike and also a victim of this attack they had talked about. He had never told her how things had happened exactly and even now she just knew that it was an attack against their convoy. 

“You don’t want to introduce me to your lovely  companion ?”, he said and smiled at Robin. 

“Richard  Anstis , nice to meet you.” They shook hands and he curiously looked at her for a moment. “So you are the girl that conquered his heart?” She blushed under his glance and  Anstis laughed. “You’re leaving already Bob?”, he asked Strike and the other soldier nodded. 

“It’s been a long day”, he lied. “And Robin got work early again tomorrow”, he lied easily.

“Not one drink?”,  Anstis asked hopefully.

“No, sorry. Maybe some other time.”   
“Alright”, the other man  agreed, and they said their goodbye.

Robin could see that he limped more than before and that he was in pain. The moment they were outside he breathed in the fresh air and felt better. 

“Thank you for being here with me”,  Cormoran said and she took his hand for a moment before they headed to a nearby street they had parked in and Robin drove them home. 

He was silent all the way to their flat. She knew he thought about today’s events. Robin slipped out of her shoes and made them a cup of tea. Strike took the medal he had received, headed into the kitchen and tossed it into the bin. He was done with this. This meant nothing. Not one thing except that what he had loved and what he worked for was over. She watched him but stayed silent. Then he headed to the bedroom and changed into some jeans and a blue shirt. He sat on their bed and waited. What would he do now? He had no idea. Fuck... He buried his head in his hands and closed his eyes. He tried to think of their first meeting. The first time when Robin had stumbled on the grass in front of him. Had ran from Matthew, from her old life. The first time they had kissed. Unexpectedly in front of his comrades. The first time they had made love, in his bed in the small room. Ready to get caught by his superiors about his visitor and get tossed out. Yet he had only thought of her then. The time she had saved his life, when he had thought all was over and she was in danger. His mind circled around Robin and it made him calmer yet also anxious. He still had no clue if she wouldn’t break under this pressure. Under his problems. He didn’t want to be a burden for her. And yet he knew he would if he stayed. There was the small voice of doubt in his mind again. The small voice that told him she would be better off without him. He had no idea how long he had sat here but it was already getting dark when he now looked up and saw Robin standing by the door. She looked worried and so fucking beautiful. She could see the sadness in his eyes, he looked lost. Robin stepped closer and let her hand slide through his curly hair when she stood in front of him. 

“What are you thinking about?”, she asked quietly and looked at him. Strike pulled her closer and rested his head against her belly while his arms were slung around her. She softly  stroke through his hair and just held him while he stayed silent. She was his safe haven. He did not deserve her. He looked up and into her green eyes. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing”, he lied.

“Then why are you shutting yourself off again? Please talk to me.”   
“I’m not. I just needed time to think.”

“Please talk to me. I’m here for you.”

He stayed silent and pulled her down to kiss her. Robin felt that something was wrong. She felt it in his kisses, in his touch. It felt so different to the other times they’ve done this. It felt sad and a bit like a goodbye. The young woman ignored it and her bad feeling about this while she sat on his lap. His hands shoved her dress up and he touched her bare skin while his lips stayed on hers. They were slow and soft kisses yet also urgent. Robin’s hands where in his hair and she softly moved her hips. A moan escaped his throat and he looked at her, pupils blown with lust and want. She breathed heavily and looked at him before her hands wandered to the bow of her dress and opened it. She wore a simple black lace bra underneath and black panties. His eyes wandered over her body and she could feel the effect she had on him, yet he hesitated. Strike wasn’t sure if this was right. If this wasn’t too soon to show her his leg. Robin interrupted his thoughts with another kiss and her hands on his chest, opening his shirt. He had gained a bit of weight since he wasn’t able to do a lot of sports and had to stay this long in hospital. She didn’t mind a bit of soft tummy on him. It was cute and she also liked his longer hair and the scruff he usually wore.

“I like this”, she mumbled. “Scruffy...”

Robin kissed him while her hands stripped him from his shirt and tossed it to the floor. His hands shoved her dress away and over her body. She had also gained a tiny bit of weight and he liked it. She had been too slim when they had first met. Robin started to unbutton his jeans and unbuckle his belt. He moaned again when her hands accidentally touched him. He couldn’t believe that she was this confident now, while she had been so shy at the first time. He was happy that their relationship had changed her to the better. She stepped away for a moment and then helped him out of his trousers. Now it was his turn to get shy. This was the first time she actually saw his prothesis. She looked at it but not curious, repelled or disgusted. It was a neutral look. 

“Do you want to take it off?”, she asked and he nodded. 

It hurt him anyway and would only annoy him when this actually got further. This time she looked helplessly at him. Strike knew she tried to figure out how to get this thing off. He smiled at her and took it off with a few movements. Robin positioned it beside the drawer where he could reach it in the morning and then returned to things at hand. His stump was red and swollen and she was sure it must hurt him. Robin knew he didn’t want to be pitied so she just continued. She knew this would distract him and she wanted this as well. Slowly she stripped and sat naked on his lap again. 

“You are so beautiful”,  Cormoran mumbled while his eyes wandered over her body. “You sure you want this?”

“I do and I know you do too. We’ll be  careful though.”

He nodded and she urged him to get further up the bed. He obeyed and left her in control. Robin once more sat on him while he leaned against the headboard in some comfortable pillows, watching the young woman. Her hips slowly moved and he closed his eyes for a moment. Soft lips met his once more and she got rid of his pants as well. He was hard. She was efficiently and he was close quite quickly. His hands found hers and stopped Robin for a moment before their eyes met and he pulled her on him, teasing her as well. Oh gosh, he was so good in what he did, Robin thought while his hands teased her. She was close but then she shoved his hands away. She wanted to give him pleasure. To make this about him. More kisses where exchanged while she rummaged in the drawer of the nightstand. When she found what she had, things went very quick. She rolled the condom on and let herself glide on him. It was bit painful due to the angle but she ignored it. He moaned once again, breathing heavily then she started moving.  Cormoran’s rough big hands rested on her hips and then moved to her tights. Hers where on his chest and she leaned closer to kiss him again. A moan escaped Robin when she shifted with this movement and he hit that special spot inside of her. Oh god... She breathed heavily and closed her eyes for a moment.  Cormoran tried not to think. Think about his leg, about their situation. He just let his feelings wash over him. Her hands on  his , his lust inside him. Robin was getting better at this and it was a first, her taking the lead. He looked at her. Cheeks blushed, hair messy, pupils dilated, heavily breathing. She was beautiful.  Cormoran let a hand slide over her cheek and put some hair behind her ear so he can see her better. She softly moved and he lost track again of what he wanted to do or say. Robin leaned closer and kissed him again while she moved. Slowly. She wanted to last this as long as she could. Slowly and passionately they loved each other. He looked at her as often as he could, touching her, kissing her... 

“I love you”, she mumbled and kissed him once again before she sped up her movements a bit. 

He could feel that she was close. Robin needed some  hold, so she placed one hand on the headboard while the other rested on his chest by his heart.  Cormoran’s fingers found her lap and she moaned lustful. It was sexy and not like she usually was. Yet he had felt that Robin lost her control now and then when they were in bed and it felt good to see her like this. Driven only by her feelings and not caring about if this was right or decent. Her legs started trembling, she lost her rhythm and finally came with a loud moan and a small cry of his name.  Cormoran held her and found release a few trusts after as well. Robin lost the world around her and found herself a few minutes afterwards, lying on his chest, breathing heavily, nose buried inside his neck. He was heavily breathing as well and just held her. Wow, she thought. 

“That was pretty unexpected”, he said still heavily breathing and she laughed.

Robin sat up and moved off of him. She felt sore and suppressed a small moan when she rolled over and beside him.  Cormoran got rid of the condom and pulled her closer. He had completely forgotten about his leg. He pulled a blanket over her since it was getting cold and pulled her in for a long kiss. She had wanted to show him that things were still the same even after his accident and Robin was pretty sure that she had managed. 

“How are you feeling?”, she carefully asked.

“Tired”, he  confessed, and she laughed before she kissed him again. “I could get used to this”, he mumbled and kissed her back, pulling her closer, his hands slowly moving over her naked body.

Robin smiled and soon was distracted by his hands again. But they got interrupted by the doorbell ringing.


	17. Chapter 17

“Who’s that?”, he asked confused and looked at the watch that showed 8pm.

“Oh bugger! I guess that’s my fault. I forgot to cancel dinner.”

“Dinner?”, he asked while Robin already was out of the bed and getting dressed. 

“Dinner with Ilsa and Nick”, she explained while slipping in her dress. “They wanted to see you.”

“Alright”, he said and watched her shamelessly while she dressed.

“Get up”, she said and playfully tossed a pillow at him before she hurried outside since it was ringing again. “Coming!”, he heard her shout in the hallway and smiled. 

He wasn’t really in the mood to see his friends. He would have rather stayed in bed with her but then he was grateful that they were coming so he got up and dressed as well.

“Are we interrupting something?”, Ilsa asked when Robin hurriedly opened the door, her hair a mess, her cheeks still  reddened . 

“Oh no, it’s fine. Come on in!”, she lied and heavily blushed. 

“Where’s Corm?”, the other women asked again.

“He’ll be there in a minute”, Robin promised and got them to the  kitchen, and they opened the bottle of wine Nick had handed her.

“You forgot”, Ilsa asked while Nick hung up their coats.

Robin nodded and blushed some more when  Cormoran stepped out of their bedroom, greeting his friends as well. He limped more than before and she shot him a worried look but he just smiled and kissed Isla on the cheek and shook hands with his best mate. 

“What about a quick pasta?”, Robin asked and everyone agreed while Ilsa prepared to help her.

The two men retired to the sofa and had a beer while the two women chatted in the kitchen area and prepared dinner. 

“ So things are good between you two?”, Ilsa asked quietly while they chopped the chicken and vegetable. 

“Yes”, Robin mumbled and blushed. 

“We did interrupt something, didn’t we?”

“Yes but... we were finished already.”

Ilsa giggled and Robin blushed and then giggled as well. 

“He’s better?”

“I hope so. I can’t really tell”, Robin confessed. “He’s quite calm but has heavily mood swings. I’m worried about him. He’s quite sad he lost his job.”

“But he still loves you.”

“Yes”, Robin smiled and looked to the two men on the sofa.

“How are you  Oggy ?”, Nick asked after a while of catching up on football and how Nick and Ilsa were.

“I’m good.”

“Any idea what to do now?”

“Not really. Not at the moment.”

“Back to uni?”

“No... My times at  university are over. I’m too old. I need to get some money to build something with Robin.”

“Is that what you want?”

“Yes. I love her Nick.”

Nick smiled knowingly and looked at Robin.

“ So you two...”, he said and made a meaningful gesture. 

“Yes”,  Cormoran admitted calmly. “I just wanted to continue, but then an annoying doctor and his girlfriend showed up”, he joked and Nick laughed. 

“Sorry about that mate”, his friend laughed and they had another beer Nick grabbed from the fridge.

Meanwhile  Cormoran watched Robin. She looked beautiful and he let his thoughts slide for a moment. She was still here and so different than Charlotte. Yet her visit still lingered in his thoughts. Why had she been there? Why had she showed up after all this time?

“You ok mate?”, Nick asked when he saw how deep in his  thoughts he was.

“Yeah... Just thought about something.” Nick waited patiently for  Cormoran to speak. “Charlotte”, he just said.

“Charlotte? What about her?”

“She was in the hospital.”

“And now you start thinking of her again? Oggy please...”

“I don’t. Not in that way anyway. I just was wondering why she was there?”

“Probably doing no good”, Nick grumbled before he had another sip of beer.

“Why are you reacting like that?”,  Cormoran asked.

“You have such a lovely girl by your side. She’s kind, intelligent, beautiful and loves you and you are thinking about your ex. Mate you clearly lost your mind...”

Cormoran didn’t know what to say and stayed silent. He knew his friend was right. He had relapsed before, headed back to her. But now he had Robin. This was different. Things between them were good, he loved her and he was sure that all would be well between them.

They had dinner half an hour later and talked for a while before Ilsa and Nick left the two again late that night. Robin cleaned up the kitchen and Strike helped her as best as he could.

“Get some rest”, she said when he saw his limp again. “I’ll clean up.”

She quickly kissed him and he obeyed and limped to the bathroom. Everything hurt and he was happy to finally have some time alone. He took a long shower and bandaged his stump after putting on some special cream that should help the healing. He dressed in an old t-shirt and some pants, took his crotches and limped to their bedroom. Robin was still in the kitchen. She had realised that he had been absent with his thoughts and decided to leave him alone.  So she took more time than she needed and emptied the bottle of wine before she joined him. Strike was already in bed and half asleep when she stepped inside. Quietly Robin slipped out of her dress and into a knee-long white lace nightgown. She quietly rolled over and put the blanket over herself while resting her head against his chest. A few minutes later she was asleep. Yet, Strike was still awake. Why had Charlotte been to the hospital? He stood up and quietly headed to the living room to get a drink. Sleeping was impossible these days since nightmares kept him awake so he mostly sat there awake and let his thoughts slide. He was tired and exhausted. It was past 3am when he heard Robin wake and saying his name. A minute later she stepped out of the bedroom and saw him in the dim light of the lamp of the living room. 

“Why are you up?”, she asked and stepped closer. 

“Can’t sleep”, he said and emptied his drink. 

She knew it was more but she didn’t ask. Quietly the young woman stepped beside him and he pulled her on his lap and shoved a curl of hair out of her face and let his hand rest on her cheek. Then he kissed her. Unexpectedly and soft. She could feel the sadness in his kiss and startled. 

“You sure you’re okay?”, Robin mumbled and let her hand rest on his cheek while she scrutinized him softly.

“I am when I’m with you.”

She kissed him again and he already shoved her nightgown up. Robin held his hands. 

“You need some rest”, she said. 

“After...”, he mumbled and she let him proceed, knowing that it was what he needed. 

His hands shoved the fabric over her head and she sat naked on him. His eyes wandered over her like usual. His hands followed his eyes. They made love right there on the couch.

The days passed and Robin got ready for her new job. Meanwhile Strike tried to sort out how to go on with his life. What he could do with his career. One day he was alone in the flat, the bell rang and someone from his past stood in front of the door.

“Shanker!”, he said surprised and looked at the dirty looking figure in front of him. 

“Bunsen!”, his friend said happily and they hugged quickly before he let his old friend in. “How are you?”

“I’m doing okay”, Strike simply said, fully knowing that his friend was truly concerned even though he never really showed him. “Drink?”, Strike asked and Shanker nodded. 

He quickly locked around and sat at the table. Strike limped to his friend, handed him a drink and then sat beside him.

“Nice place you got here. How are you doing? Heard you got kicked out mate.”

“I did. Lost half of my leg as well.”

“Fuck”, Shanker said and emptied his drink. “What are you up to now?”

“Don’t know to be honest”, Strike answered, emptying his  glass of Whiskey as well. 

“Tell me more about what happened. We haven’t seen each other for quite some time Bunsen.”

And  so they sat together, talked about the last years they haven’t seen each other and about how to go on. It was late and they had emptied the bottle long ago and opened another when Robin got home from her first day at the job. She was surprised to find him drunk with another man. She had never seen him before. He looked dirty and dangerous.

“Cormoran?”, she asked. “What is going on here?”

“This is my friend... Shanker”, he mumbled drunkenly. 

“ T’is your girl?”, Shanker asked and stood up. “Nice to  met ya ”, he said drunk and hugged her. 

Robin was surprised that  Cormoran had such friends. 

“Guess  ya bett’r leave now”, Bunsen then said to him and Shanker nodded. 

“Better do.  G’night Robin”, he kissed her on the cheek and then left their flat. 

Cormoran grinned and looked at Robin. She seemed to be angry yet she looked beautiful.

“You look very beautiful”, he said and smiled drunkenly. 

“And you are drunk.”

“A bit”, he confessed and giggled.

She shook her head and headed to change into something comfortable for home. She heard the chair on the floor moving, then glasses putting together, some mumbling and then he was here. Robin had just changed and turned to him now. He leaned against the doorframe and looked at her. Her hair was still done up, her make-up decent and she wore some jogging pants and a t-shirt. She crossed her arms and looked at him.

“Why’r you t’is angry?”, he asked.

“It’s not even 7pm yet and you are drunk. With some strange guy in our flat. I thought you wanted to get things going to find a job.

“I did...”, he said. “An’ Shanker’s not just some strange guy. He’s a dear ol’ friend.”

“He looks dangerous”, she said. 

“He’s not”, Strike lied, fully knowing what he was capable.

“I’m sorry. I don’t want to fight with you. I’m just exhausted.”

“How was your firs’ day?”, he asked.

“Long”, Robin said simply and then headed to the kitchen to grab something to drink.

She didn’t want to talk about it. Didn’t want to tell him that Matthew had showed up and made a scene in front of their flat earlier. This was the reason she also was this angry. Not really because of him, because of Matthew. Her mum had also called to ask how things were and she had lied. Lied because she didn’t want her parents to know about Strike. About their current situation. All the stress of today was making her angry, not Cormoran. Even though she was displeased about him being drunk this early. He made his way to her and slowly hugged her from behind, kissing her neck.

“’m sorry”, he mumbled. “I  havn’t seen ‘ im for a while”, he said still fighting with his accent and to bring out the right words. “He’s a good man. He likes yo’..”

“I’m sorry. I’m not angry at you. All this was a bit much. The new job and everything.”

“I  kn’w you  are.. An’ it’s okay... You  wanna tell me?”

Robin shook her head. She couldn’t. It was hard for him as it was already. Telling him about her ex lurking here and her parents asking questions wouldn’t help with the situation at all so she stayed silent. They had dinner and went to bed early. Things stayed calm and normal and Strike followed his plan of what to do next. He was a good detective. Always had been during his time in the SIB and so he had decided to open up an agency. Private Investigator. Didn’t sound too bad and he was sure he had a chance.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello y'all!   
> I'm sorry it's been so long without updates on my stuff. Was so busy the last time or without inspiration. Life goes on here, still a bit the same like usual with lots to do and a crappy boss.   
> I hope you're all doing fine, are healthy and have a "good" lockdown and are not bored to death.
> 
> Small chapter this time but for a big step in the storyline. So "enjoy", and I'm sorry in advance.
> 
> love, stay safe Y.
> 
> //TW rape, sexual abuse

_ Two month later _

Cormoran had officially opened his business a few days ago. Small office in London, Denmark Street, on the first floor. He liked the neighbourhood and the rent wasn’t too expensive. Robin had promised to support him but only with her money, they had no chance.  So he had  gone and seen his father instead. Good old Johnny Rokeby. He had hesitated to do it, but Robin had urged him to seek out the contact and the Rockstar had finally agreed to lend him a bit of money. Only as loan of course and he would pay him back when things would work and he had some clients. He knew it wasn’t easy, he knew that he wouldn’t get enough money the first time but it was what he was good at. 

It was late and he was still in London when someone knocked at the door. A soft and hesitant knock.

“Come on in!”, he shouted from the inner office and stood up to greet the visitor when he stopped dead in track.

“Hello Bluey”, she said and there she was. 

The woman he had once loved. His weakness. Dressed in a tight black dress, an elegant and expensive looking coat and high boots. She looked stunning like usual. 

“What are you doing here?”, he asked while she closed the door and looked around. 

“I wanted to see you. Interesting choice of job”, she said and gestured to the door that had a glass window with the inscription  _ C.B. Strike – Private Investigator _ .

“What do you want Charlotte?”, he once more asked.

“I told you, I came to see you. I heard you got discharged because of some injury. Why didn’t you tell me?”, she asked in quite a faked hurt tone.

“It’s none of your business”,  Cormoran answered calmly and tried to control his emotions instead.

“Oh Bluey... I still miss you. Can’t you see? We  belong together. Even after all this...”

She stepped closer and put a hand on his chest. The smell of her familiar perfume lingered in the air and made him dizzy. She knew exactly what she was doing.

“Come back to me, please.”

“No”, he mumbled while Charlotte caressed his cheek. 

“Why? You’re still angry at me?”

“A bit”, he said. “But that’s not the point. I don’t love you anymore, I told you before. I love someone else. I don’t need you anymore.”

“You mean that clumsy, thick, redhead, working in HR? She’s not right for you.”

“How dare you say this?”, he grumbled. “She  truly cares for me.”

“But I do too”, Charlotte mumbled and pressed her lips on his. “Come on. One last time?”

She pulled him closer and sat on the empty desk. Her hands fumbled at his shirt, while she slung her legs around  him, holding Strike close.

“Charlotte...”, he breathed when she left his lips for a moment.

“Tell me you love me.”

Her lips where on his again. Her hands on his crotch, expertly fingers massaging him through the fabric. He supressed a moan and grabbed her wrists. He was angry and hard. Shit...

“Fuck me”, she mumbled directly. “I know you want to.”

He did. He knew he was weak. Fuck! With a last kiss he finally managed to shove her away. 

“Get out!”, he grumbled. “I don’t want to ever see you again!”

Hurt and angry she stormed outside a minute later, and the nightmare was over. Fuck, how could he have been so stupid! Angry, he shut off the light, closed the office and headed home to Robin. They soon would move here, to London. Her company was moving as well, and things would be easier than the regular travels by train now. He still couldn’t drive, and his therapist had said it might take some time until he could again. Meanwhile he was stuck with all the other workers travelling home on a daily basis. It was late when he got home and their flat was still dark. He turned on the light, surprised that Robin was not home, and headed to the kitchen.

“Robin?”, he asked into the silence of their flat and then he heard her. “Robin?”, he once more asked after following the sound to their bedroom. 

He turned on the light an then he saw her. Wrapped in a blanket, on their bed, sobbing and struggling for air. What was going on? He hurried to her side.

“Robin! What’s going on? Are you okay?”, he asked and touched her but she recoiled at his touch, crying even more. “Please, talk to me”, he said again and stayed where he was, just looking at her. 

Only now  Cormoran saw that her dress was partly ripped, dirty and she had blood on her knees and face. What had happened? He crotched down by the bed and waited, even though his leg started hurting terribly after a while. 

“What’s going on Robin?” She stayed silent and he tried to be patient. “Please talk to me love.”

She didn’t, just cried and he did not dare to touch her once more. He had an idea what had happened. He had seen these reactions before on some cases and he tried not to think of it, or he would lose it. Instead Strike went out, called an ambulance and the police who arrived shortly. Quickly he briefed in the young officer who thankfully was a woman, and her partner while the paramedics stepped to Robin in the bedroom.

“I don’t know what happened", he said to the officers. “I found her like this. I have a  suspicion, but I pray that I'm wrong”, he said while remembering her reaction to his touch. 

“Did you touch anything?”, the police officer said, while the young woman headed to the bedroom as well. 

“Just the blanket over her shoulder for a moment.”

The officer nodded and followed his colleague, so did Strike. The other woman quietly talked to Robin who calmed down a bit and then nodded. Stiff she got up and the paramedics helped her outside and down to the ambulance. She didn’t even look at him and no one dared to touch her, except the young woman.

“She’ll need some time. We’ll get her to hospital and then I’ll try and talk to her about what had happened. I’ll inform you about any changes”, the young woman  said and then hurried after Robin.

Strike didn’t know what to say. This could never happen. Not his Robin. Mentally exhausted from the events of today, he followed the police and the officer drove him to hospital where he waited for the next hours. Sitting on a cheap plastic stool in one of the long, white corridors, the smell of disinfectant and cheap coffee lingered in the  stale air. He tossed the small plastic cup with coffee away after he had got one because it tasted disgusting. After a while he impatiently started walking around even though his leg hurt. What took them so long? What was going on? It was early the next morning when finally, a Doctor stepped to him.

“Mr Strike?” Immediately he was up and looked at the other woman. “You called an ambulance for Miss Ellacott?”

“I did”, he confirmed. “How is she?”

“She’s sleeping now. We got her a mild sedative to calm down.”

“And else?” She looked at him what he meant and then he quickly explained. “I dealt with some of these cases during my time at the army. Sexual assault”, he clarified on her asking look.

“Oh, alright. Well we took some forensic material, checked on her healt and documented every injury she had. She told us that you didn’t had any sexual contract in the last 24 hours, is that correct?” He nodded and the young woman made a note in Robin’s file. “She was very worried about getting pregnant, so we gave her an Emergency Contraceptive Pill, we still have to check on that in a few days though. No sign of any infections or anything. She had some scratches, a heavy nosebleed and a lot of bruises and some injury from falling on the concrete. Otherwise she’s well.”

“Thank god”, he mumbled a bit more relaxed now. “Can I see her?”

“Sure”, the woman said and guided him down the corridor to a small and private room. 

There was only a small light above the bed and she looked pale. Robin was sleeping and so he sat beside the bed and waited again. Oh god... Why did this happen to her? Carefully he took her small hand in his and mumbled her name.

“I’m so sorry Robin... I should have  bee n there. I should have protected you...” 

He kissed her hand. Strike stayed the whole day until she woke late in the morning from her meds and looked around. She was a bit dizzy and confused but also nervous. 

“Hi”, he said softly and waited until she would say something.

Robin just looked at him for a moment, before she turned away and pulled the blanked closer around her body. Why was he here? What did he know?

“How are you?”,  Cormoran asked her carefully yet she once more stayed silent.

He  di d not dare to touch her or say more, so he waited once again patiently. He knew from experiences that some victims started talking, they just needed time.

Their silence was interrupted by the doctor arriving and so Strike left without hesitation. She needed her privacy and he would give it to her. 

“How are you?”, the young doctor asked her and sat beside the bed, a file in her hands.

“I feel... dirty. Sore... Everything hurts”, Robin admitted quietly after a while of silence.

The Doctor once more looked over her injuries and told her that all would be fine, she just needed time to heal. 

“We have stored your clothes for forensic evidence just as you asked. We’ll provide you with some clothes and you can take a shower if you want. We got all we need.” She nodded. “Is there anything else? Are you hurt somewhere else or want to talk about something?”

“No... Thanks.”

The other woman smiled at Robin softly and with understanding eyes and then took her hand for a moment. 

“You’re  allowed to go home if you feel fit enough.”

“Thank you.”

The Doctor left and Robin was alone again. The memories of what had happened the night before were still present. She felt the man’s hands on her. His smell lingered in the air. His harsh breathing by her ear. He had hit her and held her down. Ripped her dress, her panties. He had smelled of alcohol, cigarettes, sweat and something different... Something familiar. Robin couldn’t think of what it was and tried not to think about all this too much. She cried and put the blanket more around herself. She knew that  Cormoran knew. She had seen it in his eyes. Pitiful, afraid... Why her? She had no clue why her. Like usual she had left the office, headed to the campus and had gotten some books and stuff from their lectures. Then she had made her way home. It wasn’t far and she was using her usual shortcut through the park. It had happened there. At the end of the park before she took another turn in a dimly lit street near their home. She had felt watched and yet there had been no one. It was late and she had to hurry if she wanted to be at their flat before  Cormoran would get home from work. She had stopped by some grocery store and had a small bag with food as well when there was a shadow that did catch her off guard and pulled her to the ground with full force. She stumbled and hit the ground hard. Her purse, food and documents spilled all around her when she lay there quite dizzy. It was dark and Robin had no idea what was going on when the silhouette was over her, pressing her down with all his weight. He had leaned down and had talked through a mask.

“Don’t scream or move”, he had ordered in a dark unfamiliar voice. 

Robin had struggled, scratched and kicked around her and yet he was too  strong and he held her perfectly in place after a few moments. She couldn’t scream since he had shoved a dirty looking cloth in her mouth. A simple gag while his rude hands ripped her dress and then he started touching her. Kissing over her skin, her breasts, down to her lap. He had been quick, rough and she had only wished that it would stop. The pain, the feeling of being trash, his hands on her... She suddenly felt sick and shaky. Robin got out of bed, stumbled into the small bathroom and just in time, made it to the toilette before she threw up. When her stomach was empty, she decided to shower. Naked she slipped underneath the water and cleaned herself up. The feeling wouldn’t go away... She tried and rubbed and used more  soap, but it stayed... Crying she broke down and sat under the hot water until it got cold.


	19. Chapter 19

Cormoran was worried. The doctor had been long gone and yet Robin hadn’t  come out. The doctor had told him to give his girlfriend more privacy since she wanted to clean up and then she was free to go if she decided to. About an hour has passed and she was still not there. Something was wrong. With an uneasy feeling he knocked and stepped into the room Robin was in.

“Robin?”, he asked calmly and looked around the room but there was nothing suspicious. 

He knocked at the bathroom door that was slightly ajar since he could hear water running.

“Can I come in?”, he asked and  opened the door when no one answered.

He was worried. He had seen lots of ways to cope after this during his time at the army. He was worried that Robin would have taken a different one than he had expected. Relived he let out the breath he was holding when he found her naked and crying in the shower under the now cold water.

“Jeez Robin! You’ll catch your death with this”, he said and stepped closer, turning the water off and getting a towel. “Please, come out and get dried up. You’ll catch a cold”, he said softly and touched her arm but she once more moved away and cried even more.

Shit! He shouldn’t be here. Robin listened to his soft talking and after a while she felt calmer and looked up. He smiled softly and concerned at her and held the towel up.

“Please?”

She nodded and got up quite stiffly and sore. It didn’t escape his notice. She wrapped herself into the soft towel but he didn’t dare to touch her.

“I’ll get you some clothes”, he mumbled and left again. 

Cormoran was angry. He would get this fucker who had done this to his girl. He would find him and then God have mercy on him because he would not. A nurse gave him some clothes, then he returned to Robin. She sat on the bed, staring down at her hands.

“Robin...”, he stepped closer and put the clothes beside her. “I got you something to wear. Do you need any help? I could call a nurse?” She shook her head. “Okay... I’ll give you some privacy. I’ll be right outside if you need me.”

He cared so much, Robin thought while she started to dress slowly. Everything hurt. He had got her some underwear, black linen trousers and a light pullover. Robin felt comfortable in those clothes and shut off from everyone’s looks. Slowly she slipped into the shoes and headed outside to  Cormoran . He was waiting on a tiny and uncomfortable looking plastic chair opposite her door. He looked at her when she stepped out.

“Shall I bring you home?”

“Yes please.”

Her voice was quiet and he could hear the insecurity in it. He handed her his jacket she pulled around her shoulders and guided her outside to a cab. Strike stood close, but didn’t dare touch her and Robin was thankful for it. She stayed silent until they got home. 

“Do you need anything? Do you want something to drink or to eat?”, he asked while she sat on the sofa, wrapping herself in another blanket.

“No thank you.”

Strike crouched down beside her. 

“I’m here if you need anything, okay?”

She nodded and then he left to the balcony to smoke. Fuck... First his leg, now this. While lighting up his second cigarette, he called Hardy.

“Oggy?”, he asked when he picked up.

“I’m sorry to disturb you, but I need a favour.”

“What favour? What’s wrong? You sound odd.”

“Something happened to Robin. She... She was raped last night.” The line went deadly silent for a moment before he could hear Hardy’s soft curse at the other end. “I need to look into the police file. I’ve to find some evidence and the fucker who did this.”

“I’m not sure I can do this but I’ll try”, Hardacre promised. “How is she doing?”

“The usual reactions”, he just said and his friend knew exactly what he meant.

“I’ll  call when I’ve more information  Oggy .”

“Thanks mate.”

He hung up and then returned inside since it had started to rain. Robin was gone and he could see that the door to their bedroom was open. She had probably lay down,  Cormoran thought an let her be. She needed rest and he needed a drink after  these events.


	20. Chapter 20

He did sleep on the sofa for the next weeks and tried to stay away and get the office started. Strike knew Robin simply needed time to heal. After three weeks she went back to work. No one asked what had happened because everyone knew from the papers and the rumours at university. Her bosses let her be and got her a secretary to fulfil her tasks. They were decent and gave her some time and Robin was thankful for it, yet the young woman didn’t like to be treated as if she would break every moment. She knew she would make it like before when there were problems. But still she felt different. It was a calm day at work and she was thankful for it and her secretary. Her bosses were very nice and understanding yet she did the job she was supposed to do. After she had her first lesson at university in over three weeks. It was late when she left work and she arrived just in time at the campus. Robin stayed for herself since she was late and her friends from her earlier classes where sitting way down in the auditorium. She didn’t want to disturb class so she slipped in a seat behind and listened carefully.

Past 10pm - it was already dark and cold outside since it had been a rainy day – Robin left the building. She hesitated to go home even if it wasn’t far. She got nervous and was near a panic attack.

“Hello Robin”, his soft voice said a few metres away in the dark and then she could see him.

“Cormoran!”

He could hear the relief in her voice and smiled a bit before he tossed his cigarette stump away. 

“I thought picking you up would be a good idea because you might not want to go home alone.”

He stepped a bit closer but still let her space. 

“It wouldn’t have been necessary”, she lied and he just smiled, fully knowing it.

“Come on. Let’s go home.”

He stretched out his hand and she took it. It was the first physical contact between them in weeks and he was happy about the first step made. 

“How was your day?”, he asked while they made their way home. 

Robin told him and he could feel that she was calmer than before. They made their way home and had a calm dinner. 

“I want to show you something”, he said and stood up before he handed her an envelope with some exposés for some flats in London. “I got these while you were busy. I know your company moves soon and we need somewhere to stay.”

She was surprised that he had organised  everything, since  she wasn’t able to deal with these things lately. She smiled and looked through the file. He sat by her side and waited.

“These are lovely. When can we see them?”

“Well it’s Saturday tomorrow and despite one or two hearings in the morning, you’re free. We can go and see them tomorrow if you like”, he  offered and she nodded.

“That would be lovely.”

She leaned herself against his shoulder and he carefully took an arm around her. She once more looked through the pics of the flats.

“I like this one”, she said and showed him a picture of a tiny attic flat. It had one bathroom, one bedroom and the kitchen and living room where together in one room.

It was very tiny and very cheap. But it also looked quite comfortable and they would be able to afford it.

“Are you sure?”, he asked. 

“I am. It’s affordable and tiny but it looks nice and comfortable if we renovate it a bit. Where is it?”

“That’s actually the small flat above my office”, he said. “I wasn’t sure you’d like it compared to the others.”

“I do.  Plus, as I said we also have to look for the money.”

“I love you, have I mentioned it?”

“You did”, she giggled a bit and he carefully kissed her on the cheek. “Can we look at it tomorrow?”

“We will”, he promised and just held her. “Off to bed now. We have to get up early.”

He helped her up and then they both made their way to bed. It was late  already, and he could see that Robin was tired. He knew that she had nightmares, he woke her every night because of them. Robin went to the bathroom first while he called Hardy. He had told him it would take time to find something out and so he had waited. But a text of his old friend had told him that they were a bit further in the investigations. He stepped outside on the balcony to smoke while he made the call.

“Hardacre”, his friend picked up.

“Hi, it’s Strike. Any news?”

“Yes. We finally got the file and the progress on the case. I send everything to your e-mail account. I hope it helps.”

“Thanks Hardy, I owe you.”

Quickly he ended the phone call when Robin stepped into the room, wrapped in a towel, hurrying to her bedroom to get dressed. She still felt uncomfortable and he knew  it, so he gave her as much space and privacy as she needed. She dressed into some pyjamas and returned to him while he poured himself a drink and fired up his laptop to look at the file Hardy had sent him. 

“Working late?”, she asked when she saw it.

“Yes. New case”, he lied. 

“Well don’t work too late”, Robin said and kissed him on the cheek before she left him again and went to bed.

He sat his face to the bedroom so he could see if she should come out again. He didn’t want her to find out that he investigated her case. That he tried to find the one responsible. After his second drink, he started and looked at the police file. There were the usual photos of the crime scene, of the injuries Robin had. A medical report and her witness statement. It was exactly like she had told him. She went home, groceries in hand when someone pulled her down, hand over her mouth and had taken control and raped her. Reading it again how things had happened, he got angry. She also told the police about something familiar about the rapist. A scent she knew but couldn’t put her finger on it. How was that possible? He had to ask her about it. There was no physical evidence, no DNA, nothing. The one who had done this, had planned this very carefully. But who would have known that Robin would be there that night?  At this time ? Going home alone? Only one who knew them. There were her friends and no one else. Matthew maybe? Well he wasn’t even sure if her ex knew where they had moved to. But from all the people he knew from her side, Matthew was the only one who Strike would have thought capable of doing something like this out of revenge. But there was another thought that slipped into his mind. There was another person who he thought was capable of planning something like this. Was that the reason she had shown up in his office that night? He had to check so he called Shanker and told him his theory. 

“I’ll look into it”, Shanker said and after a while they hung up and he got himself another drink.

Then he heard her. Shout, scream. Immediately he was up  and, in their  bedroom , turning on the light and trying to wake her. After a few moments, he manged.

“Robin, look at me. It’s all good, you’re home. No one’s here”, he mumbled when she looked around still confused and anxious.

Her eyes rested on him and she hugged him, crying. He just held her and reassured her that he was here, that no one could harm her. After a while she calmed down.

“Try to get back to sleep love. I’m here. No one can harm you.”

He stood up, his leg hurt and wanted to leave to do some more research, when she grabbed his hand and looked at him.

“Please stay.”

He nodded and got on his side of the bed where he got out of his clothes and the prothesis  before he slipped under the covers, pulling her close and held her. She let him and soon fell asleep again.


	21. Chapter 21

Robin was nervous. Until now she didn’t have any time to look how his office had turned out. They were on their way from the train station to Denmark Street. Robin was dressed in some jeans and a light pullover under her coat. He held her hand while he guided her the tube station upstairs and the few streets to his office. Curiously she looked around. She had never been in that part of the city before, but she liked it. He started chatting about the street and told her about all the famous bands and  musicians that had come here. 

“Number six is right up there”, he said excited. “Did you know that the Sex Pistols recorded in number six?”

“No.” She smiled at his enthusiasm and excitement and he pulled her to the entrance a bit quicker. “Cormoran not so fast”, she laughed, and it was the first time in weeks he heard her laugh.

“Sorry”, he said and slowed down, smiling like a little boy.

When they reached it, she looked around once more while he opened the front door. There was a guitar shop in the basement and a jazz club a door further down the street. He opened the door and took her hand again while guiding her upstairs. He  manoeuvred her to first floor where the office was located and proudly shoved her inside. It wasn’t big but it was enough. She had registered the writing on the glass. There was a comfortable big leather sofa on the right. A desk when you got in and some shelves. There also was as small kitchenette in the front office. There was a second room on the left hand with a much bigger desk, more shelves. She liked it.

“What do you think?”, he  asked, the nervousness clearly visible in his voice.

“I like it. But I do have a question.” He looked asking at her and waited. “What does the B stand for in your name on the door?”

“Blue.”

“Blue?”

He nodded and she looked up at him, waiting for an explanation as it  seems . He pulled her into his arms and started with his explanation.

“ Cormoran Blue Strike. My mum thought of it. She was a huge fan of Blue Oyster Cult.”

Robin giggled and looked up at him. 

“I like it.”

“Now, I’ll show you the flat upstairs.”

He took her hand and guided her a small stairwell upstairs to the only attic flat. It was small but Robin liked it. The main room was the kitchen and the living room area in one. There were old wooden pillars and it was small yet comfortable.  Cormoran waited and just watched her. He had seen the flat before and wasn’t sure if she would like it, so he just waited. Robin went through the room and looked at it. There was a door to the bathroom, and she inspected it. It was small but had a tiny window that let in some light. There was only a shower, but it was clean. She stepped outside again and to the other door that led her into the bedroom. This was – beside the living room and kitchen area - the biggest room. There was a build in closet that would easily fit all their clothes, another wooden pillar and an old rocking chair. Yes, Robin liked it and it would be enough for them now until they had saved some money and maybe they could afford a small house then. Yes, she could imagine this. They just had to do a bit of renovations but otherwise this would be fine. She returned and could see his worried face.

“What do you think?”

“Needs a bit of paint but otherwise I like it.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Well then let’s do this”, he smiled now and was happy that she was happy with this. “Shall I call the owner so we can sign the contract?”

She nodded and looked around once more. Yes, she could imagine this. While Strike phoned the building's owner, she looked around once more and he watched her. She looked beautiful. Robin saw that he watched her while she wandered around. After a few minutes he hung up and stepped to her while she was watching outside the large window down to the street. 

“Everything settled?”, she asked while he took her hand in his.

“Yes. He’ll send over the contract in a few days and we can move in as soon as your company moved as well.”

“That’s brilliant.”

“Meanwhile he said I can keep the keys so we could start with the renovations.”

“Thank you Cormoran.”

“For what?” 

“For organising everything while I couldn’t.”

“You needed to get better and had work. I just have the office and not really a lot to do.”

“I hope business will run soon.”

“It might take some time, but I’m sure it will. How’s therapy going?”

“I think it helps. Yours?”

“Yes, I think too. My therapist suggests that I can quit soon.”

“That’s good news.”

“Yes...”

He looked down at her and let a hand slide over her cheek. Careful.

“What is it?”

“I’d like to christen our bedroom”, he  mumbled, Robin blushed. “But given the situation it’s best if we wait.”

“I’d like to Cormoran. I really do. But I don’t think I’m ready yet.”

“As I said, it’s fine. Don’t let us rush this.” He softly kissed her and smiled down at her. “Now, what do you think of some lunch?”

“Sounds good.”

He took her hand and after closing the flat and the office, guided her to a small café a few streets away that had some fantastic lunch options.

_ 3 weeks later _

While Robin had helped to organize her companies move, Strike had organized everything for their own move. Today would be the day that the furniture company would move their stuff to Denmark Street and Robin’s company would move as well. He had closed the office and wanted to get everything done until he would pick her up tonight. It wasn’t far from her office to the flat, but he had promised since she was still insecure.

It was late when Robin texted him, that she wouldn’t be home until 8pm since they had lots to organise. Strike didn’t mind and promised to be there. Meanwhile he went grocery shopping and on a small observation. His first client. He was quite proud of it and intended to do a good job with this. At  precisely 8pm he was in front of the building and waited. Robin just picked up her bag, her files and her coat when one of her bosses stepped to her. 

“Miss Ellacott, do you have a moment?”

“Sure.”

“My brother and I wanted to thank you for all the effort and help we got from you during this move. You’ve done extraordinary work since you’re here.”

“Thank you. I’m very grateful for this job and for your help when I needed it.”

“I do hope you’re better?”

“I am”, she smiled shily. 

“Good. We’ll have a big party Friday night for our clients and to gain some more customers. You and your boyfriend are invited. We want you to make a small presentation about our company for this evening.”

“Sounds brilliant. I’m very much looking forward to it then.”

“Wonderful. Well I better let you leave now. It’s late. Goodnight Miss Ellacott.”

“Goodnight.”

The man left  her, and Robin headed downstairs to get home. Like usual  Cormoran was waiting for her and he smiled when she saw him.

“Hi”, she mumbled and kissed him.

“Hi. You look excited”, he said while taking her hand and guiding her to the tube.

“I am. My boss just talked to me and said that I did a lot of good work. We’re invited to our companies party on Friday evening and I’m supposed to make a presentation about it.”

“That’s good news. I’m happy you enjoy this job so much.”

“I am too. I’m so looking forward to this party. Will you come?”

“Sure."

“Thank you”, she squeezed his hand and half an hour later they  were home. “Oh, wow”, Robin said when she stepped inside and saw the progress their flat had made.

The flat was fully furnished. There was a huge and comfortable sofa in a corner by a bookshelf and a TV. A normal sized kitchen table with 4 chairs in the middle, the kitchen was furnished with a new  refrigerator and a shelf. There was a cosy carpet by the sofa and some flowers by the window. She loved it. 

“This is amazing  Cormoran .” 

He smiled and stepped to her. Robin hugged him and then quickly wandered off to the bathroom and bedroom to see what he had done.

“Cormoran!”, she said happily from the bedroom, while he stepped to her. “I love everything. Thank you! And you kept the rocking chair!”

She hugged him again and kissed him.

“I’m so glad. I thought getting a few new things wouldn’t be a bad idea. Also, I thought a bigger bed was in order. I always found our old one was a bit too small and short.”

“Well you are tall, so I understand. But I love the bookshelf and the small desk and all. It’s fantastic.”

“I just didn’t  have some time to unpack the boxes. But I guess that’ll have time.

“Yes, that’s not a problem. We can do it on the weekend”, she smiled.

“ So what about dinner? I can cook?”

“I’m not  particularly hungry”, Robin said.

“You have to eat Robin. You lost some weight again.”

“Just a bit then”, she gave in and wondered how he knew. “I’ll have a quick shower in our new bathroom.”

He smiled and kissed her softly while she grabbed some clothes from the suitcase and headed to take a shower. They had completely renovated the bathroom with a new huge shower, new toilette and build in shelf for their things. Robin loved it. She had a long relaxing shower while  Cormoran prepared some food. When she returned, she wore some yoga pants, a top and her hair was still wet.

“Something smells fantastic.”

“Some quick pasta.”

She kissed him on the cheek and got herself a glass of wine before sitting on the comfortable sofa. 

“Oh my god”, she half moaned. “This is fantastic.”

He laughed while a minute later their dinner was finished, and he handed her a bowl of pasta while sitting by her side. 

Hungrily she ate while he told her about his first case, and she told him about her day at the office. After she leaned back, having a second glass of wine, Robin finally started to relax while he watched her, scribbling something in a notebook. This was the first time she felt relaxed since the incident in the park. Matthew couldn’t find them here and she was grateful for it. He felt the change and was happy that she apparently felt better again. He was still waiting on any news from Shanker, but nothing so far. 

“We should get to bed, it’s late”,  Cormoran said when he realised that she nearly fell asleep over a file she was reading.

He got the paper from her and then carried her in his arms to the bedroom. She smiled sleepily at him and rested her head against his chest. He put her down and pulled the covers over her before he kissed her on the cheek.

“Goodnight Robin.”

“Night  Cormoran ”, she mumbled and was soon asleep. 

Strike slipped into the bathroom to get ready and then joined her in their new comfortable bed. Both slept quiet that night and without nightmares. 


	22. Chapter 22

Friday, he could feel that Robin was excited. She already was in the morning, after waking up and he was happy that she finally seemed to get better and concentrate on her job. She rummaged in the wardrobe for a suitable dress while looking over the presentation she had made and talking about all this. Strike watched her from the bed, leaning against the headboard, smiling.

“I don’t have anything to wear!”, she said desperate and turned to him.

He smiled even wider before he got up, put his prothesis and a t-shirt on and vanished. Confused she waited and continued to look for something suitable to wear, when he returned with a large box. Robin looked at him.

“I think I can help with that”, Cormoran said and handed her the box.

Robin raised an eyebrow sceptically but put the box on the desk nearby and opened it. In it was a stunning green dress. In awe, Robin got it out and looked at it. It wasn’t too revealing yet was sexy and elegant. It had short sleeves, a décolleté in v-form, it was tighter around the stomach and floating down from the hips.

“Wow... But  Cormoran , this must have cost a fortune”, she mumbled still stunned. 

“Do you like it?”

“I love it”, she said and hugged him. “Thank you!”

Happy with the dress, she carefully packed it into a bag with some shoes and make-up because she had decided to change at the office. Then she dressed into some black trousers and a  navy -blue blouse and blazer. Robin was all business like, and he loved her look.

“You’re so beautiful”, he said and smiled lovingly at the woman in front of him.

Robin smiled and kissed him softly. He still was careful with his touch and  kisses, but they got more often, and Robin worked her hardest with her therapist to get back to normal so they could have a completely normal relationship again. She had a meeting with her during her lunch break and since it wasn’t far from her office, she would go there two times a week. What Robin didn’t know was, that  Cormoran also talked with his therapist about how to help her and continue what they had before that night. He too had an appointment that day.

A few minutes later she left and headed to work. Going out during the day wasn’t a problem anymore, but in the evening when it got dark. After he had kissed her goodbye, he went to take a shower and have some coffee before he made his way down to the office. 

Robin arrived in time and made her way to the small office she occupied. Like usual she was early, and her bosses haven’t even arrived yet. There were some workers here to prepare everything for tonight’s party. Robin put her bag under her desk, started her computer, opened a window to let in some fresh air and the sounds of the city underneath and started work a few minutes later. A knock at the door  startled her an hour later and it was one of her bosses. 

“Good morning Miss Ellacott”, he said and smiled at her.

“Good morning.”

“Ready for tonight?”, he asked, and she nodded while he stepped closer. putting a coffee to go in front of her. “I thought you could use the  caffeine ”, he explained on her asking look. 

“Thank you. Yes, I guess I’m ready for tonight. The presentation is good but I’m still a bit nervous.”

“ Oh I’m sure you’ll manage just fine”, he said and smiled once  more, and Robin smiled back shily. “I’ll leave you to it then.  Laters .”

“See you”, she mumbled when he left her office again. 

What was this all about? He had never gotten her coffee before. Irritated Robin tried to concentrate on her work again until she would leave for her  appointment during lunch.

“How are you feeling Cormoran?”, the young woman in front of him said and scrutinized him.

“I’m doing fine, thank you”, he said simply. 

“How was your day so far?”, she asked then, scrutinizing him carefully. 

“Calm. I’m invited to Robin’s company party tonight. She’s very excited.”

“And are you?”

“Not really”, he confessed. “I’m only going because she wants me to. I’m happy she doesn’t shove me away when it comes to her job.”

“Are you afraid she would?”

“I’m not sure. She’s been through a lot. And I don’t want to interfere in her career. I’d also never ask her to give it up for me.”

“That’s very thoughtful and modern of you.”

For a moment they both stayed silent and he sipped from his tea she had made him. It had become a routine between them, having tea during their sessions. He liked her, she never pushed him or made him talk about things that were too private for him. 

“I like her to be happy. Especially after everything that happened since we met.”

“Like your accident and hers?” He nodded. “And you’re worried she couldn’t be happy?”

“I’m not sure. I mean it’s hard being with her if she didn’t let me touch her. I try to give her  space, but I miss our.... intimacy”, he confessed. 

“What about her?”

“I talked to her about it and I guess she’s really worried that this could influence our relationship negatively.”   
“I know it must be hard, but give her the time she needs, talk openly about it and if you want, I can give you the address of a friend of mine who’s a brilliant therapist. He specializes in couples and trauma therapy.”

“Sounds good”, he agreed without thinking because he really hoped that it would help her and them. “Thank you.”

“Meanwhile try to do one step at a time. I’m sure you both find a way to get back to your old ways. It all just needs time. So needed the thing with your leg. You thought you couldn’t go on after your accident and see how far you’ve come. Robin is still with you, you opened the office, you two moved to London and are building up a life together.”

He knew that she was right. Still it was hard. He missed his job. Being able to fully function. The training. Not waking up due to nightmares and pain. They talked about Robin and he left in time to get changed, pick her up from her office and for the party.

He walked upstairs and managed to get past security – they weren’t very good at all – to her office. He knocked and Robin  opened . Surprised she looked at him.

“Cormoran. You’re early.”

“Can I come in?”

She nodded and let him in before she once more closed the door and locked it. He had never been in here. It was a small but very lovely office. High shelves for the stuff she would need, tiny sofa by the window. Huge desk and working space for her. He liked it. 

“It’s nice”, he said. “I hope I didn’t disturb you?”

“Oh no”, she said and smiled. “I just wanted to get changed.”

“Oh... Sorry”, he said and turned around so she would have some privacy. 

He wanted to see her, he craved to see her like this, but he gave her some privacy, since she was still a bit shy after everything... 

Robin quickly changed into the stunning green dress Cormoran had brought her. 

“Could you help me with this?”, she asked and turned her back to him.

Cormoran turned around at her request and zipped her up before she turned around. Wow.... She looked stunning. 

“You are so beautiful”, he said stunned and smiled softly while scrutinizing her. 

The shop assistant had been right, he thought. This was the perfect size for her. It fitted like a second skin and didn’t look cheap, but extremely sexy. The green suited her very well and was a perfect contrast to her strawberry blonde hair and white porcelain like skin. She blushed under his stare and then turned away to get her make-up done. A few minutes later she was finished, slipped into her shoes and turned once more to Cormoran who had waited patiently in front of her desk. 

“Let me say it again”, he seductively said and stepped closer, looking at her intensely and with a heated gaze. “You are gorgeous. I can’t put it into words.”

“I love the dress, it’s so beautiful Cormoran. Thank you for it.”

She softly and  chastely kissed him on the lips and smiled.

“We should probably head to the others. I’ve my presentation soon and have to make an appearance.”

“Sure.”

He offered his arm and the two of them left her office and to the other guests. Everyone stared as soon as Robin was there. Even her bosses, he realised not very pleased.

“Wow, Robin”, said the younger one of the two brothers – Robert. “You look absolutely beautiful. And I guess this is your boyfriend?”

“Thank you and yes. This is Cormoran Strike. Cormoran, this is my boss, Robert McHall.”

“Nice to meet you”, the young one said and they shook hands.

“ Likewise ”, Cormoran said and scrutinized him. 

He could see the look he had shot Robin, but now realised that he wasn’t a threat for her. He just seemed to have a slight crush, but now that the boundaries where clear, it was all fine. Strike relaxed a bit. 

“Please, have a drink, enjoy yourself. Robin, my brother will start with his speech soon and you’re on after.”

“Alright”, she said and squeezed the cards in her hand with her notes a little tighter. 

“Stop worrying. It’ll be fine”, Robert said and smiled reassuringly. 

“He’s right”, Strike said beside her after her boss was gone. “You got this.”

He squeezed her hand reassuringly and then guided her to the bar where he handed her a glass of white wine and got himself a glass of Whiskey. They watched the guests until the speech of her boss started. He was good looking, older than his brother, grey temples and charming – Cormoran realised. But there was also a ring on his finger and he didn’t seem like a threat to Strike at all. He watched as Robin walked up to her bosses, thanking them for their kind words and started with her small presentation about the company. People even laughed when she joked and there was a round of applause after she finished. He smiled at her and waited by the bar. Robin shook hands, talked to some guests and then made her way to him. She looked stunning in that dress and he just stared. She smiled and laughed softly when she stepped to him.

“People are going to talk if you keep staring at me like you’ll undress me every moment.”

“I’m sorry”, he said in a raspy voice. “I’m just... You’re so beautiful Robin.”

She blushed and kissed him on the cheek. 

“My bosses where quite happy about my presentation”, she said happy about tonight.

“I’m very proud of you, it was a very good speech.”

“Thank you”, she said while he pulled her closer by the hip and kissed her temple. 

Robin didn’t feel uncomfortable anymore in his presence and way calmer when he was beside her. They talked silently and watched the other guests. Cormoran just held her by his side and she felt happy for the first time in weeks. After a while the small band started to play.

“Dance with me”, he mumbled by her ear.

“Are you sure?”, she asked insecure. “I mean your leg.”

“It’s fine”, he said and  smiled while he pulled her to the dance floor where they swayed around together. 

She laughed and was fully happy and everyone could see it. Even her bosses and colleagues. But then something startled Cormoran when he looked to the door. Why was she there? Robin could feel that something was wrong and asked him. Strike stood silent, stopped their dancing and guided her back to a quiet corner. 

“Charlotte. She’s here.”

“What? Why?”

Robin was shocked and turned to see her entering the office. She looked stunning. Dressed in a black dress that was flooding down her body to the floor. High heels that where dangerously high, her make up dark and glamorous. Wow. She was a goddess. They could see her heading directly to her bosses and the younger brother smiled at her. They greeted and she kissed him in front of everyone. Robin looked shocked at Cormoran who was shocked as well. Yet Robin was confused when she looked at him. He seemed to watch her more closely. Ther was a familiar feeling in her stomach and she suddenly felt sick. 

“Excuse me”, she mumbled and headed to the toilettes. 

When she returned Cormoran had vanished and she could see him argue with Charlotte in a quiet corner. Her boss – the younger one called Stephen – stepped to her. 

“Are you alright?”

“Yes, just a bit tired.”

“How does your boyfriend know her?”, he asked and gestured to Charlotte and Cormoran.

“I guess from university”, she lied.

He nodded and watched them suspicious. 

“Excuse me”, she said when she realised that something was going on and her boss didn’t seem to like them arguing like this. 

Robin headed to them and took Cormoran’s hand.

“I won’t let you do this Charlotte. It’s insane!”, he grumbled. 

“You don’t even have any evidence that I was involved”, she said arrogant and looked down at Robin. “And here she is. Didn’t take you too long to find someone new then. A new pet for you, but we both know you can’t do this for long.”

“Cormoran, please..”, she mumbled. “My boss. He doesn’t like you two arguing”, she mumbled and he obeyed and followed her to the bar again.

“I’m so sorry Robin. I... I don’t know how to fix this. I know it was unprofessional to argue with her in front of everyone but... I’m...”

He stopped insecure about what to say, confused about the fight and worried that he had get her into trouble.

“It’s fine,  stop worrying. But what happened?”

“I can’t tell you”, he then said. “Not now.”

Robin felt left out and worried. What was going on? He could see the hurt and confusion in her eyes and tried to apologise but it wouldn’t do any good. The elder one of her bosses arrived and asked her to come with him since he wanted to introduce her to someone. Robin left with him and got passed over from one to the other and was indulged in a lot of conversations while Cormoran kept an eye on her and what Charlotte was up to. He knew she wanted revenge for leaving her. Strike also knew that it would be ugly. Late that night and after Robin had shoved all thoughts about Charlotte away, she made her way to Cormoran who was watching his ex-girlfriend carefully. Jealousy found  it’s way into her heart and she felt sad. 

“Do you want to go home?”, he asked quietly when she stepped to him.

“Yes please.”

He kissed her temple and they headed to her office to grab her stuff. She had a brilliant view on part of the illuminated city, he now realised while Robin grabbed her clothes and coat. 

“Robin, I’m truly sorry about tonight and my row with Charlotte.”

“It’s fine. I’m sure you had your reasons.”

“There was one, yes. I suspect her of something.”

“What is it?”, she asked and looked at him. 

“I guess she wants revenge that I left her and she has something to do with what had happened to you.”

Robin startled for a moment. 

“But Cormoran, that’s insane. Why would she harm me then?”

“She’s jealous and manipulative. I hope your boss find that out soon.”

“You think they have an affair?”

He nodded and, in that moment, they could hear loud laughter and noise from the office beside hers. It belonged to Stephen. Robin blushed when she thought about what they would be doing. Cormoran stepped closer and softly caressed her cheek. 

“I hope I'm wrong but I'm sure she’ll make more problems. Please stay careful.”

“I will”, she promised and kissed him.

Robin had to see that he was still there and not dragged away by old memories. He reacted and kissed her back.

“We should get home. This will get more heated I guess”, he said and gestured with his head to the other office where there was more noise. 

Moaning this time. Rumbling and laughter. Robin blushed again and nodded. 


	23. Chapter 23

Late they arrived in Denmark Street and Robin could feel that he was still tense due to Charlotte showing up. She tried to make him explain but he totally ignored her questions in the cab. Exhausted and angry Robin made her way upstairs to their flat and got to  their bedroom where he grabbed her clothes and headed to the bathroom where she locked herself in. Strike sighed.

“Robin, I’m sorry. But it’s complicated. I'm not sure if she’s involved. It’s just a feeling.”

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?!”, she shouted when she opened the door a moment later, still in that beautiful green dress. 

“I was afraid you’d hate me for investigating your case.”

“Why would I?”

She looked up at him and he just waited.

“I’m sorry Robin”, he said once more.

She could see how devastated he was and unsure what to do next. 

“It’s fine. I’m sorry I overreacted.”

She caressed his cheek and he hugged her. She stayed in his arms and sighed happily. 

“Will you help me out of that dress?”, she asked. “It’s quite hard to get out.”

“How did you get in?”

“I asked a colleague. Nice young woman who’s new, just like me.”

He laughed and took her hand before he guided her to their bedroom. He looked at her and asked her to turn around once more. She did.

“Gosh you are stunning Robin.”

She blushed and smiled before she stepped closer. He didn’t see it coming but he softly pressed her lips against his. Strike needed all his self-control to not grab her and kiss her more passionate. He knew that this was a huge step for Robin, so he just simply waited and kissed her back lazily and slowly so Robin was in full control. 

“Cormoran.... I....” She pulled him closer and deepened the kiss a little. “I miss you.”

“I do too”, he confessed after they parted for a moment. “But we should take it slow. I don’t want to hurt you in any way.”

She once more kissed him softly. 

“Get me out of this dress”, she  said, and he obeyed and stepped behind her.

Slowly he opened the zipper and pulled it down, while his lips traced soft kisses to her neck and shoulder. Robin mumbled his name. He tried to be as careful as he could, to not remind her of what had happened.

“I love you Robin”, he mumbled into her ear and opened the last part of her dress. 

It slipped down to the ground and she stood only in her panties in front of him when she turned around. Wow... He couldn’t stop looking at her. Robin felt a bit uncomfortable again after all that had  happened but was also happy to see that he still wanted her. She had thought that he would shove her away after everything. She stepped closer and kissed him while shoving him to their bedroom. Strike let her take the lead once more and obeyed when she shoved him onto the bed and sat on him, kissing him again and again. His hands rested on her hips, carefully not to touch her somewhere else of fear how she would react. Robin noticed but was also thankful. Yet she wanted this, she was sure.

“Touch me”, she mumbled and looked at him. “Please.”

He softly let his hands wander up to her shoulders and to her cheeks before he kissed er softly.

“Robin, I’m not sure we should do this right now. I’m worried it’ll bring back the memories.”

Robin had no idea what to say. He was so thoughtful and despite that she felt he wanted her, he kept back. Patiently, waiting until she would do something. Until she would make the first step.

“I... I talked to my therapist”, Robin confessed. “She said I should try and make new memories. With you. She thinks it might help my healing process – as she calls it. I want to try. I want to take things slow with you, but we  must take the step. And I trust you Cormoran. I trust you, that you won’t hurt me.”

“I would never hurt you”, he said. “And I will never let anyone hurt you again, as long as I breath. I promise.”

She hugged him and kissed him softly. Robin felt completely happy with him by her side.

“Thank you”, she mumbled while he held her.

“Now let’s get to bed. You’re tired and it’s been a long day.”

She nodded and quickly hurried to the bathroom to get dressed and ready for bed. Meanwhile Strike poured himself a drink and headed to the balcony and smoked. He had promised her to stop but she knew that sometimes – when he was stressed – he craved for a fag. He knew that Charlotte’s entrance and her affair with Robin’s boss where deliberate. He knew her long enough to see that she was involved and the familiar smell... He had smelled it tonight. It was exactly as Robin had described it. Harsh, manly. It had been the aftershave of Stephen, the younger one of Robin’s bosses. But why hadn’t she notice that smell before on him? She hadn’t panicked tonight because of it. Maybe he had put it on later? He knew the smell as well. It had been from an aftershave Charlotte had got him when they had been together. It was the same smell as Robin had described it. Shit... He had to find out more. Was her boss involved in all of this? Well he doubted it. He was a nice bloke. He and his brother had supported Robin after the incident. And his behaviour was neutral. Not sexual in any way. He heard Robin behind him.

“Cormoran?” She stepped out to him and rested her head against his shoulder. “What’s on your mind?”

“The case. Your case”, he then clarified. “I know for sure now, that Charlotte is involved. I’ll fix this.”

“It’s not your fault”, she said. “I know it’s hard for you as well. First your accident and then me...”

“We’ll manage Robin. I told you we will. You did the same and pulled me out of my dark place. And see where we are now.”

Robin knew he was right. They’ll manage. He pulled her closer and kissed her temple.

“Off to bed now”, he mumbled and kissed her again.

“Will you join me soon?”

He nodded and she headed inside again, falling asleep soon. Cormoran checked on her and then started to work on her case again. He would solve this.

The weekend went by quickly and the next weeks stayed calm as well. Robin worked a lot and so did Cormoran since the office started booming. Yet he picked her up every evening after work. It was another Friday evening and Robin texted Cormoran that it would be late since she has had some meeting and needed to catch up on some paperwork. He texted back that it would be fine, because he was on an observation anyway and told her to call if she needed him. Robin smiled at his concern but also appreciated it since she was still afraid of going home alone in the dark. She worked late and it was past 7pm when Stephen knocked at the door and stepped inside.

“You’re still here?”

“I’ve to catch up on some stuff”, Robin said and smiled a bit. 

He stepped to her and looked at the papers and that’s when it hit her. The smell. The smell her rapist had smelled of that night. Robin started to panic. Her heartbeat quickened, so did her breathing and her hands started to shake. Shocked she looked at her boss and he could see that something was wrong. 

“Robin, you okay?”

He stepped closer, but she got up and stepped away quickly. She started to shake all over and when he wanted to get closer again, she shoved him away and hurried outside the office to the toilettes, where she locked herself into a cabin. She tried to calm down, but it wouldn’t work. Robin started sweating and slumped down on the floor, crying now. Confused about what had just happen, Stephen followed her and knocked at the door and stepped into the toilette. He truly was worried about her since he had never seen her like this.

“Robin, are you okay? Can I help you with anything?” 

He heard her crying and received no answer. Confused and worried, he got back to her office and took her phone. It would be best if he would call her boyfriend, maybe he could help.

“Robin?”, he heard Strike at the other end of the phone.

“No. Excuse me, this is Stephen, Robin’s boss. I’m sorry to bother you but I’m calling because of Robin.”

“What’s with her?”

“She started to panic when I was in her office to talk and locked herself into the bathroom. She won’t let me help so please, could you come over?”

“I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“Okay.”

Half an hour later Stephen saw the Detective arrive and hurry to her boss, who waited by the elevators.

“Where is she?”

“Still in there”, he said and gestured to the toilettes. 

Cormoran made his way inside. Stephen followed him.

“Robin?!”, he said softly into the silence of the toilette. 

“Cormoran?”, she mumbled and sniffed.

“It’s me. Please, open the door. Stephen called me to help.”

He heard the lock turn and Robin stepped out. Her make-up was a mess, she was still shaking and immediately he pulled her into a hug. 

“Sch.... Calm down love. It’s going to be fine. I’m here”, he mumbled and let a hand glide over her back and held her tight.

Stephen watched the whole scene. What was going on?

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s going on but if I offended you in any way....”, he started then.

“It’s something different”, Strike said. “It’s your aftershave, it...”

“It reminded me of the night I got raped”, Robin said quietly.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”

“I’m sorry I reacted like this. I...”

“It’s fine Robin”, he said. “No need to apologise. I think it’s best if you go home and rest a bit. If you  want, you can take Monday off.”

“No, it’s fine”, she said and dried her tears with the back of her hand. “I’ll be there.”

Cormoran guided her to her office where she packed her stuff.

“Thanks for your call”, Strike said to Stephen.

“No problem.”

“I know this might sound weird, but be careful with Charlotte”, Strike said to him. “She might seem like a good match, but she’s mostly interested in her own advantages.”

“Thanks, I’ll think of it”, Stephen said honest.

He knew that the Detective meant well. Robin returned after a few minutes and thanked Stephen again and apologised.

“Stop apologising Robin. It’s fine”, Stephen said and a moment later the three left the office and headed home.

Cormoran got her home safely yet he could see that she was still shaken.

“Robin, do you want to talk?”

“I... I can’t believe I’ve overreacted because of my boss smelling like that. I...”

“Don’t blame yourself this much. It can happen and I’m sure  your boss understood after you told him what was going on. He seems nice actually.”

“But why did he smell like this? I don’t want to believe it’s been him that night.”

“It wasn’t. I’m sure. His alibi checked out and the smell, well it’s got something to do with Charlotte.”

He told her about the aftershave and his theory that she wanted revenge. Robin couldn’t believe it. “So she’s the one to blame?”   
“I don’t know yet. But I’m worried that she was involved somehow. I’m going to find out how”, he promised. 

Robin nodded and then headed to their bedroom. After she got ready for bed, she once more found him in front of his laptop, working. 

“Come to bed”, she mumbled. 

“I can’t. I’ve to finish this.” He kissed her hand. “I’ll be there soon. Get some rest.”

She obeyed and headed to bed. Meanwhile Strike was on a new lead for her case. He had checked up on Matthew and had found out that he and Charlotte had been meeting up. How the fuck did she know him?  So the two of them knew each other. Was he the one...? Strike tried not to think about it. Not now. He would deal with him if it was time. 


	24. Chapter 24

_ December _

The months passed and he still hadn’t found all the evidence he needed to proof anything against Charlotte or Matthew or find the one who did this to Robin. Christmas was coming closer and it had started to snow. Robin wasn’t too busy with work, so she prepared everything for the holidays. Meanwhile Strike was busier than before. Beside all the observations his leg troubled him, and Robin could feel that something was wrong. He was on edge all the time, grumpy and limped most of the time. Every time she tried to help him though, he shoved her away. It was late when he got home. Robin could hear him in the living room, so she got up. He sat on the sofa and tried to get his prothesis off. It hurt  him, she could see that clearly. 

“Cormoran?”, she softly  said, and he looked up, surprised to see her. 

“Robin! You’re still up?”

“I heard you come in”, she said smiling and kissed him quickly. “Can I help you with anything? I mean you seem to be in heavy pain.”

“It’s fine”, he mumbled. “I’ll manage, thank you.”

She knew that it wouldn’t be any good if she would push him, so she let it be and just brought him a glass of water with some pain killers. He thanked her and took the pills before he followed her to bed. 

“Cormoran, my parents called today and asked me if we would like to come over for Christmas”, Robin said into the silence. “What do you think?”

“If you want to go, I’ll come if work will allow it.”

Robin smiled at his answer and kissed him on the cheek in the dark.

“I was hoping you’d say that”, she said. “But I’d rather stay here with you. Bake a bit, get a tiny tree?”

“Sounds perfect to me”, he agreed and pulled her closer. 

He already imagined it. Robin by the small fireplace in their flat, Christmas tree in one corner, she baking. Having punch together. He never was a huge fan of Christmas, but he was sure with Robin by his side, things would be different. After a while he fell asleep and dreamed of Christmas with Robin. Then his dream changed. He was back in Afghanistan. Walking through the camp when he saw her. Robin. She waited by a truck and waved at him. When he got closer there was an explosion and he felt as if his leg was ripped off again. He cried out in pain and got to the ground.

“Cormoran! Cormoran!”, he heard her voice by his side and suddenly  bolted upright.

He was back in their bed in their flat in London. Robin was beside him, worriedly looking at him when he felt the pain. He groaned and slumped back again, getting the blanket away so it wouldn’t touch his bare skin. 

“Cormoran, are you alright?”, she asked worried and felt his forehead. “You’re burning up.”

“I’m okay”, he grumbled and then moaned in pain again. “It’s just... My leg”, he said. 

“Shall I call the doctor?”

“No, it’s fine. I had this before.”

It burned like fire and he felt the pain even though he knew that it couldn’t be. It was impossible. Worried Robin looked at him while he closed his eyes and grabbed the sheets. She had never seen him like this before. What was going on? Why was he in so much pain?

“Phantom limp pain”, Cormoran mumbled at her asking look. “The doctors told me this could happen. No one really knows how it’s happening. It’s just a pain in the arse”, he said and smiled a bit before he once more moaned in pain. 

Robin got up and got him a glass of water, some more painkillers and an ice pack for his leg. He thanked her while he took the pills and put the pack on his stump. Leaning against the headboard, eyes closed, she watched him and took his hand.

“You need some rest”, he said with a look at the watch. “I’m sorry I’m keeping you awake.”

“ No, it’s fine”, Robin reassured him. “You’ve been there so many nights for me. Now it’s my turn.”

She kissed him on the cheek, held his hand and leaned against his shoulder. He calmed down a bit, because of her presence, yet the pain was strong, and it took all his control to not go insane. Early in the morning the pain seemed to ebb away, and he was finally able to rest a bit and get some much-needed sleep. Robin slept at his shoulder and he was glad that she was here. After a while he finally fell into  Morpheus arms. 

Robin woke up late and was glad that it was Saturday. Cormoran finally had found some sleep as well so she carefully got up – hoping that she won’t wake him – and headed to the other room to get the day started. She did some cleaning, had a shower and headed grocery shopping. It started to snow, and Robin loved it. She was really looking forward to their first Christmas together but still had no clue what she could get him as present. She decided to call up Ilsa and Nick and ask them for help and maybe invite them over for Christmas dinner. She headed home when a familiar voice shouted after her. Oh no!

“Robin, wait!”

Robin hurried away from Matthew and tried to get to their flat, grabbing her shopping bags tighter while trying not to slip on the snow. But soon a strong hand grabbed her arm and turned her around. She looked directly into Matthew’s face.

“We need to talk Robin”, he said but didn’t let go of her arm.

“We don’t. There’s nothing to talk about, I told you before”, she said more composed than she felt.

“We do.”

“No. We don’t”, she once more said. “Let go of my arm.”

Her voice was calm, her eyes full of hate. Angry himself he looked down at his ex-girlfriend and still held her tight. 

“Why him?”, he asked.

“It’s none of your business”, she hissed. “It’s over Matthew.”

She struggled to get free but he wouldn’t let go and just stepped closer. Then she smelled it. The smell of that night. Robin tried not to panic. She tried to stay calm but it wouldn’t work. She started shaking and breathed heavily. 

“Damn you woman, what’s the issue?”, he asked annoyed and shook her but Robin couldn’t help it.

She had another panic attack. People around them just looked interested but no one interfered. She felt remembered of that night. The smell, the hand on her body. 

“Talk to me!”, he half shouted. “Why this fucker?”

She didn’t answer. She started to sweat, shake and closed her eyes to control it, but it wouldn’t do any good.

“Let go of her!”, an unfamiliar voice said angry and Matthew laughed.

“That’s none of your business. Leave us alone!”

She heard Matthew howl in pain and the hand was gone. When she looked up and tried to concentrate, she saw Matthew holding his hand to his nose and there was blood.

“You fucker broke my nose!”

The man who had done it, was fairly familiar to Robin and he stepped carefully to her.

“Hey Robin”, he said and smiled. “You good?”

She nodded, still shaking.

“Bunsen told me to keep an eye on you while being out. Come on, I’ll get you home.”

“Bunsen? How do you know me?”, she mumbled, trying to remember.

“I’m Shanker. I was at your old flat, visiting Cormoran.”

“Oh yes...”, she mumbled. “I’m sorry. I forgot.”

“No problem. Come on.”

He took her groceries and softly guided her to Denmark Street.

“You okay?”, he once more asked her.

“I’m fine. Thank you Shanker.”

“You’re welcome girl.”

They headed home in silence and he kept watching her if she really was fine. He headed with her upstairs and she let him into their flat. Strike immediately got up when he heard her arrive and limped from their bedroom. He was confused when he saw Shanker with her but immediately saw that something must have happened when he saw her tear stained face and the  state, she was in. 

“Are you okay?”, he asked her and stepped closer, taking her hands carefully.

She was still shaking and cold.

“Baby, you okay?”

He wiped her tears away with his thumb and she hugged him.

“Shanker was there. It’s all fine”, she mumbled.

Shanker put the groceries on the kitchen unit and waited until Strike let her go, kissed her temple and greeted him properly. The two friends shook hands and Shanker saw how grateful Bunsen was.

“Want some tea?”, Robin asked and smiled thankful at him.

“Sure. Thank you.”

The two men sat at the small table while Robin prepared the tea and they talked quietly about a new case. Then Robin excused herself and made her way to the bathroom. She was still shaken up after her meeting with Matthew and needed some time.

She heard the men saying their goodbye and then the front door closing. She heard Strike’s limp and a soft knock at the bathroom door.

“Robin, are you alright?”

There was concern in his voice. 

“I’m alright. Will be out in a minute”, she lied but he could hear the shaking in her voice.

“Robin, you’ve been in there for half an hour.”

Oh, she hadn’t noticed. The shaking had been gone and yet she didn’t feel okay. She felt exhausted. Robin dried her tears with some toilette paper, flushed and got out. Strike waited in front of the door, scrutinizing her worriedly.

“Robin, what is wrong? You look shaken and pale.”

“I... I had a panic attack”, she finally confessed, knowing that lying to him would be useless because Shanker had probably talked to him already.

“Why? What happened?”

“I...”, she couldn’t tell him, he would freak out.

Cormoran stepped closer and tilted her chin up before she looked into his blue eyes. 

“Please talk to me Robin.”

“Matthew”, she mumbled and immediately could feel his anger rise.

“What has he done?”, the ex-soldier grumbled.

“He wanted to talk but... But there was this scent.”

“The scent from that night?”, he asked softly.

“Yes.”

She started to shake again and he pulled her in his arms for a hug.

“I’m so sorry baby. I truly am. I wish I could find the one who did this but there’s nothing”, he said frustrated.

“It’s fine. Shanker was there.” He just held her a moment. “He said you asked him to keep an eye on me.”

“Yes, I did.”

He had assumed that she would be angry, but instead she hugged him tighter.

“Thank you Cormoran. For everything.”

He softly let his fingers slide over her cheek and pressed his lips against hers. 

“I love you. Never forget that.”

“I won’t. I love you too.”

He held her in his arms and tried to comfort her. After a while Cormoran felt that she had calmed down and let her go.

“Have you eaten?”

“No”, she confessed and he smiled. 

They made their way to the kitchen.

“What do you want to eat?”

“I’m not particularly hungry”, she said and watched him from the chair.

She could see his eyes on her body and she did want him. They had waited for far too long. Robin made his way over to him and rested her hands on his chest.

“How’s your leg?”, she asked.

“Better”, he just said and looked down at her.

He could feel the change between them. He wanted her, yet he knew that it would be wrong to act on it now, after the day she had. Robin stayed where she was  and, in her thoughts, fumbled at one of his shirt buttons. 

“Do you think Ilsa and Nick would want to come over for dinner on Christmas?”

“We could ask”, he said and smiled. “Is it really okay for you to stay here? I thought you might want to see your family.”

“I really want to stay and enjoy our first Christmas together”, she confirmed and smiled softly.

He smiled as well before he once more kissed her softly and chastely.

“Let’s go to bed. It’s been a long day and I got to get up early for an observation.”

The next weeks were calm again and while Robin prepared everything for her leave between Christmas and New Year, Cormoran worked very hard. Robin barely saw him and often woke up without him in their bed. It was frustrating yet she knew that it was necessary. Meanwhile she tried to figure out things with her therapist. It was late on a Friday evening and already dark when she made her way from the office the few streets to her appointment. Robin felt watched and at ease when she arrived at the small office of her therapist. Like usual the other woman greeted her happily and guided her inside where some hot tea was already waiting for her. Robin sat in her usual place on the sofa and sipped from her tea. She was nervous.

“You seem at ease. Are you okay Robin?”

“Yes, I am”, she lied and sipped from her tea once more.

“How are you feeling today?”

“Tired. I haven’t slept much and had a lot of work.”

“Why’s that?”

“Oh I’m on some time off between Christmas and New Year and we got a lot of work at the moment.”

“But that’s good”, her therapist said and smiled.

“Yes. I’m quite happy with my job. I had to finish some papers for university as well, so lots to do”, she said smilingly but the other woman saw that something troubled her.

“How are things at home?”

“ Oh, all is well”, Robin said. “The office is going well. Cormoran is a lot on the road currently.”

“But you don’t like it?”

“I do!”, Robin said defensive.

“Yet something is bothering you”, the older woman said.

“I...” Robin sighed. “I haven’t really seen him in days. I miss him and I miss what we had.”

“Well I told you, you need to take it slow Robin. It’s important not to rush, yet take it step by step. Have you done that?”

“No”, Robin mumbled. 

“What happened?”

“I... I couldn’t. Every time I wanted to, I stopped. I simply couldn’t go the step. I couldn’t do it.”

Robin nearly cried. This meant so much to her that she and Cormoran had a normal healthy relationship despite being thrown back with things. Yet she was afraid.

“That’s okay. A lot of people have that problem. We’ll take it slow. Step by step. How are things between you? Can he touch you without problems?”

“He touches me and I don’t freak again. We kiss occasionally yet when he touches me  unexpectedly, I often freak out and he apologises. I can see that I hurt him with this.”

“I’m sure it’s not that. The way you described him, he probably is not hurt by your actions.”

“What do you mean?”, Robin wanted to know confused.

“He truly loves you, don’t he?” She nodded. “Then he probably is angry that someone did this to you. That someone touched you. A lot of couples face the problems you do. A lot of women face the problem. Some get angry, some start running from their problems. We all cope differently. Anger is just something to cope with it. But he doesn’t get angry at you, does he?”

“No. He’s very sensible and  caring .”

“See what I mean?” Robin nodded. “ So there are various ways to do this. We could talk about the things you want to do and then how to go further after every session. We could make something like a to-do-list?”

“And how would that look like?”

“We work on the things you fear. Things you want but can’t do. We go there, step by step and see how far we can go before we face a problem. Then we try to solve that problem. Like you can’t go the final step between you two.  So we try to get you to feeling comfortable with being with Cormoran and do this until we face a problem. Then we talk and solve it together.”

“You think this will help?”, Robin asked not really convinced.

“We can’t do more than try, can we?”

Robin smiled and they decided to try. Her first task would be to talk to him properly. Robin tried to figure out how to do this while she headed to the tube. Her  phone beeped and she looked at it. Strike.

_ Shall I collect you from your  _ _ appointment _ _? C. _

Quickly she texted back.

_ On my way home already. Will be there soon. What about you? Dinner? Rx _

_ Still on an observation. Take care and if you need me, call! Stay careful. C. _

She smiled and quickly headed to the tube. Once more Robin felt watched. Was it Shanker? No, Cormoran would have told her that. Robin was cold and not really dressed for tonight since the weather had changed very quickly. The morning had been sunny and pretty warm, now it was cold, windy and started to snow as soon as she reached the tube. Feeling a bit better between the people she headed to grab the next train home. The feeling stayed until she finally closed the door to their flat. She sighed and tried to control her shaking hands. After she had manged, Robin prepared dinner and then headed to take a shower while her thoughts lingered with today’s task of talking to Cormoran properly about her problems. She just slipped into some clothes when she heard the door open.

“Robin?”, he asked into the silence of their flat.

“In the bathroom”, she shouted and smiled a bit.

Hurriedly she pulled on her pyjama buttons and stepped outside to greet him. He presented her with a small but very beautiful flower  bouquet . 

“What’s that for?”, she asked after she had kissed him hello and took the flowers, white lilies. 

“An apology because I’ve been too busy lately and haven’t seen you properly in days.”

He once more kissed her softly and she hummed into the kiss happily. 

“Thank you.”

She got a vase and put them on the small table by the sofa while he watched her from the chair. She was beautiful and after nearly a whole week of seeing her only in her sleep, he was truly happy to have her for himself tonight. Robin stepped closer while he finally smelled it. Robin had prepared dinner.

“Something’s smelling good”, he said and sniffed the air.

“I made some  lasagne .”

“Hmm... I knew there was a reason why I love you”, he teased and she laughed.

He seemed happy today and Robin was glad that he felt better and his leg stopped troubling him. She laughed and kissed him before she prepared everything for dinner. Cormoran headed for a quick shower and then returned just in time for dinner. He opened a bottle of wine and poured her a glass of wine while she got the lasagne. They ate in silence and Robin was worried what he would say about her therapy session. 

“What is troubling you?”, he asked and took her hand for a moment.

“I.... Therapy”, she mumbled a bit ashamed.

“Why? What happened?”

“We talked about us”, she confessed. “My therapist said that I should do this step by step so she’s giving me a weekly to-do-list.”

“Okay”, he said confused about this. “What did she give you to do?”

“She said I should talk to you about everything that’s in the way.”

He knew what she meant and he nodded. Thinking about her words for a moment while she picked in her food, his eyes lingered on her. She had lost all appetite. Cormoran thought about what she had said and he saw what the problem was. Saw what she struggled with.

“What do you say about we finish this lovely dinner and then talk about it?”, he suggested and smiled softly at Robin while taking her hand once more.

“Okay.”

“Please, don’t worry. It’s going to be fine”, he mumbled, kissed her softly and returned to his dinner. 

Robin knew he meant it. She knew he was honest to her and cared, yet she was worried what this would do to them. Speak about what was wrong. She was worried that he would be angry. Without touching her food further, she put the plates away and cleaned the kitchen. He sighed and was worried about her. She barely ate the last days and was way too pale. He stepped to her and hugged her carefully from behind before  nestling his nose in her neck.

“Please talk to me”, he mumbled. “I’m worried about you.”

“You don’t have to be. I’m fine.”

“ So what do you say about some wine and this conversation?”

“Okay.”

He guided her to the sofa and handed her another glass of wine before he sat by her side.

“Now tell me. What do you want to talk about? What did your therapist say?”

She gathered all her strength and then started to talk about today’s session. He listened carefully while holding her hand. 

“I so want to have again what was before all that. I want to touch you. I want you to touch me, to make love to me without me freaking out. I’m worried though. I... I’m afraid I’ll freak out if we do. If we take the final step.”

She started crying but he just held her hand. Robin wiped his tears and looked onto their joined hands.

“I told you before, I’d never do anything you didn’t want to do. We will take this step by step. Slowly. I don’t care how much time we need. I just want you to be comfortable and happy.”

He smiled down at her, holding her hand and squeezing it lightly to reassure her that all was fine. Despite the lack of physical contact, he still loved her deeply and was grateful that she stayed by his side. Robin still haven’t looked at him so he softly tilted up her chin.

“Look at me”, he ordered softly. “I will never hurt you. I promise.”

She smiled and looked into his deep blue eyes. Grateful as well, that he didn’t push her. She pressed their lips together and softly kissed him. 

“I love you”, she mumbled and he just held her, kissing her temple, soothing her.

“See?”, he said softly. “That wasn’t too bad.”

She laughed nervously but knew that all her worries had been unfounded. 

“Off to bed now”, he mumbled. “You must be tired.”

“I’d rather stay here for a bit longer.”

And  so they did. He just held her in his arms while they sat at the sofa and after a while, she fell asleep. Cormoran got her to bed and then worked for a while before he as well got tired and headed to bed to get some rest.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys, 
> 
> sorry this took quite long and I'm pretty stuck with the next chapter atm so I do hope you enjoy this one a lot while waiting :) This is a pretty hot and cute one ;)
> 
> Stay safe y'all 
> 
> love, Y.

_ 1 week later _

“How did things go then with you and Cormoran?”, the elder woman asked Robin on a rainy Friday evening. 

“Quite good. We talked and I guess sorted things.”

“That’s good. So today’s task will be a bit easier. Make an approach.”

“What do you mean?”

“Try to take the step. But only as far as you think is healthy. We’ll talk about your progress next week and then see how we will go on from there at our next appointment.”

“Alright”, Robin mumbled and yet she was surprised.

After a few more minutes they were finished with today’s session and Robin made her way outside where Cormoran was waiting to pick her up. He kissed her on the cheek and guided her to the tube while she thought about her weekly task. He left her alone with her thoughts and kept quiet while they sat in the tube on their way home. 

“What do you want for dinner?”, he asked after they arrived in Denmark Street and interrupted her thoughts.

“I... I’m not hungry.”

He accepted although he knew that she probably hasn’t eaten all day. They went upstairs to their flat and he could feel that something was wrong. What had happened at her therapy session? He was worried that this wasn’t helping her anymore. That it just pressured her.

“I have to head downstairs for a moment and work on something. If you need me just text and I’ll be there”, he said, kissed her on the forehead and left her alone.

She knew she could do this. She had to finally try. After a long shower, she cooked something for him if he returned later and headed to the sofa to lay down a bit. She dressed into a silken lace nightgown and waited impatiently for him. A few hours later he returned and found her half asleep on the sofa. Robin sat up, rubbed her tired eyes and looked at him. 

“You cooked”, he said surprised. “Dinner?”, he asked and she nodded since she was a bit hungry. 

They had a quick dinner and then made their way to bed since both where tired. Yet as soon as Robin slipped out of her dressing gown, he could see that she had other plans. She looked beautiful and he scrutinized her thoroughly what made her blush.

“You’re so beautiful”, he said while she stepped to him and rested her hands on his chest.

“I’ve got another task”, she mumbled nervously. “Try how far we can go without me freaking out.”

“I see...”

Robin stepped closer and looked down at her hands, insecure and unsure. Cormoran tilted up her chin and made her look at him.

“I think we should try tomorrow. You’re tired and nervous. I don’t want to push you to anything. Just take your time.”

She nodded quietly and he slowly kissed her. Lazy kisses, lovingly, reassuring her that all was fine. She soon fell asleep beside him after they had headed to bed but Cormoran lay awake. What was this task good for? He couldn’t understand how her therapist could suggest something like this. Yet he really wanted to try and help her with her progress. After ages and when his thoughts finally calmed down again, he fell asleep and dreamed about Robin.

_ Robin walked on a beach in a white dress. Her hair and dress where blowing in the wind and she turned her head around and looked for him while she walked slowly down the beach. She smiled at him and laughed. There where flowers in her hair and hand. He smiled back at her, running now to get to her. When he was by her side, their fingers automatically entwined and they strolled down the beach. They walked over to an older couple he recognized as his Uncle Ted and Aunt Joan. They waved at the young couple and smiled happily. When they stood in front of them, he introduced Robin but his aunt just laughed. _

_ “Of course we know who she is. I mean we were at your wedding.” _

_ Wedding? He looked down at their joined hands and saw the ring at his own hand. Robin smiled at him and then pressed her lips at his. They walked down the beach with his aunt and uncle and chatted. Then the two of them where suddenly alone again and Robin was in his arms while they looked at the sunset. He told her he loved her and she did as well. Then dark clouds where there and a loud grumbling then Robin was gone. She wasn’t there anymore and he was just alone.  _

With a shout he woke up. He immediately looked over to Robin but she wasn’t there. Where was she? He quickly put on his leg and hurried to the other room. She wasn’t there either. What was going on? 

“Robin?"

Strike checked the bathroom but nothing. He tried to call her but her phone only rang by the table. Where was she? Cormoran got nervous and then headed to the office. He had no idea why she would be there but he actually found her at his desk. She sat in his office, looking over some files.

“Robin?”, he softly said but she startled.

“Cormoran! What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same”, he said softly and smiled. “I woke up and you weren’t there.”

“Yes, I... I couldn’t sleep.”

He stepped closer and looked at the file. It was an old one from his army time. How had she found those? Oh yes, he had wanted to sort them into one of the cabinets earlier, he remembered. 

“I hope it’s okay if I look at those?”, she asked and he nodded.

He put a curl of her hair behind her ear before he sat at the chair opposite and just watched her. Robin looked up after a while, fascinated by what she had read earlier. She watched him and saw the worry on his face.

“Are you okay?”, she wanted to know into the silence between them.

“I am. I’m just worried you aren’t.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”, Robin asked innocently, fully well knowing what he meant.

“You were odd earlier because of what we talked about. Because of your therapy session.”

“I’m sorry. I know this is a mess. I want back what we had and I’m really trying...”

“You don’t have to apologise. I understand and I’m not mad so stop tiptoeing around me and just talk to me, okay?”

She nodded and he looked at her. She only wore her nightgown and her dressing gown over it, but not tied. She looked beautiful and he craved to touch her. Robin blushed and felt it as well. She wanted to touch him and kiss him and just be there. She got up and stepped in front of him, letting her hand slide over the stubbles on his cheek. He pulled her on his lap and held her. Nothing more. Her lips started to search his and she kissed him softly. His hands lay on her back and hip and he deepened the lazy kiss a little. Cormoran had no idea how long they kissed but it felt like ages.

“Cormoran”, she breathed his name and moved a bit.

“Yes love”, he groaned.

“Take me to bed”, she mumbled and he nodded, not questioning her at this moment.

Carefully he got up, her legs around his waist, and carried her upstairs under steady kisses. As soon as they were in their bedroom, he sat on the bed, Robin still in his lap. She continued to kiss him and he just waited, let her take control. She sticked  to the kissing for a while before she once more moved her hips. A moan escaped him and she smiled softly. He wanted her and she could feel it. 

“Cormoran”, she once more said his name softly, full of love.

“Yes?”

“Touch me please”, she mumbled and blushed.

“Sure?”

“Yes please”, she breathed against his lips.

Slowly he let his hands wander from her hips up to her shoulders and down her naked arms again to her lap and tights. She shivered from his soft touch and closed her eyes. He just touched her clothed body softly and kissed her. His kisses wandered to her neck down to the breasts while his hands shoved up the fabric of her nightgown up to her hips. He was careful and kept an eye on any sign that she didn’t want him anymore. Robin shoved his hands away for a moment and his t-shirt over his head. Her hands slide over his chest. Still strong and muscular, she thought and kissed him again. Her worries slowly disappeared and she got more courageous, moving again and kissing him hungrily.

“I love you”, she said and moaned when his fingers touched her.

“I love you too.”

That was all the two of them spoke for the next time. His fingers moved to her lap and she was aroused soon after. 

“I want you to take the lead”, he mumbled then.

“But I...”, she said surprised. “I’ve never done this.”

“Then it’s time we change that. I don’t want to do anything you don’t want to.”

“Alright”, Robin gave in and kissed him again.

She pushed him down and kissed his chest, slowly rolling her hips. He moaned again but kept continuing to watch her. Worried. 

“Stop worrying”, she mumbled when she realised. “I’m fine.” He moaned. “Touch me please.”

He did and let his fingers wander to her lap again. After a few moves she was distracted and just kneed over him, eyes closed, shaking with lust while he got her closer and closer to her release. He teased her while watching her and after a few more minutes she  came with a slight scream, shaking above him. He saw the tears on her cheeks and immediately was worried.

“Robin? Robin, you okay?”, he mumbled and wiped the tears softly away. 

She nodded and lay down beside him. He held her close.

“Please talk to me.”

“I... I’m fine...”

He knew she wouldn’t tell him. She just lay there for a moment and tried to regain control over her body. He nestled his nose in her neck and waited before she turned around and kissed him again, working on his pyjama buttons to get them off. He lifted his hips and she got them off, tossing them on the bedroom floor. Naked he lay on the bed and she watched him for a moment, smiling softly. She could do this. Once more she sat on Cormoran’s lap and he moaned as soon as she straddled him. Her hands moved to the hem of her nightgown and she pulled it over her head. Naked she sat on him and he watched her slowly. His look wasn’t uncomfortable and she felt safe with him. His kisses where soft and careful and yet he could feel how much he wanted her. 

“Cormoran”, she said softly while he tried to stay in control. 

“Yes?”

“I... I’m not sure I can do this like we usual do this”, Robin confessed.

“What do you mean?”

“You on top.”

She blushed heavily and looked down on her hands. He sat up and caressed her cheek.

“Hey, it’s fine. We do this like you want it and how far you think this is okay. If you want to stop, it’s all fine.”

“No, I want to try.”

Her voice was determined and sure.

“Alright. Then we’ll do this differently. It’s easier as well and way more enjoyable for you”, he teased and kissed her before he sat in the middle of the bed, holding her tight. “Either this way or with me laying down”, he said and waited.

“Can we just try like this? I want you close.”

“Alright”, Strike agreed and kissed her before he tried to continue this. 

His kisses calmed her and him being close as well. Things got heated pretty quickly and soon he was aroused again and so was she. 

“Condoms”, he breathed and Robin obeyed.

She positioned him after pulling it on and then softly let her sink on him. She moaned and closed her eyes. Cormoran moaned as well. Wow.... It had been way too long, he now realised. She stilled on him and waited. His hands brushed the skin of her legs and he kissed her cheeks and neck. Comforting her.

“Look at me love”, he ordered softly and she obeyed. “Take your time and if you want to stop, just say so, okay?”

Robin nodded and kissed him again before she softly moved. Both took their time. Moving slowly, kissing and touching. Robin shivered and she only concentrated on the here and now, yet she couldn’t fully let go. Cormoran felt it.

“Baby... Look at me”, she obeyed and his eyes scrutinized hers. “Just look at me and try not to think.”

He moved his hips up to meet her moves and she moaned, clenching her hands in his shoulders. His hands wandered to her lap and he teased her with his fingers while they moved together. Soon she was close. He mumbled that he loved her, that she was beautiful and so strong. He made her comfortable and wanted and all was fine. After a few more moves both climaxed together and he held her tight while her head sank against his shoulder and she shook in his arms. Exhausted he sank back, Robin laying on his chest.

“You okay?”

“Hmmm...”, she hummed. 

Eyes closed, his hand softly stroking through her hair and her naked body under his fingers. All this calmed her and she was happy that she had finally tried it. He chuckled at her answer and kissed her temple.

“Tired?”

“Hmmm... Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For supporting me with this. Or more how we do this. I hope you... You liked it?”

“Oh you have no idea...”, he mumbled completely sated and she laughed slightly.

She tilted up her chin and kissed him softly. Cormoran moved and she moaned again. He was still inside her. He laughed and deepened the kiss once more, trying to keep controlled.

“I love you, never forget that.”

“I love you too”, Robin confessed, sat up and he moaned. “What do you say about a second round?”

“You sure?”

Now his look was full of concern again. Was she really up for this? They should keep it slow. Robin nodded before she got off of him and got rid of the condom. He already was ready again when she teased him with a few strokes. Cormoran closed his eyes and moaned. This was wrong. They should wait. He grabbed her hands and rolled her over to stop her. 

“Robin, we should stop for today.” She was paralyzed under him and immediately Cormoran let go of her when he felt her reaction. “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry baby.”

She breathed heavily and tried to stay calm. Yet her body betrayed her. Shit! He had fucked their perfect night up by not thinking. He sat beside her and waited for her to calm down.

“Please look at me”, he begged her quietly. 

She heard the begging in his voice and after another moment she opened her eyes and looked at him.

“I'm so sorry baby. I really am.”

“I... I’m sorry.”

She rolled on her side and curled up into a ball. 

“Don’t be baby. It’s my fault. I’m so sorry. I should have thought about this. I’m so sorry...”

He really was devastated and at a loss what to do. Touch her? Stay away? Talk to her? He just sat here and waited. Robin needed some time. Yet she was also mad at herself for reacting like this and screwing up their perfect time together. 

“I’m sorry I ruined this. I just can’t do it like this. I...”

“It’s all fine baby. I’ve to apologise. It will never happen again”, he said and took her hand in his.

“Can you hold me?”

He shuffled closer and pulled her in her arms. Just holding her and kissing her hair. He felt how she relaxed and she looked up at him. Softly kissing him to try to tell him all was good again.

“I’m sorry. It still was lovely though.”

“It was. Thank you for trying it.”

“Thank you for being patient.”

“Always baby. Now... How about that second round?”, he asked jokingly and she laughed.

“I’d like that.”

She kissed him and he once more let her take control and they slowly made love once again. All was fine and perfect. 


	26. Chapter 26

_ A few days before Christmas _

“How are things between you and  Cormoran ?”, Robin’s therapist asked her usual question.

“All good. We took the final step without problems and it was lovely.”

“I’m so happy to hear that.”

After some more questioning, her therapist asked her though how far they were going and Robin confessed what had happened. What had triggered her that night.

“Well we have definitely to talk about that issue again but it’s incredible how far you two managed. I’m really proud of you.”

“Thanks”, Robin smiled proudly.

“So what are you plans for Christmas?”

“Calm days in with  Cormoran . Bit of baking and decorating.”

“Well then enjoy your time and if you need me urgently, just text me okay?”

“Thank you so much.”

About half an hour her meeting was done and she headed back to the office to finish work for today since her meeting had been during her lunch break. She finished everything in time for  Cormoran to pick her up for dinner. While she quickly grabbed her bag, her boss stepped to her and handed her a small present. 

“From my brother and me”, he announced. “Merry Christmas.”

“Thank you”, she smiled.

“Any plans?”

“Oh just a bit of time out. Writing a paper for university and a few calm days with my boyfriend.”

“Sounds perfect. Hey you two are more than welcome to join us all at the Christmas party tomorrow night.”

“Sounds wonderful. I’ll surely come.”

“Perfect. Well goodnight then Robin.”

“Goodnight.”

He left her and before Robin headed downstairs where  Cormoran would wait for her, she freshened up her lipstick and let her hands slide over her dress to get some wrinkles out of it a bit. Excited about tonight, she made her way downstairs where he already waited for her.

“Hi baby.” She greeted him with a quick kiss before he guided her to the tube. “I hope you’re hungry.”

“Starving”, she smiled while they walked down the road and to the tube where they drove off and he got her to a small Italian restaurant where he had booked a table. She wore a dark blue dress, high boots and black tights. Her hair fell on her shoulders and she had put some decent make-up on. She looked beautiful. 

“How was your day?”, he asked after the waiter had arrived with a bottle of wine.

She told him and about her therapy session, about work and the invite to the Christmas party tomorrow. He agreed that they would go and that he would join her if she wanted him to. The rest of the evening was calm and they had a quiet dinner together. After dinner he took her on a small walk through the park and the Thames. It was a very beautiful night and  Cormoran held her tightly so she wouldn’t fall. Late they returned to Denmark Street. Robin was tired and after she returned from the bathroom, she found him working on some files on the sofa. 

“Aren’t you tired?”

“I’ve to finish this so we can have some days off on Christmas.”

“I’ll lay down a bit. I’m so tired.”

“Goodnight baby.”

She kissed him goodnight and after her head hid the pillow, she was asleep.

Late the next evening she put on a simple black cocktail dress and he wore his suit and the two of them made their way to her companies Christmas party. It was a nice evening and he could see the looks of her colleagues on her body and it made him jealous. She was his and he wanted everyone to see it. He put his drink down and stepped to her. She was currently talking to another colleague. 

“Can I borrow Robin for a while?”, he asked and the other woman laughed. “Dance with me.”

She nodded and smiled while he pulled her between the other dancing couples. A very slow song was on and he held her tight while guiding her slowly. He wanted everyone to see that she belonged to him. She laughed and he held her tight while they danced. Everyone could see that she was happy. 

“Are you happy Robin?”, he asked her quietly while dancing to a very slow song.

“I am. Are you?”

“Very. Yes. I’m so glad I found you. So happy you stumbled in front of my feet that day.”

She laughed and remembered. Robin was happy too. She remembered how far they had come and what they had both been through.

“I want you to stay with me forever”, he mumbled and looked at her. 

Robin blushed and smiled  shily . Did he mean what he said? He brushed their noses together and smiled down at her. They danced, had a drink, chatted and headed home late. When they were in bed together, he once more brought up what he had said earlier.

“I meant it Robin. I don’t want you to ever leave.”

She smiled at him in the dark and shuffled closer, resting her head against his shoulder while his arms automatically pulled her closer. 

“I won’t leave”, she promised quietly. 

His lips brushed over hers and he kissed her softly. This was enough for now, he thought before she fell asleep in his arms. 

The next few days Robin prepared everything for Christmas. She baked, she cleaned, she got the presents and  Cormoran worked hours and hours to wrap everything up before Christmas dinner with their friends. Robin had invited  Ilsa and Nick over after they had talked about it. Two days before Christmas he got her to buy a small tree for their flat, they decorated together that night and Robin loved it. After finishing decorating, they made love by the tree on the living room floor and he once more let her take control. On Christmas Eve Nick and  Ilsa arrived punctually for dinner.

“I’m so happy you could make it”, Robin said and Nick and  Ilsa hugged her happily and greeted  Cormoran after as well. 

“Thanks for the invitation”,  Ilsa said and handed her two presents.

“Oh that wasn’t necessary.”

“I’m sure you’ll enjoy it. This is really lovely”,  Ilsa then said while Robin quickly showed her the flat and they talked. 

“How are things  Oggy ?”, Nick asked his friend while the two men opened a bottle of beer each.

“All fine here. Lots of work. But things are good.”

“And between Robin and you?”

“Couldn’t be better.” Nick smiled happily. “I really love her Nick.”

“I’m so happy to hear that.”

“How are things at  uni and with  Ils ?”

“ Uni’s great. About to finish soon and so will  Ils . I’m thinking of proposing to her Corm. I think it’s about time.”

“That’s great news!”, Strike said happy for his friends. “When?”

“Maybe tomorrow. I already got the ring.”

Cormoran put his hand on his friends' shoulder and smiled. The young doctor smiled back and then both clinked bottles when  Ilsa stepped to them while Robin got the dinner ready.

“ Cormoran this is so lovely. I’m so proud of what you made here. And Robin is so lovely”,  Ilsa quietly said to him and he once more smiled.

“Yes, I really love her.”

They had dinner soon and talked about the usual stuff. University, work, how things where. About his sister Lucy and a bit of family stuff. Robin carefully listened since she had not all the information about his family yet and she wanted to learn as much as she could about it. He talked about his little sister and that she would marry soon and that the wedding was in spring.  Ilsa and Nick where delighted and happy for Lucy while Robin was sulking a bit. She had never heard about those things and it made her a bit angry that he never told her and she barely knew anything about his family. Strike felt her bad mood and took her hand under the table to calm her a bit. Robin withdrew her hand and started to clean the kitchen.  Ilsa helped her a bit before they got another bottle of wine and returned to the table.  Cormoran carefully eyed her. He had no idea why she was this mad at him. What had he said or done in front of his friends?

It was late when Nick and  Ilsa left them, hugging both  Cormoran and Robin. As soon as their friends had left, he took her hand again and asked her what was wrong. 

“What’s wrong?”, his voice asked softly and careful. 

Robin knew he must have had his reasons, but still she was upset. Why hadn’t he said anything? Told her about his sister and her wedding? That he even had a sister and siblings? He knew all of her, but Robin still seemed to know nothing about him.  Even after everything that had happened, Robin felt left out. She felt as if a huge pace still separated them sometimes. The young woman sighed once more and let go of his hand, cleaning up while thinking about how to tell him.  Cormoran was worried but stayed silent and gave her some more time and space.

“I know nothing about your family”, she then said. “I had no idea that you have a sister and that she'll marry in spring. Why do you never seem to tell me these things?”

“I don’t have the best of relationship to my family and siblings”, he explained carefully after a moment of silence. “Lucy and Al are the only ones I’ve some sort of contact with.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me?”

“I thought it wasn’t important.”

Robin stayed silent. Why would he think that? Was it really that bad? She didn’t want to hurt him with more questions so the young woman stayed silent and shoved her curiosity away. Strike scrutinized her and then stepped closer to hug her tightly. His strong arms pulled her into his chest and held her. 

“I’m sorry. I had no idea it is this important to you. It was quite a fucked-up time we all had. Lucy, Al and I. My mum was murdered, but her boyfriend wasn’t held responsible. My uncle and aunt took care of Lucy and me. Al has quite a good relationship with our father though and grew up with him. I can’t really understand why but Al is a good guy. You would like him and Lucy.”

Robin was stunned he told her all of this now. But she immediately understood why it was so hard for him.

“I’ve to be sorry”, she mumbled and he looked confused at her. “I’m sorry for your mum. I’m sorry that I pushed you. I shouldn’t have...”

“It’s fine baby”, he mumbled softly. “Just ask if you want to know and we can talk about it. I promise I do as good as I can because I don’t want to have any secrets from you.”

He knew that he could trust her with this. With his past. He also knew that it was important to her and he had to give her a bit of information, at least a bit. Strike held  er from behind, his face nestled in her neck. Her arms rested on his while he had slung his around her belly and Robin was as close as she could be. 

“Will you go to your sister's wedding?”, Robin asked carefully after another moment of silence.

“I didn’t intent to. Her fiancé is a douche.”

“But if she invites you, don’t you think that she would want you to be there?”

“I don’t know”, he confessed but this time Robin could hear the insecurity in his voice.

Best if she would drop this then...

“Please promise me you’re not mad at me anymore”,  Cormoran then said unexpectedly.

Robin turned and softly kissed him.

“I’m not. As I said I’m sorry I’ve pushed you but thank you for telling me.”

He smiled down at her and once more captured her lips softly. Robin hummed happily and smiled into their kiss. A few minutes later they parted, continued cleaning and then made their way to bed since it was late. 


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> small but very dark new chapter I do hope you guys enjoy :) 
> 
> belated Merry Christmas and happy holidays my dears <3
> 
> edit 17th FEB: omg I just found the biggest mistake I made in this and I'm sooo sorry! will update this chapter asap bc of it so this makes still sense 🙈🙈

The next morning a loud banging woke them both up. Robin startled in his arms and both sat up confused. He slipped in some pants and his prothesis before he made his way to the other room to answer the door. Robin looked at the clock by the nightstand. It wasn’t even 6am yet and still dark outside. She rubbed her tired eyes when she heard some loud shouting.

“Open the door! Police!”

“Hang on!”,  Strike  grumbled while slipping into his t-shirt before he unlocked the door and two strong men shoved him inside , grabbed and handcuffed him.

“Oi! What the hell is going on!”, Strike shouted and tried to get free but they wouldn’t let him.

“Cormoran Strike”, an elderly police officer said and quickly showed him his badge. “I’m DI Owen Carter and I’m here to arrest you for being involved in the rape of Miss Robin Ellacott and for tampering with evidence.”

He read him his rights when Robin showed up quite shocked. Apparently, she had heard what the DI had said. That he was involved in her case. 

“This can’t be”, she mumbled and the DI looked to her. 

His eyes lingering on her and Strike didn’t like this guy at all.

“It can Miss. We have clear evidence and a witness.”

“A witness for what?”, Strike asked. “I have done nothing.”

“We’ll see about that. Get him his coat!”, he ordered one of the men who obeyed. 

Strike knew all too well that there was nothing he could do for now than obey and head with them. Robin started crying now and stepped closer where she grabbed his t-shirt.

“This can’t be”, she said and looked up into his blue eyes.

“I’ve nothing to do with this”, he said softly and she knew he was right. “Call Hardy”, he said, quickly pressed a kiss to her lips before she was pulled away and he was shoved out and downstairs where a police car was waiting.

“You truly believe him?”, the DI said. “The man that was involved in your rape?”

“He wasn’t!”, Robin said sure and she felt uncomfortable in the presence of the DI who eyed her once more.

“He was”, the other man once more said and then left her. 

Shaken by what had just happened, Robin stood in their flat and tried not to cry. Call Hardy, he had said. Instead, she got her phone with shaking hands and called Ilsa who picked up sleepily.

“I’m so sorry to wake you”, Robin sniffed and tried to keep control over her voice and body who was still shaking. “It’s Cormoran. He got arrested.”

“He what?!”, Ilsa said and was fully awake now.

“Police came here. Some DI Carter. He arrested him for being involved in my rape case. I don’t believe him. Cormoran would never do this. He would never harm me.”

Despite trying not to cry, she now sobbed uncontrollably and sank on the sofa where she shook all over.  Ilsa heard Robin cry at the other end of the phone while she sat up. Nick was half awake as well and carefully listened. 

“No, he wouldn’t”, Ilsa agreed with Robin. 

Cormoran would never harm her in any way. He loved her far too much for this. Robin dried her tears with the hem of her pullover and tried to gain control.

“He said I should call Hardy”, she sniffed. “But I’m worried. Please, couldn’t you do something?”

“I’m not sure I can Robin. Meanwhile try not to worry too much. They won’t do much than to question him for now. Do you want me to come over?”

“No…. I…. I think I’ll manage.”

"Alright. If you need us, just call. Okay?”

Robin agreed and Ilsa hang up and Nick looked questioningly at her.

“What’s wrong?”

“Robin called. They arrested Cormoran. They think he’s involved in her rape somehow. But I doubt it. I mean he loves her. He would never harm her.”

“He wouldn’t”, Nick agreed. “He told me he’s investigating the case. With some friend’s help. Does she want us to come over?”

“No”, Ilsa shook her head. “But I’m worried about her. We should look after her.”

Nick agreed and they decided to head to London and look for her after breakfast.

Meanwhile Robin tried to get a grip. She had to find Hardy’s number and get Cormoran out of this situation. She quickly showered and dressed and headed downstairs to the office where she hoped to find some information. She made her way to the office downstairs in hope to find some clue what had gotten Cormoran into this situation. She rummaged around his desk and after ages found a copy of a police file in a hidden drawer. When she looked at it closer, she could see that it was her own file. Surprised how he – a simple detective – could even get this, she held it in her hand, struggling to open it to look for more information. The images of that night still haunted her. With shaking fingers Robin finally opened it after a few minutes but there was no information. Frustrated she sank on his chair when she saw his black notebook on the desk. Hopeful to find something, she opened it and looked through it and found the name Hardacre with a telephone number scribbled underneath. With shaking hands, she took his phone on the desk and called the number in the notebook.

“Oggy?”, a dark voice said at the other end.

“Hello? Is this Hardy?”, she asked insecure.

“Yes. Who’s this?”

“I’m Robin Ellacott. I’m Cormoran’s girlfriend”, she explained and hoped that he would remember her though. “He said to call.”

“Oh yes, Robin!”, he said when he remembered. “Is he in trouble?”, Hardy then asked alarmed immediately.

“He... Yes. He got arrested.”

Robin had no idea if it was wise to tell him everything so she stayed silent. 

“Why’s that? What do they suspect?”, Hardacre wanted to know.

“That he’s involved in my rape”, she then said quietly.

“Where did they take him?”, the man at the other end said after both where silent for a while.

“I don’t know. A DI Carter was here and arrested him. I don’t know more.”

Some tears streamed down her face again and he could clearly hear the worry and distress in her voice. He swore quietly and sighed for a moment.

“I told him to be more careful with this”, Hardy grumbled. “I’ll sort this out. I’ll call you as soon as I can.”

With this the other had hung up and Robin was alone again. Not sure what to do. 


	28. Chapter 28

Strike was quietly transferred into Scotland Yard and put in a cell. He stayed calm and tried not to lose his temper at these ridiculous accusations of DI Carter. He sat at the hard bench and waited. Thinking about Robin. He should have told her more than just to call Hardy. Yet he couldn’t since his friend would get a lot of problems if anyone found out that he helped him. But she was a clever girl. She knew how to look für his number. Meanwhile he waited for the police officers to come and pick him up for the questioning. He knew how those things work. He had done this himself a lot of times. But the DI didn’t come. They just let him sit and he had to wait. After quite some time he lost his temper and started pacing through the cell. In the evening DI Carter visited him. 

“You know you can’t keep me here longer than 24h without proof”, Strike said calmer now and waited. 

“Oh I have proof. We’re just looking for a nice free cell”, Carter said happily and smiled. 

“What proof! I demand to speak to a lawyer and see the evidence presented!” 

“You have nothing to demand you fucking rapist!” 

“I did nothing! I could never harm her!”, Strike shouted angry and lost his temper once more. “I know how these things work! Get me a lawyer and the fucking proof!” 

“You will get nothing. You don’t have any right to demand anything!”, Carter shouted and then left again. 

Strike shouted his frustration into the loneliness of his cell and sat on the small uncomfortable bench again. Then he waited. He waited for the next day to arrive and for the police to transfer him. But that day never came. The next evening, DI Carter returned in a bad mood and opened his cell. 

“You can leave”, he said and handed him his release papers. 

Stunned but fully well knowing that Hardy probably had his hands in this, he quickly got his stuff and left Scottland Yard. Outside a young police officer stepped closer. 

“Mr Strike!”, he said and Cormoran stopped. “I’m supposed to give you this”, he said and handed him an envelope. 

Strike took it and looked at the young man. 

“Thank you.” 

“I’m happy you’re out and things are sorted. Ms Ellacott was quite resistant with seeing you.” 

“She was here?” 

“Yes, yesterday”, the young man said. “I’m sorry I couldn’t let her in. I had my orders from DI Carter.” 

“It’s fine. Thank you Mr...” 

“Wardle”, the young one said and they shook hands. “Eric Wardle.” 

“Thank you, Wardle”, Strike said and left for Denmark Street. 

When he was by the tube, he opened the letter. As he had expected it was from Hardy. 

_Oggy,_

_your girl phoned and informed me about this situation. I told you to be careful! I sorted this for you and found some more information I’m sure you want. Be careful how to proceed now. I can’t get you out of this a second time._

_You’ve a very nice girl. Take care of her._

_Hardy_

He did not look at the evidence in the envelope. He put it away and decided to check it out in the more private setting of his office. He just wanted to go home and see Robin. Thank her for what she had done. It took him another fifteen minutes until he was home. He opened the door and headed upstairs to their flat. But Robin wasn’t there. 

“Robin?”, he asked in the quietness of their flat. 

He headed downstairs to the office in hope to find her there. The door was open and he stepped inside. 

“Robin”, he said in the empty room and then heard some rustling in his office. 

“Cormoran?”, she said and a moment later she was by his side and hugged him tightly. “Cormoran, I was so worried”, she said. “They wouldn’t let me get to you and this DI...” 

She shuddered and he held her tighter, kissing her hair. 

“I’m so sorry. For everything. Thank you though, for contacting Hardy.” 

She held him close. Didn't want to let go because she was just happy to have him back. 

“You don’t believe anything they said, do you?”, he asked worried. 

“No. No, I don’t!”, she said and looked up into his blue eyes. “I know you would never do this to me.” 

“Never”, Cormoran confirmed. “Hardy wrote me. He’s got a new lead on your case though. Do you want me to investigate further? I know I should have told you before but I...” 

“No, it’s fine. Don’t apologize. But please, be careful.” 

“I will be”, he promised and kissed her hair once more while he only held her in his arms. 

“We should head upstairs. You look tired”, he said and was only now aware that it was late in the evening. 

“Do you want to eat?”, she asked. “You surely haven’t had anything decent.” 

“No, I’m fine. Just a shower and then some sleep”, he confessed and smiled before he softly kissed her and they headed upstairs. 

Robin was happy to have him back. Yet she was worried about the whole thing. Despite Hardy’s interference she was sure that this wasn’t over. She was worried what would happen next or what Cormoran would find out. Robin changed and headed to bed, waiting for him while Strike took a shower and thought about the case. He had to get this going and finish it. After his shower he headed to grab the letter from his coat and he looked into it. Hardy had sent him some CCTV pictures. From a pub here in London. He saw the familiar face of Charlotte and a not so familiar one, Matthew. 

“What the hell...”, he mumbled and looked through another picture of these two. 

He quickly looked through the pictures and found some others that showed Charlotte meeting up with a sinister looking guy. 

He was huge, broad shoulders, bald, tattooed and quite familiar with her. There were a few pictures and one where Charlotte shoved an envelope towards him on the table. Why were these pictures connected to Robin’s case? And why was Charlotte and Matthew involved? He still hadn’t found out their full connection to this. He put the pictures back in the envelope and into his coat pocket and headed to their bedroom where Robin was waiting for him. He got rid of his prothesis and lay beside her. Immediately Robin got closer and he pulled her into his arms, kissing her hair. 

“Will you tell me more about Hardy and how he’s involved in all this?”, she asked quietly and shily after a while of silence. 

“He’s a good friend from the army. He was my superior and we were on the road quite a lot. I asked him for a favour considering the case.” 

She was thankful that he talked about _the_ case and not _her_ case.   
“The file”, she mumbled.   
“Yes, how do you know?” 

“I saw it. I... I was wondering how you would get to this, but now it explains it. Hardy got it, didn’t he?” 

“Yes, he did”, he smiled then it suddenly hit him. “Shit...” 

“What?”, she asked worried. 

“I forgot that today’s Boxing Day! I’m sorry I ruined our first Christmas.” 

Robin softly laughed and kissed his cheek. 

“You’re sweet for remembering it. But it’s fine. I’m just glad I got you back. And the presents won’t run away.” 

He laughed and kissed her. He was quite happy that she wasn’t mad and he had her back. Had her trust after everything that happened the last 48 hours. 

“Have I told you that I love you?” 

She laughed and smiled happily while he kissed her once more softly and they fell asleep in each other's arms soon. 

The next morning Cormoran woke by Robin moving. It took him a few moments to realise that she had a nightmare. She had fisted her hands in the sheets, eyes closed and mumbling. Sweat was on her forehead and tears on her cheeks. Shit! Immediately he softly tried to wake her. 

“Robin, please wake up baby. Wake up!” After a few tries she did and looked around confused. “Sch... it’s all good. Look at me. It was only a dream.” 

She cried now and shuffled closer so Cormoran pulled her in his arms and tried to calm her down. He knew that this was her first nightmare in weeks and it made him sad. He felt responsible for it, responsible that he had involved her in her case again, fully well knowing what this would probably do to her. 

“I’m sorry... Sch... It’s fine, please stop crying love. I can’t bear to watch you cry.” 

Robin tried but the images of her dream were still there. The man above her. Cormoran in jail. The man’s smell... It took some more time to calm down and when she was calmer, he worriedly looked at her, whipping her tears away and then holding her close again. 

“I’m sorry, I... Just a bad dream”, she mumbled after a while. 

“It’s fine. I’ve to be sorry. I brought back all the memories due to the case. I should have never involved you in this.” 

“It’s fine, really. It's not your fault.” 

He knew that she lied but stayed silent. It wouldn’t do them any good if he started arguing with her about this. After a while in his arms, Robin softly shoved him away and smiled. 

“Do you want to have breakfast?” 

“Alright”, he agreed and they both made their way to the kitchen and had a late breakfast. 

Her mood lit up during it and they talked about Christmas and what to do today. They agreed on having a walk later and dinner out. After cleaning up their dishes, they finally opened the presents. Cormoran was quite excited when he handed Robin his gift. It was a tiny package and beautifully wrapped. When she opened it, Robin found an elegant dark blue, velvet box. Immediately she knew that he had probably spend quite some money on this. Robin looked to him again and saw the excitement and nervousness in his eyes. 

“Open it”, he urged her with a smile and she did. 

The box contained a beautiful set of earrings. About seven centimetres long, with a pearl at the end and diamonds on the way up to the clip. They were of platinum and the pearls where drop-shaped. Robin held her breath. Wow... She was stunned by them. 

“Cormoran... This... They are beautiful but I can’t take them.” 

“Why not?” 

“You spend way too much money on this... I can’t take it.” 

He smiled and shook his head. 

“I spend nothing on it. They were my mum’s.” She blushed and he smiled. “It’s the only thing I have of her beside a few pictures. Apparently, they were from her mum. I want you to have them.” 

“Thank you”, she said, kissed and hugged him tightly while she cried a little. 

It was a meaningful present and she knew how much he had loved his mum so this was special in every way. 

“You can wear them tonight when I take you to dinner”, he said and kissed her again. 

“Thank you”, she mumbled once more. 

“Now, let’s unpack some more, shall we?” 

She laughed and both did. He got a nice bottle of Whiskey from Nick and Ilsa and his sister had gotten him an Arsenal PJ from her and his nephews. Robin laughed and teased him with it but yet she knew that this meant something to him. Ilsa and Nick had gotten Robin a nice warm scarf and her parents had gotten her some books for school she needed and couldn’t really afford and some chocolates and warm gloves. Then it was time for Cormoran to unpack Robin’s present. 

She had gotten him a new notebook, a warm new scarf when he was on the road and a tiny photobook with pictures of them. He loved it. 

“Thanks love”, he mumbled and looked at a silly picture of them during dinner a while back. 

Happier times when he still had plans for them. Plans he now couldn’t do with his leg. Strike shoved the thought away and concentrated on the here and now. He was happy to still be here and have Robin by his side. 

The rest of the day they simply enjoyed each other's company. They headed for a walk through the park, made love and headed to a nice dinner in a small restaurant. Robin wore his mother’s earrings and a lovely dark blue dress. She looked stunning and suddenly he felt like the luckiest man in the world. Then something happened that he didn’t expect. Charlotte showed up while Robin was on the toilette. 

“Hello Bluey”, she said and flashed him a special Charlotte smile. 

“Hello Charlotte”, he simply said. 

“So nice to see you. I didn’t expect you to be here. Not really your league isn’t it?”, she asked smug and sat on Robin’s seat. “Bluey I miss you”, she then said and tried to take his hand but he pulled it away. “Don’t you miss me?” 

“No.” 

“I heard about your girlfriend”, she spit the word out as if it was poisoned. “I wonder why everyone appreciates her so much. She’s not even very pretty and her mental health is a mess.” 

He shot her an angry look but stayed silent. Charlotte seemed to ignore it and continued. 

“And she’s so young. How do you keep up with her? But I guess it’s the sex. You’re surely just addicted to her because the sex is good. Well if you can say good with her lack of experience. Her boyfriend told me everything. Started to cry during sex”, she teased and laughed her shrill laugh. 

“Enough!”, he said and slapped his fist on the table that some people looked to them. “What do you want Charlotte? Spit it out or leave me and Robin alone!” 

“Hm... Temperamental”, she grinned. “I like it. I missed this on you. But what I want is simply that i want you back. Nothing more Bluey.” 

“Stop calling me that!” 

“Then what should I call you?”, she asked a bit angry now. “I told you to stay. But you rather headed off to work than staying with me and now you’re fucking that little slut! You ran away for her?” 

“It was over long before that and you know it!”, he clarified. “And I did my job. Nothing more. I told you how things would be and you accepted.” 

“I did not! You simply weren’t there all the time!” 

Cormoran had enough. Robin stepped closer, wondering what she was doing here. He could see her confused and concerned look and decided that it was time to get home if Charlotte wouldn’t leave them. 

“It’s over. Simply accept it and leave us alone”, he grumbled, got up and stepped to Robin. “Let’s go home.” 

He shoved Robin outside, to grab their coats and pay. She could feel his bad mood and stayed silent while he took her hand and guided her to the tube. It was crowded and they stood close. Some drunk stood close to Robin and she felt uncomfortable, getting closer to Cormoran. Then suddenly, she felt the other man’s hands on her, pinching her butt. She yelped in surprise and before she could do anything, Cormoran snapped and grabbed the drunk one at the lapels of his jacket. 

“Get your fucking paws off of my girl”, he said and the other one laughed. 

“C’mon mate, why not share her? I give you 50 bucks...” 

Cormoran snapped and hit the other one so his nose broke. The man howled in pain and people around them screamed in surprise and parted. Cormoran hit him once more before Robin got him to stop after a few more punches. 

“Cormoran stop!”, she shouted and he did. 

“Don’t you ever touch her!”, he said to the man who held his bleeding nose. 

“Alright man, alright!”, the other one mumbled and left hurriedly. 

Robin touched his arm and he looked down at her, touching her cheek softly. 

“Are you okay love?” 

“I am. Are you?” 

“Yes”, he answered confused about her question. “Let’s get home.” 

Their tube arrived and he pulled her in. Everyone kept their distance after what had just happened at the platform. Robin felt his bad mood and was worried. He continued to stay silent and guided her home. 

Once in their flat, Robin went to their bedroom and started to undress. She was sad how the day had ended, yet it had been so wonderful. A few tears dripped on her cheeks and she whipped them away angrily. It was ridiculous to cry now. Cormoran stepped inside their bedroom and saw her like this. She startled when she heard him behind her. 

“Baby, you’re not okay. What’s wrong?”, he wanted to know. 

“Nothing.” 

He stepped closer and carefully took her hand. Robin let him and shuffled closer into his arms. 

“I’m sorry. I know I scared you.” 

“No, it’s not that. Although you’ve been a bit rough to him.” 

“He shouldn’t have touched you then”, Strike grumbled still angry. 

“I’m confused why she showed up. What did she want?” 

“I don’t know”, he lied. “I told her she should leave us alone. I’m sorry she showed up and ruined our evening.” 

“It’s fine. We had a lovely day after all. Thank you for it.” 

Robin kissed him and stayed in his arms. His fingers played with a strand of her hair. He knew it wasn’t fine but he stayed silent. 

“I’m still sorry love.” 

“I told you it’s fine”, she smiled. “I had a few lovely days”, she said, remembering that she had to go to the office tomorrow. 

“You’re back to work tomorrow?”, he asked and she nodded. “Then we should probably head to bed. It’s late.” 

She agreed and both changed. It made him nuts to see her slowly undressing but he had some more work to do when she was asleep. So both got changed and headed to bed. As soon as she was asleep though, he got up again and headed downstairs to the office to once more look over her file and the new evidence. Then he called Shanker. 

“Bunsen?”, the voice of his friend picked up at the other end after only one ring. 

“How are things? Any news?” 

“Not really. We followed her and him but nothing. They are very careful. Although apparently both of them have an affair. They meet in a hotel a few times.” 

“What is this? Revenge?” 

“I have no idea Bunsen. You know your ex better than the rest of us. Is she crazy enough to do this?” 

“Probably”, Strike confessed. “Fuck... This is a mess Shanker.” 

“It is. I’ll stay on it though.” 

“Thanks mate.” 


	29. Chapter 29

When Robin woke the next morning, he wasn’t beside her and the sheets where cold. Robin looked for him and found him asleep by his desk. She let her hand slowly wander through his curls and smiled. After a quick note she headed back upstairs and got ready for work. When she left, he was still asleep, so she broke their usual routine of him getting her to work. It was cold outside, still dark and snowed a bit when she headed to the tube. The streets where still more or less empty, just a few people heading to work. Robin was nervous, she always was being out alone in the dark these days. But she tried to shove the uneasy feeling away and concentrated on her notebook. There were a few appointments today, even one with her therapist in the evening. 

Robin arrived at work 20 minutes later and headed to the tiny office she occupied. Like usual she was the first one in the office. She fired up her PC and grabbed herself some coffee where she met her younger boss in the tiny kitchen. 

“Good morning Robin.”   
“Good morning Sir”, she said and smiled softly. 

“Stephen, please”, he said and smiled as well. 

She liked him and was glad for all the support. He handed her a spoon and she stirred some milk into her coffee. 

“I hope you had a few calm days off?” 

“Oh yes”, she said. “It was lovely.” 

“Glad to hear that. Thanks for coming in. I’m sure you’d rather stayed at home like we all would.” 

“It’s fine, really. Do you want to see the new spreadsheets on the Wilson Project?”, she asked and both sat together and talked business for the next hours. 

It was midday when they parted, and Robin headed back to her office. She had a few e-mails she answered while having another cup of tea. Some from university, some from customers of their firm and one from Richard, her boss. The two brothers invited her to a dinner with some of their business partners. Robin was excited. This was truly a great chance to get things going in her career. She was grateful that the two brothers seemed to appreciate her work like this. Immediately she dialled Cormoran’s number to call him, but then decided against it. He probably was busy in the office and she didn’t want to disturb him. She was in her thoughts for a moment when it knocked. 

“Busy?”, Stephen asked and stepped inside. 

“Just answering some mails”, she said and he sat in the chair opposite her. 

Robin looked at him. He had blonde hair and wore a dark blue suit. He was trained, elegant and muscular yet he nor her brother ever made a move on her and she was thankful for it. He eyed her and she felt his eyes on her body. 

“Lovely dress. I suggest something even more elegant and expensive for our dinner though”, he said and Robin smiled. “You read the mail, didn’t you?” 

“I did. Thank you for this opportunity. I... I’m so looking forward to it. Although I'm not sure I have another dress for it than the green one”, she said. 

“I really liked the green one, but it’s not suitable for a business dress. Here...”, he stood up and handed her an envelope. “Get a new dress.” 

Robin opened the envelope and found a few hundred bucks in it. 

“I... I can’t take that.” 

“It’s a bonus. See it for the expenses for dinner.” 

“But...” He laughed. “Thank you.” 

“Hungry?”, he then asked, and she nodded. “I’m heading to lunch. Wanna come?” 

“Oh... I...” 

“Come on. You barely take a break these days and you need to eat.” 

She agreed and he got her coat from the hook, helped her in and the two of them headed out to lunch. He guided her into one of those fancy bars Robin only ever walked past. They had a small table by the window and he talked business to her the whole time. Robin didn’t feel uncomfortable in his company. She ordered something small since the costs where insane and she didn’t want to spend too much. She and Cormoran needed every penny for the office and to live. He realised. 

“Don’t look at the prices. I’ll invite you.” 

She still sticked to her small meal and some water. 

An hour later they were back at the office and continued working. Some more meetings, statistics, tactics and she had to tell Robert and Stephen about how university was going. 

“I’m very pleased that university is going well”, Robert said while the three of them sat together with a cup of tea in the early evening. “You got my mail about the dinner?” 

“Yes Sir”, she said excited again. 

“I want you to learn everything you can about our partner and find a way to support them in the upcoming business transition with another firm.” She nodded. “Furthermore, I want you to recruit someone who’s supposed to help you. You’ve so much overtime and the workload got much more than at the beginning. Especially when we changed your range of work. You’ll need some support with this.” 

She nodded again and then looked to Stephen who scrutinized her in his thoughts. Robert looked to his younger brother who nodded as well. 

“You will also get a pay rise and will travel with me to some partners in America.” 

Robin was shocked. What had just happened? Yet she stayed calm, nodded and after a while got back to her office. The whole day had been overwhelming and it was late when she left the office and headed to her therapist a few streets away. Once more, like in the morning, she felt as if she was being watched and followed, shoved the stupid thought away though. She arrived at the stunning house and knocked where she was buzzed in and greeted by her therapist. They sat in the small living room and had some tea. 

“How are you Robin?” 

“I’m okay. Busy day”, she said yet was still in her thoughts. 

“You look good. Had a few calm days with your boyfriend?” Robin nodded. “How is your anxiety? How are the panic attacks?” 

“Quite ok at the moment.” 

“You do your training?” 

“Yes.” 

“You seem absent though”, her therapist remarked after a moment of silence. “Something’s bothering you. What is it?” 

“Work was quite eventful. I’m still not sure what to think about it all.” 

“Want to talk about it?” 

Robin shook her head and sipped from her tea. She stayed silent most of the time and barely answered today so both soon decided to quit today’s session and she made her way home. 

She walked to the tube and once more felt weird. Watched. The tube was crowded. Full of people, busy heading home from work or out to have dinner or drinks. She was careful to stay with people around and quickly headed home to number six when she arrived in Denmark Street. As soon as she had closed the door to their flat, she felt calmer and breathed out. Her racing heart calmed down. Her nervousness was gone a few minutes later. She got rid of her coat and looked around. Their flat was empty and she wondered where Cormoran was. Maybe in the office, she thought and headed downstairs but it was locked. Confused that he hadn’t left a note like usual, she headed upstairs again and took a hot shower. She was tired and mentally exhausted so she headed to bed afterwards.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys,  
> small chapter for the weekend :)   
> I have actually no clue where the story is heading right now... None at all *laughs* Probalby all this will end in a lot of tears and hearbreak like usual ^^ I still hope you like how this turned out.   
> Wish you all a wonderful weekend. Stay safe <3  
> love, Y.

Cormoran was on the road. He had a lead for the case he was currently on. He took some photos of his mark when his phone vibrated in his pocket. He was worried that it was Robin, but it was Shanker instead. 

“Shanker?”, he asked while his eyes held contract to his target.

“I got a lead on Robin’s case. The man Charlotte gave money to. I found him.”

“That’s brilliant news”, Strike admitted. “Keep an eye on him, will ya? I need everything that ties them together and Robin of course. Is he still following her? Is he still watching her? Get me all the information.”

“Will do Bunsen”, Shanker said and hung up.

He would have done it himself but after his meeting with the police, he was careful. They still wanted his arse. He watched his mark for a few more hours until it was late. He was worried since he hadn’t heard anything from Robin so he made his way home to look after her. He was glad that he found her asleep in their bedroom. Everything seemed to be alright. Yet he could see that her sleep was uneasy. She mumbled his name and something about leaving and work. Confused what all this was about, he quietly left her again, took a shower and sat over today’s notes and pictures. It was early in the morning when he heard her get up. Tired she opened the door and smiled as soon as she saw him. She wore one of his old t-shirts and some panties. Her hair was ruffled and her cheeks a bit blushed. Barefoot Robin got to him and he pulled her into his arms before he softly kissed her and she sat on his lap.

“Good morning”, Strike mumbled softly into her ear. 

“Morning”, she mumbled and he kissed her nose. “Since when are you back? I didn’t hear you come in.”

“It was late. You needed some sleep”, he said and looked at her.

She was cold so she got closer and he held her tight.

“Why didn’t you wake me so I could get you to work. You know I don’t like it when you’re out alone”, Cormoran asked concerned. “Especially in the dark.”

“You know, you need some sleep as well”, she teased. “And I was fine.”

“But please wake me next time, okay?” She nodded and just sat here while he held her, scrutinizing her.  ”Are you okay?”

“Yes... I.... Just some stuff at work.”

She had no idea how to tell him about the business dinner, yet alone that she had to go to America with her boss. He let a thumb slide over her cheek.

“When do you have to be at work?”

“My boss said that I could come whenever I like so I got time. Although there’s a ton of work waiting for me”, she sighed.

“ So what do you say, if we both get a shower and then head out for breakfast?”

“I’d like that”, she said, quite happy to spend some more time with him before both of them would be grabbed by work once more and pulled away from each other. “’I’ll go and have a shower. Do you wanna come?”, she said and winked.

He laughed and already was halfway up when his mobile interrupted them. He looked at the screen where he saw a familiar number.

“I’ll be right behind”, he said and she sighed and headed to the bathroom alone.

He didn’t show up and when she returned, only wrapped in a towel, he looked sad. 

“Are you okay?”, she carefully asked and he nodded. 

“Yes. I’m sorry just a call from an old friend.”

“Still up for breakfast?”, Robin wanted to know.

“I... I can’t. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine”, she mumbled but he could clearly hear her disappointment. 

Robin made her way back to their bedroom and quickly dressed. She decided on some simple light pink lace lingerie before she slipped into a tight black skirt and simple light blue blouse. 

“You look so beautiful love”, he mumbled while he stood by the door and had watched her.

“Will you be home tonight?”, she wanted to know. “I could cook.”

“I hope so. Shall I get you to work?”

“No, it’s fine. I’ll take the bus.” She stepped to him and let her hand slide over the stubbles on his cheek. “Are you sure you’re alright Cormoran?”

“I am. Don’t worry.”

She kissed him before Robin made her way to work. Like usual she arrived early and started work to forget about what troubled her at home. It was rough lately. First his leg, then her being... She couldn’t even think about it without shivering. And now both being bussy all the time, him getting mysterious calls and then her work. Her bosses relied on her more and more and Robin was happy that it turned out this good. She had a slight headache and rubbed her temples when it knocked and Stephen slipped into the chair in front of her desk that was covered in papers and statistics and applications.

“You okay?”

“Yes... Just a slight headache.”

“You seem worried. Is something wrong?”

“No, all fine”, she smiled.

“Have you looked at the applications? There are a few interesting applicants I’m sure you’d like.”

“I’ll look over it later.”

“We have a meeting with one of your business partners later. Don’t forget it.”

“I won’t. I already got the presentation here.”

“And we got a lunch date with one CEO of a company from America on Monday. Got a dress already?”

“No... I haven’t had the time.”

“Let me take you then. After work. I know a good shop.”

“Oh... I....”

“No strings attached”, he said and smiled but Robin knew that there must be something.

Something that interested him and made him care this much. Yet she was too afraid to ask, scared of the consequences. 

“Alright”, she agreed instead and he smiled happily. 

“Great! See you at the meeting then.”

He left and Robin got back to work. The meeting was calm and soon over and it was lunchtime when she got back to her office. She smiled when she saw a bunch of tulips on her desk. She read the card while she smiled. They were from Cormoran.

_ I’m sorry about earlier. Please forgive me. Dinner tonight?  _ _ Cx _ __

She smiled and put up her phone to text him back. 

_ Thanks for the flowers. They are lovely. Looking forward to dinner tonight. Rx _

A few minutes later she received an answer.

_ I’ll pick you up after work. Love you.  _ _ Cx _

She smiled and got back to work when it knocked and a delivery boy stood in front of her.

“Miss Ellacott?”

“Yes?”

“Lunch for you.”

She smiled and took the large bag. She thanked the young man and looked into it. A bowl of soup and a fantastic smelling chicken sandwich with some lemonade. She looked for another note but couldn’t find one. Had Cormoran got her lunch as well?

“I thought you could be hungry”, Stephen said instead, standing by her office entrance once more.

“It’s from you?” He nodded. “Thank you.”

“ You're welcome.”

He left her again and she dug in, truly hungry. The soup and the sandwich were delicious and she worked through the rest of the day until Stephen once more stood by her door and knocked at the frame.

“Ready to spend some money?”, he asked. 

She had completely forgotten about it. 

“Give me a moment”, she said and he waited patiently in her chair while she packed everything she needed. 

Ten minutes later they made their way downstairs and headed to a cab. He softly guided her inside and ordered the cabbie to drive to a store she never heard of.

“You’ll like it”, he said while she took her phone and texted Cormoran.

_ Will head to the city. Need to collect something for work. Will be home later. Sorry. Rx _

A few minutes later his answer arrived.

_ No problem. Got held up at a case. Call when you’re done.  _ _ Cx _

“Boyfriend?”, Stephen wanted to know.

“Yes. We’ll head to have dinner later.”

“And the tulips were from him as well?”

“Yes. An apology”, she mumbled.

“Apology?”

“We barely see each other. He’s very busy with the office and I’m as well.”

“I like him. He’s a nice guy. You’re a lucky girl.”

She blushed and looked out of the window that got them to an expensive part of the city. A few minutes later, the cab stopped and they got out. Stephen guided her into a fancy looking shop where a young lady was immediately by their side and offered her help.

“The young lady needs some dresses for a business lunch and dinner and something for the office. CEO stuff”, he winked and the young woman blushed.

“Alright.  Follow me please.”

She guided Robin and her boss into a private area with a couch and a huge cabin where Robin could try on stuff. She put her bag on a table and waited uncomfortable. Stephen sat on the sofa and immediately there was a second girl who got him some coffee.

“Do you want something to drink Miss? Champagne?”

“No, thank you.”

The first girl returned and discussed what they had. 

“I think one for dinner and lunch would do”, Robin said when she realised the price tags on some dresses.

The young woman was stunned but agreed and they looked through the wide range. Robin opted for a light grey sheath dress with a small black belt and short sleeves. The saleslady opted for some cream high heels and a cream purse. Robin loved it. 

“Found something?”, she heard Stephen from outside.

“Yes.”

“Want to show  me?”, he teased and Robin laughed a bit.

Even though she would have rather not, she stepped outside of the changing room and showed him. His eyes lingered on her for a moment and he nodded.

“I like it. Nice for lunch. But you need more than one dress. We’re heading to America soon and will have a bunch of meetings and lunches and dinners with business partners. Get her more dresses”, he said to the saleswoman and the young woman vanished.

“Oh no... Stephen... I can’t. I don’t have the money.”

“Business expenses”, he waved at her protest and she shook her head.

“Really, I can’t.”

“No protests Robin. It’s what Robert and I agreed. We want you in our company. Deal with this.”

And  so she did. Trying on dresses, gowns, trousers and outfits and after two hours they finally left the shop with a bunch of bags. Oh god... How had this happened? 

“Shall I get you home?”

“I.... I have to call Cormoran first”, she said and pulled out her mobile phone while he held the bags.

He didn’t  pick up and Robin sighed.

“I’ll head home first”, she said and Stephen already waved at a cab and got her to Denmark Street, being decent enough to part with her downstairs though.

“Thank you for everything”, Robin said and he smiled at her.

“You’re welcome Robin. Enjoy your dinner.”

“Thank you.”

She headed upstairs with the bags and wasn’t surprised to find their flat empty. She put the bags into the bedroom beside the armchair and tried to call Cormoran again. Once more he didn’t pick up and Robin got worried. He had promised and had asked her to call. Was something wrong? She texted him before heading to a shower and then into bed to get over the applications she had received today.

Cormoran was exhausted. His leg hurt, his whole body. His clothes where bloody and dirty. Limping and wiping the blood away from his eye with his shirt, he got upstairs to their flat. Fuck... What a mess. He should have known that this would end in a disaster when he had taken Hardy’s call in the morning. A case they needed his opinion since it was linked to one of his old cases, Hardy had said. Bullshit! They had sent him in as bait and now this... He had to admit that he had missed the thrill and excitement and had loved to be back. Feeling like the soldier he had been. Before he had lost his leg. They also had talked about more cases as external source and without hesitation Cormoran had agreed. He would be there and do, whatever he could. So tonight. Then their suspect had seen him. Remembering him. Another soldier was in hospital due to this and he blamed himself. Quietly because he had no idea if Robin was home or not, he opened the door. There was the light on in their bedroom and he quickly looked at her. She was fast asleep to the dim light on the bedside table and a huge number of papers around her. He sighed and quietly closed the door before he got to the bathroom. He got rid of his bloody and dirty clothes. Half-naked he stood by the sink, cleaning the cuts. Especially a large one on his arm and left pectoral. He had no idea how to explain the cuts to Robin. Explain what had happened. He bandaged his hand, sitting on the toilette seat and looked at his swollen leg. It was inflamed and the prothesis hurt him most of the time while walking. Hardy had urged him to go to the hospital but he had denied. There was no need. He would be fine. His cut above his eye brow still bleed heavily and he tried to stop it, what finally worked after what seemed like ages. Carefully he got up and grabbed himself a drink and some pain killers before he slumped into the sofa. Tiredness was slowly creeping into his mind, earlier shoved away by the familiar adrenaline rush. After finishing his drink and laying down with a blanket, he soon was asleep. 


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys and thank you so so much for over 5k hits on this story so far!   
> I'm very grateful and happy about it. So here's a longer and quite sexy chapter for you guys ;)   
> This will be my last update on "What If" this week bc a new Valentine's fic is coming on Sunday so stay tuned and keep an eye on my Twitter account for updates :) (@_fandomtrash_)  
> Thank you so much again for all the love this story has received so far, I really appreciate it. <3  
> love and stay safe, Y.

Robin woke late on Saturday and looked around. The bed beside her was untouched and the papers all ruffled by her side. Shit... She quickly picked them up and put them away before getting up and looking for Cormoran. She found him fast asleep on the sofa. His skin still showed the sign of blood and there where new bandages. Oh my god! Only hardly she managed to not wake him immediately and ask what had happened. He needed to rest, she reminded herself. But when she got to the bathroom, she completely lost it. She found his bloody, dirty and half ripped clothes on the ground. What had happened? Shocked and worried, she got out and looked at him. What was going on? He never answered his phone and came home like this? Softly she woke him. He tilted up and she tried to calm him down while she kneed by the sofa.

“Sch... It’s just me. Cormoran, are you alright? I found your clothes and all these new wounds...”

“It’s fine... Just a case”, he mumbled and looked at her, softly letting a finger slide over her cheek. “I’m sorry about dinner”, he said.

“Sod dinner! I want to know if you’re in trouble. I’m worried Cormoran. Seriously worried.”

“It’s all fine. It was just a job that went wrong.”

“You were at hospital?”

“No... No need.”

“ Well, I see that a bit differently”, she said and gestured to the bloody bandage around his shoulder.

“Shit”, he grumbled. 

It hadn’t been this bloody when he had fallen asleep. How long had he slept anyway? 

“I’ll call an ambulance”, she said and he didn’t protest.

Then minutes later some paramedics arrived and looked at him.

“We have to get you to ER. This needs some stitching up.”

He obeyed, dressed half-heartedly and they were off. Robin wore some pyjama pants and an old pullover and rode with him in the ambulance. She held his hand and he truly could see that she was worried.

It took quite some time and it was nearly midday when the two of them left hospital again. Cormoran stitched up and on drugs. She got him home and put him to bed.

“I’m sorry”, he mumbled and pulled her into a hug while she stood in front of him and he sat on the bed.

His head rested on her belly and she sighed. She couldn’t be angry with him. Not for long but this had been some serious shock for her. And she told him so.

“Don’t be. But please promise me you’ll be careful and next time get to hospital. I don’t want to lose you. Not over the job.”

“I will. I promise”, he mumbled and kissed her hand. 

“Now, get some rest. I’ll get some food. You must be hungry.”

He obeyed, lay down and fell asleep shortly after she had left the bedroom. Robin felt exhausted but still she managed to shower, head to the store and cook them something. His favourite pasta. When she returned with a tray, he was still asleep and snoring a bit. She smiled and put the tray aside before she sat on the bed beside him and let her hand slide through his dark curls. She barely had the chance to watch him sleep so she enjoyed the moment a bit. He looked relaxed and younger and she felt her heart swell at the picture. She truly loved him and after everything the both of them had been through the last year, she knew that they could make it. That this was right and that he was the one. She kissed his cheek and woke him.

“Cormoran... I got some food.” He hummed and opened his eyes slowly, smiling at her. “How are you feeling?”, she asked while brushing a curl out of his face.

“Better.  Hm... This smells fantastic. Pasta?”

Robin nodded smiling before he carefully sat up. His whole body hurt and he was still tired. When he sat, she handed him a bowl with the pasta and they ate in silence.

“Will you tell me?”, she carefully asked after dinner, after getting the dishes into the kitchen.

“Hardy asked me to help out. It all terribly went wrong when they saw and recognised me. Another man got wounded. We’re not sure he’ll make it.”

That was all he would tell her and Robin knew it so she just nodded and accepted his silence. 

“How was work?”

“Calm", she said, avoiding the question.

He took some more meds and soon went back to sleep while Robin worked over the applications and some statistics for their American partners. He found her asleep over the papers a few hours later when he woke up because he needed to pee. Curiously he looked at the papers and saw that there were applications and some stuff about an American company. There were appointments for dinner and lunch scribbled on a piece of paper and he was confused. He let his hand slip over her  strawberry blonde hair and smiled. Usually, he would have picked her up and put her to bed, but it was impossible now so he simply woke her.

“Let’s get you to bed, love”, Strike's soft voice said beside her and Robin nodded.

Sleepy she took his hand and they made their way to bed. Like usual she slid closer and rested her head at his strong chest. 

“Cormoran”, she then mumbled.

“Hm...”, he hummed while he kissed her temple.

“There’s something that I need to tell you...”

She had closed her eyes. He was warm and soft and she felt protected and calm in his presence. 

“What, love?”

But he didn’t receive an answer because she was already asleep by his side. Smiling he closed his eyes and fell asleep as well after a few moments.

_ Robin was in the office. She wore the grey dress Stephen had got her, returning from a meeting. She found a beautiful bouquet of white roses on her desk and smiled. When she looked for a card, it wasn’t from Cormoran. It was from their bosses. Glad that you belong to us now, it said. She found herself in the cab again. Stephen by her side. She wanted to go home, but instead he took her to another meeting. All the people were faceless and every time she tried to get out, she was back and there were more papers and meetings. She shouted for Cormoran. Shouted for his help but the only thing she found was a pile of bloody and dirty clothes on their bathroom floor. Robin stumbled and fell. The floor was hard and dirty and wet. She was alone again. Cold and dark around her. Books, groceries spilled nearby. The rough voice said her name. A big hand touched her and she screamed.... _

“Robin, wake up!”, Cormoran shouted and she did.

With panic in her eyes, she looked around, heavily breathing and sweat all over her body. Tears  streamed down her face and he tried to sooth her with some calming words.

“Sch... Calm down Robin. It’s all fine. You’re here. It’s me. We’re in our flat. No one’s here. Just us...”, he mumbled and did not dare to touch her.

Robin needed some time to control her emotions and when she had managed, she clung to him, still crying and breathless.

“Only a nightmare. Nothing else. Sch...”

He held her and kissed her hair. It was her first nightmare in days and he had thought that it had gone better but apparently it was still a regular thing. He just was there and Robin appreciated that he didn’t want to know any details. He never did. Robin also did the same with him, when he had a nightmare. Yet his problems with sleeping peacefully at night, had stopped a few weeks after his accident and his return home. After a while, he lay down again, pulling her with him. Still close. He groaned in pain and she got away but Strike didn’t want to hear any protest and pulled her into his arms once more. After a while and some more soothing words of him, Robin was asleep again.

The next morning, she woke in his arms, still close. Still pressed to his firm and warm chest. She smiled and let her thoughts drift. Robin had to tell him about America. About her bosses. Also, it soon would be New Year’s Eve and she decided that she would take the day off to celebrate with him. They needed more time together. They needed back the calmness and routine they had shared during Christmas. After a while he started to woke up and soon kissed her on the forehead when he realised. 

“Morning love.”

His dark, sleepy voice made her shiver. Oh god... She smiled and looked up to him, pressing their lips together. Slowly, lazy morning kisses. He hummed happily.

“Slept well?”, Strike then wanted to know concerned but Robin nodded. 

“I always sleep better with you by my side. You should know that”, she teased.

“Seems like I forgot. We should head to bed together more often again. I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologising!”, she laughed. “You got work. I got work. It’s busy but we’ll manage. We always do.”

“We do”, he grinned and kissed her once more.

The small reassurance of her, that everything was fine and they’d manage, made Cormoran incredibly happy and Robin felt it, feeling better as well. Then he remembered that she had wanted to tell him something important last night and he reminded her.

“You wanted to tell me something last night. Sounded important.”

“Oh... I....”

Robin had completely forgotten about it. She blushed under his look and nodded. Get a grip girl! He needs to know!

“It’s about work”, the young woman then confessed while he stayed silent and just listened. “My bosses rely on me. As you know, I did a lot of overtime during the last weeks. My assignments had changed rapidly from doing HR stuff to being there for my bosses entirely. Doing statistics, helping on plans for new customers. All that stuff. They are both very nice. I mean you met them at the Christmas party and they somehow like the work I do. I...”

She stopped and he waited patiently, looking at Robin who now sat beside him and  kneaded her fingers in her lap. He took her hand and reassured her that it was fine. Whatever she would say.

“Just spit it out.”

“My boss Stephen... The younger one of the two, will head to America to one of our partners for business and wants me to come with him.”

Robin avoided his look for a moment. Worried about his reaction. Worried that he would forbid her to go. That he would make her stay. Yet when she once more looked at him, his reaction gave nothing away. Strike was completely calm. He didn’t like it. Not one bit. Yet he knew that she couldn’t refuse. And she seemed to be happy in her job so if she declined, he was sure that she would get into trouble. It was inconvenient and he hated her to see her leave with another, younger and healthier guy. Someone who could easily have her if she wanted. But he had done some research on the brothers. Precautions – as he liked to call it in his mind. Both haven’t had a history of harassing their assistants. Stephen had a few affairs now and then and a quickly changing list of girlfriends, yet he was young and to his defence, he had never started shagging anyone from work. There also was the Charlotte thing. As soon as he could tell, he had quit the affair soon after he had found out about her little scheme against Robin. He seemed like a nice bloke and he trusted Robin fully. He was sure that she was capable of saying no if things would ever go any further. Well say no, if she truly didn’t want to. He took her hands and stopped her from fumbling with her t-shirt.

“This is important to you”, Cormoran asked and she nodded. “Will things with  uni work out?”

“Yes... I can continue my courses online, just as I’m doing it now. It’s practical.”

“Is this really what you want? Doing the job as they want you to do it?”

She thought about it. It was a good job. She enjoyed it. Yet it was a big step and a lot of responsibility. Yet they also needed the money. So she nodded.

“I do. Well at the moment at least. They will get me an assistant. I already looked into some applications. They know I’m busting my ass and they appreciate my work, Cormoran. I like them and the job. I think this is a good thing. Also, if I get an assistant, I can concentrate further on uni. Be done with my exams soon and we will have more time together.”

“I like the sound of that”, he said before he leaned closer and their lips softly touched again. “ Well, if you truly want to go, then do it. I won’t be in your way. I mean it's your career. Your future.”

“Thank you”, she said and kissed him before she slung her arms around his neck and hugged him tight.

Cormoran buried his nose in her hair and inhaled her familiar scent. She could do this. They could do this. After a while, his fingers slipped to her legs and he pulled her on his lap. Blanket between them, yet she could feel his arousal.

“ So. .. That was bothering you the last days?”

“Yes... I was afraid you’d be angry.”

“Why would I be?”

“I don’t know”, she shrugged with her shoulders and looked away.

“I’m not. As I said I won’t stand in your way when it comes to your future. I want you to be happy after all.”

“I am happy with you.”

She moved closer until her chest nearly touched his. Her nose brushed his and their lips once more met. He craved her touches. The familiarity and yet the newness of it. Their kisses had gone from lazy to hungry pretty soon and she moaned into his mouth when his hands pulled her closer. 

“Please, always tell me if that should change”, he said. “I don’t want to lose you.” 

“Right now...”, she breathed heavily. “I’m not happy.”

He looked shocked for a moment and then laughed. Fully aware that she was joking.

“Why?”, he asked and kissed down her collar bone and neck.

“You, making me wait.”

He laughed once more and he continued with his sweet touches and kisses. 

“But we only started.”

“You, making me wait since yesterday!”, she complaint and moaned once more, before he laughed.

“The shower”, Strike remembered.

“Yes....”

Her eyes looked at him. Filled with lust and humour. He laughed softly and their lips meet once again. She truly wanted him, yet a small voice in her head reminded her that he was wounded and that they should take it slow. She had no idea if they even were allowed to do this. She stopped him and shoved him a bit away to look at his face properly.

“Cormoran wait... Your wounds... I’m not even sure if we’re allowed to...”

He pulled her close once more and his fingers where at the hem of her t-shirt again, caressing the soft skin of her tights.

“That doesn’t mean that I can’t make you tremble under my fingers and enjoy yourself.”

His voice was seductively and his lips brushed her ear when he said it to her. She moaned. Robin has had no idea that she was weak for this kind of talk in bed. She had no idea how it aroused her. The promise of what he would do. How he would pleasure her. But then she barley had any experience and every time they would sleep together, she was surprised by something new with him. Something she never did and usually ended up enjoying.

“Although I’m sure it won’t be a problem if you stay on top and we take it slow”, Strike then mumbled and softly bit her earlobe while his hands worked under her t-shirt, shoving it up while his fingers painted small circles on her soft skin. 

She had closed her eyes. Her breathing quickened and her excitement rose with every mumbled word of seduction and every touch on her burning, heated skin. It felt too long since they last had made love. Too long since they had touched and kissed like this. Making sweet love in the morning. Although Robin knew that it was just a few days ago. Will it always feel like this, she  wondered. The anticipation? The love she felt inside her growing with every touch? The lust tearing her senses apart? It had stopped with Matthew but she hoped that it would stay this time. That sex with Cormoran would always be special. 

“Tell me what you want”, he asked while his soft kisses on her neck continued and his fingers  brushed over her panties. 

She shivered and supressed a moan.

“You...”

“Give me details”, he teased. “I need you to start talking to me. No more boundaries in the bedroom Robin. Talk love and say it.”

He had wanted to do this for quite some time. Make her vocalise what she wanted. What she needed. It was essential if this should work with her. He had stopped touching her and left her wanting.

“Touch me, please.”

“Where?”

“Everywhere”, she blushed and kissed him again before he did. 

His fingers wandered over her knees to her tights and further up over her ribcage to her breasts, her  shoulders , her cheeks and down again to her lap. 

“You know, if you really go with your boss. We won’t be doing this for a while”, he teased and smiled.

“Don’t make me overthink my decisions", Robin mumbled and moved on his lap while he touched her.

His lips found their way around her nipples. Stiff and sensitive and it made her closer her eyes while she had grabbed the sheets. His lips then found hers again while he ripped her panties.

“Oh...”

“But then I could come with you and distract you from work”, he mumbled,  tossing the pieces of her underwear away.

“Oh Cormoran...”

“No, that would be too easy. You shall miss me”, he said. “And when you are home, we will make love. All day.... Everywhere....”

“Everywhere?”

“Yes....”

She moaned when his fingers found her lap once more and he continued his sweet torture. Soft strokes and pushes. Robin couldn’t open her eyes. She just felt... 

“I will take you on the kitchen table. Hard if you want me to. Or sweet and gentle in the bed. And after you climaxed, I will continue until you do so again.” He kissed her. “And again. And then it will be my turn to love you. To worship every inch of your wonderful, delicate body. Until we both find release. You will stay in my arms, wishing to never go away.”

That was exactly what she wanted. To never go away. Yet she couldn’t concentrate on what he said since his fingers drover her nuts. She started shaking. Moving her hips rhythmically while he pushed two fingers inside her and massaging her clit. She was so close.... He felt it and suddenly stopped.

“Please, Cormoran....”, she begged but he kissed her.

“Sch... Trust me.”

He gave her a few moments where he continued to kiss her and to let her calm down before he once more started to arouse her. More slowly this time. Then he stopped again. Robin was frustrated and she begged him to continue but he didn’t. Just slowing down once more and starting again. She was half crying when he slowed down a third time and only kissed her.

“Sch.... Relax love. I know it’s hard but you’ll love this.”

He got rid of his pants, grabbed a condom and a moment later slowly lifted her hips. Slowly he positioned himself and let her down. Robin moaned and immediately started shaking again. The sensation was overwhelming. Once more he waited when he was buried inside her. Sweat was dripping from his eyebrow and it cost him all his self-control to slowly continue this. He grabbed her hands and leaned against the headboard of their bed. 

“Look at me”, he ordered and she did. 

Her pupils where dilated, full of lust and want. She was breathing heavily, lips swollen and parted. He kissed her and one hand stroke over her cheek.

“I want you to start moving love. Take your time though.”

She obeyed and did so. Slowly moving her hips, his hands on them, guiding her while her hands rested on the headboard. Robin was still aroused and felt as if she would be bursting right now. Her orgasm was far away and yet just around the corner. His sweet torture had made her wanting. Yet she obeyed and did as she was told, moving as slowly as she could. Cormoran closed his eyes for a moment to gain control. His breathing changed as well. Their sweaty bodies joined from the hip upwards. He inhaled her scent, kissed her neck and full lips while she moaned and moved. Eyes closed, concentrating. He let his head sink back and moaned into the silence. He was close as well. His hands once more found her lap and he teased her which made her open her eyes in surprise and yelp a bit. He grinned and kissed her. 

“Move”, he ordered and Robin knew that he meant her tempo so she increased it a bit.

The sensation started to build again once more, paired with his fingers and kisses. His wounds hurt and he tried not to move, yet it was fully enough to drive him nuts.

“Let go”, he mumbled after a few minutes and she climaxed and pulled him with her.

Robin had never felt it this intense and she drifted from one orgasm into another and another. Shaking violently, half crying and unable to control it she leaned against his chest. Cormoran followed her and held her while he mumbled her name over and over. His Robin... She stayed in his arms and he leaned against the bed, holding her. Kissing her hair and cheeks. Brushing the tears away. 

“You okay?”, he asked her after a while when both had calmed down a bit, yet their breathing was still accelerated.

“Yes... That was...” He grinned at her loss of words. “Thank you...”

He groaned when he moved and she quickly moved away when she  realised, he was in pain.

“Oh god! I’m sorry. Are you fine? Does it hurt?”, she started rambling fearful.

“All good. Just moved a bit too much.”

She got off of him too quickly and winced before she wrapped herself in the blanket and continued to fuss over him.

“Robin, stop fussing!”, he laughed a bit. “I’m fine, really.”

He took her hand and kissed it. Robin felt guilty that he was in pain again. Her other hand still rested on his chest and she looked at the bandage. They should have taken some more time.

“I’m sorry if I hurt you.”

“You didn’t. It’s all good.” He kissed her softly. “Now come here.”

She obeyed and he wrapped them both into the blankets and held her close. Kissing her hair, trying to ignore the pain.

“ Are you really sure it is okay when I will go to America?”, she asked into the silence.

“I told you. If it’s really what you want, I’ll support you with this. And if you don’t, I’m  sure we’ll also find a way.”

He played with a strand of her hair and his hand softly stroke over her naked back. She shivered under his touch. His lips brushed her temple and she closed her eyes.

“I have the feeling that we will manage everything, as long as we’re together”, Strike confessed unexpectedly. 

Her heart made a jump. She felt incredibly happy and looked up at him with tears in her eyes. Surprised what he had said wrong, he looked at her.

“I love you”, she mumbled and kissed him. “I love you so much it hurts.”

He had no words. All between them was said when they now kissed.

The weekend stayed calm and while he recovered, she told him all about work and the applications. He looked over them and they discussed everything. It was late on Sunday evening, when Robin finally packed everything for their lunch date with Stephen and some partners. She headed to the bags he had gotten and put beside the wardrobe.

“What are those?”, he asked curious from  the bed .

“Oh... I.... I got some clothes for work.”

“This expensive?”, he asked with a look at the shop’s label.

“Oh... That... Well, I didn’t spend our money on them. I would never since we need every penny. I... Stephen... He paid.”

“Your boss paid for your clothes? Are you serious?”

He sounded shocked and yet Robin could hear the anger in his voice. She blushed and nodded.

“I... I needed one dress. He insisted. I... I’m sorry.”

Apparently, this had been more serious than he had first thought. He did get worried about what her boss intended with this. 

“Just, be careful”, he said and let it be. 

She nodded, opted for a dark blue dress for tomorrow and then slipped into bed with him, falling asleep soon.


	32. Chapter 32

_ Two months later _

Today would be the day and Robin was nervous. Today she and her boss would fly to America. Cormoran had agreed, although she could feel that it worried him. Robin didn’t want to go. All between them was well again. They had some more time since she had hired an assistant and the office was going well too. Yet she had promised to be there. It was Monday and after a short day at work, Robin was now on her way back to Denmark Street. Their flight would go late and she had still a lot to do before that but for now she only craved to see Cormoran. She wore a black tight dress and high heels and had decided to take a cab to be home quicker. Robin paid the cabbie and quickly hurried upstairs to the office where she found Cormoran in his office on the phone. She stood in the door and watched him. One hand massaging his temple, eyes closed.

“This is a fucking mess”, he grumbled. “Of course, yes.... I’ll look over it and call as soon as I got any information. Alright... Bye.”

He hung up and sighed before she softly knocked at the doorframe. Strike looked up and immediately his mood brightened. 

“Hi”, she mumbled and stepped to him.

“Hi. I thought you’d be still at work?”

“I wanted to see you”, she said while she now stood by his side. 

His eyes wandered over her body and the dress that could be seen under her opened coat. He pulled her closer and, on his lap, before he softly kissed her. Robin hummed happily and buried her hands in his curls. His kisses where soft and wanting and yet he took it slow.

“I made reservations for dinner.”

“Sounds wonderful”, she said.

“Best table in the house.”

He deepened the kiss and she laughed. One hand rested on her hips while the other stroke around her back. 

“When will your flight leave?”

“Midnight”, she mumbled while he kissed her neck.

“I don’t want you to go”, he confessed and she could hear the sadness in his voice.

“I will be back soon and we can call and chat every night if you want to.”

Strike just held her close and enjoyed the moment. He would miss her. Terribly. He thought about doing it now, but shoved the thought away. It was not right to do it now.

“Come on, let’s have dinner”, he said.

She got up and he took her hand and guided her upstairs where he had prepared everything. The table was set and it smelled fantastic. He had cooked, something he did pretty well as Robin had found out. She slipped out of her coat he put on the hook by the door and he guided her to the table. Wow that dress looked stunning on her, he thought while shamelessly looking at her. She sat and he got the food. A wonderful pasta with chicken, various vegetables and a lovely white wine with it. Robin enjoyed their dinner and their usual talk about work. 

“ Ils and Nick called. They invited us to their wedding.”

“That’s wonderful news Cormoran! When?”

“Summer”, he said and smiled. “I’m glad they finally took the step. It’s been about time.”

She laughed and nodded. The two couples had met up quite a lot the last weeks and Robin liked them. They had spent a lot of funny evenings with dinner and she had found out a bit more about Cormoran due to their talks. Yet she still didn’t know everything and it still made her sad. Robin shoved the thought away and after dinner, he pulled her up and into his arms. Quiet music was playing in the background and he danced with her. She smiled and laughed and enjoyed every moment while he held her close and she had rested her head against his strong shoulders. Despite the accident and losing his leg, he hadn’t changed that much. He had gained a bit of weight, had let his hair grow and barely shaved but Robin liked it. Otherwise, he was the same. Bit grumpy now and then when his leg was a handicap, but he was still the same man she had been fascinated with that day they had met. Fondly Robin remembered that day. Remembered their first night when they had talked in their tiny flat. When she had met him again in London, having dinner and their first night together. She still felt the usual feeling when he touched her, when he kissed her, when he was simply here. Strike still held her and softly swayed around. When the music stopped, so did he. Tilting her head up and looking into her eyes. Their lips met for a moment and she smiled.

“Are you happy?”, he wanted to know while he held her close.

“Yes”, Robin answered without hesitation, yet she was confused at the question.

“Is all this enough? Am I enough?”, he wanted to know then.

Confused she looked up to him and she could clearly see some doubt and worry on his face.

“Why would you ask something like this?”

“I... I know I can’t give you much. I had so many plans for us and everything is.... It’s not what I wanted for us. I wanted to give you the world Robin.”

“Cormoran...”

“I wanted to give you so much more. A nice house. A bit of holiday now and then. Pretty things.”

“Cormoran, I am happy. What we have is enough. All of it. I love you and I’d be happy even if we were living in a shoe box. I don’t mind the hard work or living in a small flat instead of a nice house. I don’t mind that we can’t afford everything. I don’t mind that we’re here and not on a beach in the Caribbean. I am where I want to be. Right here in your arms. With everything I need and that is you.”

He smiled softly before he kissed her. He was happy that she was happy. That all this, he, was enough. 

“I can’t tell you how much that means to me. Please, if you ever feel unhappy, tell me.”

“I will”, she said and smiled. “But now... I want you to make love to me”, she mumbled and blushed. “Love me and make me don’t forget this night for the next weeks.”

He smiled and their lips met once more until they made love. Sweet and gentle. 

Midnight came quicker than anticipated and after their shower together, she got dressed. Cormoran could feel her withdrawing from him more and more and it worried him. She was too silent. She dressed in black pants, a dark green pullover and a blazer. Business like and yet casual. She wore her hair open and barely any make-up. In her thoughts and doing her hardest not to cry, she packed the last things in her bag and Cormoran got her to the airport. When they both got downstairs though, there was already a black car and a driver waiting for her. Cormoran and she got in the backseat before they headed to the airport. Robin was silent on the way there and only held his hand. Strike tried to calm and sooth her and let his thumb wander over her hand he was holding tightly. She sat close and her head rested on his shoulder while his look rested on their joined hands. It would fit perfect... No. Not now. They arrived in time for their flight and he wasn’t surprised that they directly got access to the area where the private jets where located. Robin was stunned. They made their way to a small plane with the logo of the American partners. Stephen was waiting for her in front of it. 

“Evening”, he greeted happily while Robin stayed close to Strike.

“Evening”, she greeted and so did Cormoran.

“Nice to see you again”, he said to Cormoran and the two men shook hands. “Are you excited?”, he then asked Robin.

“A bit nervous”, she confessed. “I’ve never been on a plane before.”

Cormoran looked at her. He had no idea. 

“Don’t worry. It’s going to be fine”, Stephen said and smiled. 

He wore some beige linen trousers, white shirt and a navy pullover over all this. His hair was ruffled and Cormoran had to admit that he looked good. A lady’s man. Robin squeezed his hand while her luggage got carried into the plane and everyone was ready to go.

“Take good care of my girl”, he said to Stephen who nodded.

“I will”, Stephen promised with an honest smile and Cormoran quietly thanked him with a soft nod. “I’ll see you inside”, he said and gave them some privacy.

Robin nodded and he vanished before Strike tilted up her chin and she had to look at him.

“Promise me you’ll be careful and call if you need me. At any time. Okay?” She nodded and tried to look away. “Look at me”, he ordered and that’s when he saw it. 

A few tears stole their way down her cheeks. It broke his heart to see her like this. He wiped them away with his thumbs, holding her beautiful face in his hands.

“Don’t cry. Please. It breaks my heart”, he mumbled.

“I don’t want to go.”

“I know... But we can call and you’ll be home sooner than you think”, he tried to cheer her up and give her some hope for the upcoming journey. “And I’ll think of you  every single day until then.”

She smiled and then he leaned closer for a kiss. Soft, wanting, reassuring and long. After he brushed their noses together, eyes still closed.

“Now go love or I’ll change my mind and take you home again.”

“I’ll call when we’re there”, she promised and he let go of her.

Her hand caressed his cheek before Robin turned and let slowly go of his hand while turning to the plane. Looking at him while walking away. 

“I love you”, he said and she smiled when she was halfway at the stairs to the plane.

Then she changed her mind and once more hurried to him and kissed him passionately.

“I love you.”

“Miss  Ellacott . Please, we got to go”, a young woman said by the door of the plane.

She nodded and this time made her way upstairs to the plane. The door closed and he was gone. Robin was guided to her seat where Stephen was waiting for her and looked out of the tiny window. He still stood there and looked at her. A soft smile on his lips. Her boss could see the tears on her face and that leaving hurt her more than expected. Softly he took her hand.

“We’ll be home sooner than you think”, he reassured her and smiled.

Robin nodded and looked out to Cormoran when the plane started. But when will that be?


	33. Chapter 33

Nine hours later Robin and Stephen arrived at their destination. A wonderful penthouse flat in New York. Robin was fascinated by the city and immediately in love. Even though it was 4am here, the streets where not empty. She could see some cafés, bars and restaurants that were open. Clubs and people who made their way home, to work or to a party. There were cabs and cars, cyclists and motorcyclists who drove through the night. Their taxi had gotten them to a huge building that hosted various flats. It looked expensive and a man in uniform greeted them by the door.

“Good evening Sir”, he greeted when Robin and Stephen got out of the car and headed to the entrance.

He opened the door and let them walk into a huge and luxurious lobby. Wow. Robin was stunned and quietly followed her boss to the reception where he got them two sets of keys and then they headed upstairs with another young man who carried their luggage. Beside the key there was a 4-digit code one had to enter to access the flat. And when they did, Robin was even more stunned. The flat was huge and all someone could wish for. There was a fire burning in the chimney in the open living room and kitchen space. The breakfast bar and kitchen were massive and so was the crème-coloured sofa. The floor was made of dark wood and opposite the entrance was a huge rooftop terrace. Magically Robin was pulled to it and when she opened the door and stepped outside, her mouth fell open. The view was stunning. She could see all of the illuminated city and even see the Central Park and something of the river and the bridge. 

“Do you like it?”, Stephen said while he had stepped to her.

“It’s stunning”, Robin mumbled in awe and looked over the city that never sleeps. 

“I’ve lived here a few years”, the young man said and Robin looked at him stunned. “My favourite city beside London. It’s completely different though. But I’m sure you’ll love it.”

“I already do”, Robin confessed completely fascinated.

“ So we got tomorrow off and only have a dinner with our partners in the evening. Enough time to work over everything and get rid of our jetlag.” He got inside again and the young woman followed. “Drink?”

“No, thank you.”

“The day after tomorrow is our big presentation and you will do most of it, as discussed. I want them to love you. To be captured by your words and plans for our future. I’m sure you’ll manage.”

She nodded, nervous about the upcoming days. Stephen sipped on his drink and watched her for a moment. He was glad he had her by his side. Someone he could trust completely with the jobs at hand and who was capable to do what was necessary. Robin stifled a yawn but he saw it and smiled.

“You should head to bed and get some rest. I’ll take you out for breakfast”, he said and she smiled.

“Alright.”

“Let me show you your room.”

He guided her to the end of the corridor where a huge bedroom was located. It had a gigantic four poster bed with white silken sheets. There was a small office corner and a huge bathroom with a tub. Robin loved it. The colours of the room were mostly white and feminine. There was also a bunch of pink roses waiting for her. She smiled.

“I love it. Thank you”, she said once more. “ Also, for taking me.”

“It’s my pleasure. Now get some rest.”

“Goodnight.”

“Goodnight Robin.”

He left and Robin locked the door behind him. She unpacked her clothes into the wardrobe, happy to find a pullover and tree t-shirts of Strike with a note.

_ I know how much you like to sleep in my clothes so I got you these to remind you of me every night even though I can’t be with you.  _ _ Cx _

She smiled. Those sweet little gestures where enough to fall for him even more on a daily basis. She quickly undressed and slipped into a t-shirt. It even smelled of him. Robin smiled and slipped into the silky sheets. Wow... When she lay down, she took her phone and quickly texted Cormoran. It was nearly 5am here but for Cormoran it would just be morning. Instead of texting him, she  dialled his number.

“Robin?”, he picked up after the second ring and she smiled.

“Morning”, she mumbled sleepy, wrapped in the soft sheets.

“Hi”, he smiled. “Are you okay?”

“Yes. I just wanted to call. Thank you for the clothes.”

“You’re welcome. How was the flight?”

“Calm. I quite enjoyed it. The city is beautiful at night. You’d love it here.”

“Can be also very dangerous”, he admitted. “I’ve been there for a job years ago”, he told her. “It’s a stunning city, full of life and interesting places. There’s a brilliant restaurant in China Town.”

“You never told me”, she said smiling. “We’re in building near Fifth Avenue. I can see the river and Central Park from our rooftop terrace. It’s stunning.”

“Wow, that’s quite fancy”, he said stunned. “ So you two got a flat?”

“Yes. It’s huge. You should see my bedroom. It’s insane, really. But I tell you you’d love the bed.”

“Really?”, he grinned.

“It’s a wonderful four-poster and huge as well and it has silken sheets. God, it’s amazing”, she mumbled and he laughed. “I miss you though.”

“I miss you too love”, he confessed. “You should probably get some sleep though. It’s late and I’m sure you got meetings in the morning.”

“No. We just have a dinner with our partners in the evening.”

“Well then get some rest. Those jetlag's can be nasty.”

“What are your plans for today?”

“Well, I got two observations, some client meetings, invoices and paperwork. I surely won’t be bored.” She smiled. “ Oh and Nick called. He wants me to help with the wedding planning.”

“But that’s nice”, Robin said.

“Yes. He wants me to be his best man.”

“Will you agree?”

“Well, he’s my best mate. It would be rude not to.”

“I’m truly looking forward to the wedding.”

“ Ils wants to talk to you about it. She said she needs your help with the dress and preparations as well. Guess we will both be busy helping them.”

“Hm..”, she had closed her eyes and imagined it. “I’m truly looking forward to the wedding.”

“You should sleep now love, it’s late and I bet you can barely keep your eyes open.”

“Hm... But I don’t want to hang up.”

“Then don’t and I’ll talk to you until you fall asleep and then hang up.”

“I like that.”

“I got this funny client...”

And  so he talked to her until he heard her soft breathing at the other end and after a few times of asking if she was still there, he finally found her asleep.

“I love you Robin”, he said into the phone smiling. “Now sleep and dream of me.”

He hung up and sat smiling in his office. He was happy they had arrived safely. That she loved the city this much. He just hoped she would be home soon. Yet Cormoran knew that this would do them good, she loved her job and it would be a great experience. His thoughts got interrupted by Nick calling and asking for his answer.

“ So what do you say? Will you be my best man?”, the young doctor asked at the other end.

“I will. I’m so happy for you two”, Cormoran confessed. 

“Great! I’ll tell  Ils then news then. Robin  knows as well?”

“She does. Just phoned with her earlier. She’s pretty excited about the wedding.”

“When will you be next mate?”, Nick asked. 

“Oh... I...”

Nick laughed. Cormoran had told his best friend about his plan to propose to her. Some day. He didn’t want to hurry this. 

“You didn’t ask her before she left?”, Nick then said surprised.

“No. I don't want her to feel as if I want to keep her here. She needs to make some experiences. Get to see the world. Things I can’t give her.”

“Mate...”, Nick started but stayed silent.

Both men didn’t say a word for a while before the doctor once more asked something about the upcoming wedding. They talked about getting rings and organising everything for the stag night. Something calm, as Cormoran had reminded his friend. Then his first client arrived and wanted an update on the case and they talked business. Cormoran was busy for the next hours until he left for some observations. Startled he stepped right outside the house when he saw a familiar face waiting for him.

“Bluey...”

“Charlotte! What are you doing here?”

“ Well, I heard your little girlfriend is not here.  So I thought I might visit.”

She stepped closer and rested a hand on his coat. How did she know about Robin? 

“I still want you back Bluey. I want back what we had.”

“I told you before that it’s over Charlotte”, he said and shoved her away. “I don’t love you anymore.”

“ Instead, you love this bitch?”

“ Don’t... ”, he grumbled warningly and she could see the anger in his eyes.

“Please.... She’s nothing. And she will leave soon anyway. I know how Stephen can be. He’s a gentleman, has money, can show her the world. She will leave you for him.”

“If she does, I will let her go. But I still won’t come back.”

It was her who got angry now.

“Fine!”, she shouted. “You will come back sooner or later”, she said. “Especially if you want to see your child.”

With this she turned around and got into a cab that had waited by the side of the road for her. Cormoran blinked unbelieving and only stood there. His child? No, this couldn’t be. She hadn’t been pregnant when he had left her. She would have told him. And surely her parents would have never allowed her to keep the baby. Not his baby anyway. Shoving the thought away for now, he made his way to his observations. Still the thought about what Charlotte had said lingered with him. He had to find out more about it. 


End file.
